Author Topic: S/O: Am I being a bridezilla? (The opposite of RSVP woes!)  (Read 2122 times)

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Bottlecaps

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Re: S/O: Am I being a bridezilla? (The opposite of RSVP woes!)
« Reply #15 on: April 29, 2014, 08:26:32 PM »
Quote
It was one of those group messages - it's a PM, but it goes to however many people you add to the conversation. I think I will take a look at their individual pages and see if I can gather addresses, or other contact info that I can use to get an address, that way. I also like the whitepages.com idea - I didn't even think of that! :)

Don't forget to try the non-group Facebook ways of getting ahold of people. Send one-on-one chats or individual PMs. I think when people see group stuff, they think "junk mail."

Thanks! I'll remember that one too. :)
"Some of the most wonderful people are the ones who don't fit into boxes." -Tori Amos


Wintergreen

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Re: S/O: Am I being a bridezilla? (The opposite of RSVP woes!)
« Reply #16 on: April 30, 2014, 06:03:05 AM »
Yeah, I would not assume much from the reading status of group message (or private message). As others have stated, it's easy to get marked as read without the person actually reading it. I've missed messages often when it came just after I've left my computer so fb assumes I'm using it still and does not send it to my phone. Then when I use my phone shortly after that, it somehow assumes I've seen everything so far.

Group posts might also get easily ignored as spam. Try private options. I think now, after a week would be good time to put up private messages for those who have not responded. Given the nature of facebook and how people use it with phones and tablets while on the move, I'd think you are quite safe to make few reminders. After all, it might be easy to read a message from the phone, but it's not easy for all to write longer stuff and you might not remember that anymore when you get back to real computer. Maybe use also the chat if you see that someone is online. To avoid the "nagging" approach, I would use opening like "Now as I remember, I'd ask you about the address to send invites. Here is my email if you do not want to give it over Facebook" and avoid mentioning the earlier message or implying about them forgetting or not seeing or something like that.

lmyrs

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Re: S/O: Am I being a bridezilla? (The opposite of RSVP woes!)
« Reply #17 on: April 30, 2014, 05:22:28 PM »
If I received a FB message that was to me and several other people, some that I may or may not know, I would never respond to it with my email or my home address or my phone number. The problem is that I also wouldn't necessarily be able to send an email response right away. I do all of my FB on my home computer. I do not do FB on my phone at all. I do all of my email through my phone and/or my work computer. So, If I'm checking FB, I don't have my email accessible. So, I have to make a point to get my phone in front of my home computer and send the email. Which means it is very likely I'm going to forget to get back to you.

But, if you sent me a personal private message through FB that was just to me, I'd just respond as soon as I saw it with my address. I think that you need to follow up with individuals, individually and not with a group message.

Actually, I think it's kind of bad form to ask for personal information through a group message on FB. You need to do that individually or in small groups of close people (so like ask me and my siblings in one message but don't add others.)

TootsNYC

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Re: S/O: Am I being a bridezilla? (The opposite of RSVP woes!)
« Reply #18 on: April 30, 2014, 05:45:49 PM »
. . . in small groups of close people (so like ask me and my siblings in one message but don't add others.)

Don't forget this sort of tactic--I'd mentioned it earlier as an individual thing, but you could do it in a targeted small group. Send 2- to 4-person messages to pre-existing groups and say, "Could I get everybody's address? If one of you has everybody's, would you send it to me?"

Bottlecaps

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Re: S/O: Am I being a bridezilla? (The opposite of RSVP woes!)
« Reply #19 on: May 01, 2014, 09:25:25 AM »
Good news! :) The White Pages helped me gather all the missing addresses except for five of them - it won't be a deal breaker if I can't get those last remaining five addresses, because although I'd prefer to mail the invitation, if it comes down to the wire, either Mr. Bottlecaps or I can hand-deliver the invitation, as those people are people we see pretty frequently. :)
"Some of the most wonderful people are the ones who don't fit into boxes." -Tori Amos


Lynn2000

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Re: S/O: Am I being a bridezilla? (The opposite of RSVP woes!)
« Reply #20 on: May 07, 2014, 04:50:14 PM »
My advice is to NOT use a single message to weed out people from the potential guest list. And it sounds like the OP is, in fact, going to follow up with people, so good. :)

Story: This happened to my friend Amy. Our mutual friend Mike was getting married and sent out emails saying, "We want to invite you to our wedding! Please send us your address." I got one and replied promptly (and later received an official paper invitation). Amy's message from Mike went into her junk mail, for some reason, which she didn't discover until just a couple weeks before the wedding. Mike never tried to contact her via another method, so she ended up not being invited to his wedding, although she would've loved to go.

Not being able to attend wasn't the end of the world, of course, but she was a little hurt that he didn't try harder to reach her, when it's so easy for just one message to go astray. And why would *I* get an invitation and not her, when even in my own opinion, she and Mike had been closer friends? I think for her it was one of those painful moments when you realize the other person doesn't feel as close to you, as you do to them.  :-\

Actually the situation was even weirder. In reply to the initial email I asked Mike if he was inviting anyone else I knew, so I could look into carpooling, and he said "maybe" he would invite Amy. Trying to be polite and discreet, I never mentioned the email to Amy--if I had, she might've looked for her own message sooner! A couple weeks later, Mike asked me for Amy's address, but cautioned that he still wasn't sure if he'd have room to invite her--so she was B-listed, I guess. And then there wasn't room for the B-list, so she actually never heard a word from Mike about his wedding, after the first email that went to junk.

The thing I thought was a bit tacky was that his initial email specifically said, "We want to invite you to our wedding." So he threw the idea of the invitation out in front of people. I feel like once you do that, you have an obligation to exert reasonable effort to track the person down and, in fact, officially invite them. To me it's the same idea as sending a Save-the-Date to someone, then not officially inviting them, which I gather is rude. The email wasn't, "We are currently conducting a screening process to determine our guest list. Please respond if you would like to be included and we will take that into consideration." (How horrible!) It was, IMO, "You are on our guest list. You have been invited. Please help us figure out how to get more information to you as it becomes available." But maybe that's just a matter of interpretation?
~Lynn2000

TootsNYC

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Re: S/O: Am I being a bridezilla? (The opposite of RSVP woes!)
« Reply #21 on: May 07, 2014, 04:53:22 PM »
Good news! :) The White Pages helped me gather all the missing addresses except for five of them - it won't be a deal breaker if I can't get those last remaining five addresses, because although I'd prefer to mail the invitation, if it comes down to the wire, either Mr. Bottlecaps or I can hand-deliver the invitation, as those people are people we see pretty frequently. :)

So you would be able to ask them for their addresses in person as well.

lakey

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Re: S/O: Am I being a bridezilla? (The opposite of RSVP woes!)
« Reply #22 on: May 08, 2014, 11:03:35 PM »
I personally don't like Facebook. Because of that I ignore most of the notifications, and I often go for pretty long periods of time not going to it. I also ignore the email notifications. When I do check in I half look at things and don't pay much attention to them. It's just a preference with me where I intensely dislike the way the site is designed. It's very cluttered and full of a bunch of junk I'm not interested in and don't want on my screen.

It may be that, because you're younger,  everyone you know is very active in using Facebook, but some people just aren't, and pretty much ignore it. I wouldn't assume that they're not interested.

lakey

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Re: S/O: Am I being a bridezilla? (The opposite of RSVP woes!)
« Reply #23 on: May 08, 2014, 11:10:29 PM »
I personally don't like Facebook. Because of that I ignore most of the notifications, and I often go for pretty long periods of time not going to it. I also ignore the email notifications. When I do check in I half look at things and don't pay much attention to them. It's just a preference with me where I intensely dislike the way the site is designed. It's very cluttered and full of a bunch of junk I'm not interested in and don't want on my screen.

It may be that, because you're younger,  everyone you know is very active in using Facebook, but some people just aren't, and pretty much ignore it. I wouldn't assume that they're not interested.