Author Topic: "You must really think I'm stupid . . . Update page 3, #42"  (Read 15094 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Dazi

  • like the flower
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4337
Re: "You must really think I'm stupid . . . "
« Reply #30 on: May 01, 2014, 07:22:12 PM »
Maybe in a similar situation you could say something like "Can you believe the manufacturer felt the need to put this on the box?  There must be people our there who have left them on!"  That way you get the message across without implying that she might be one of those people.

There are some seriously goofy warnings on products.   One of my favorites is irons have a disclaimer to not iron clothes while you are wearing them.  I would think that would be common sense,  but apparently not.
Meditate. Live purely. Quiet the mind. Do your work with mastery. Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds! Shine. ---Gautama Buddah





Piratelvr1121

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 11379
Re: "You must really think I'm stupid . . . "
« Reply #31 on: May 01, 2014, 10:14:04 PM »
Or packages of peanuts, or jars of peanut butter which say "May contain peanuts"  Dh was ranting about that once and I told him I supposed that perhaps that factory made many things and possibly had a program for the labels so that everything going out of the factory would have "May contain peanuts" printed on them, even things that obviously would have peanuts as ingredients.

Kind of like our signatures that attach to our posts, or how some people have their name and such automatically set to sign off every email. 

Hmm...perhaps I ought to put on my signature "may contain mentions of pirates or Johnny Depp". :)
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Miss Understood

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1283
Re: "You must really think I'm stupid . . . "
« Reply #32 on: May 01, 2014, 10:40:37 PM »
Maybe in a similar situation you could say something like "Can you believe the manufacturer felt the need to put this on the box?  There must be people our there who have left them on!"  That way you get the message across without implying that she might be one of those people.

There are some seriously goofy warnings on products.   One of my favorites is irons have a disclaimer to not iron clothes while you are wearing them.  I would think that would be common sense,  but apparently not.

There was a MLB player about 10 years ago who went on the DL because he did exactly that.   ::)

I know some of the warnings are goofy - I noticed the other day that my frozen pizza box instructed me to use a pot holder when removing the pizza from a 400-degree oven. 

I hope no one was offended by my suggestion that this particular manufacturer suggestion was obvious - especially because in fact it sounds like something I would need to be warned about myself.  I was just thinking about how to avoid offending OP's Mom going forward.

kareng57

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12333
Re: "You must really think I'm stupid . . . "
« Reply #33 on: May 01, 2014, 11:46:41 PM »
While I wasn't there and therefore have no idea as to tone-of-voice and other inflections - I'll admit that I kind of side with your mom.  If I was living with my kids (which I would prefer to avoid unless no other situation was possible) I probably wouldn't like hearing a caution like this.

Maybe if the warning was posted as something more neutral such as  "my friend Julie forgot that the covers were on and almost started a fire" it might have been better.

Marbles

  • I'm lost
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1811
Re: "You must really think I'm stupid . . . "
« Reply #34 on: May 02, 2014, 01:26:36 AM »
Maybe in a similar situation you could say something like "Can you believe the manufacturer felt the need to put this on the box?  There must be people our there who have left them on!"  That way you get the message across without implying that she might be one of those people.

There are some seriously goofy warnings on products.   One of my favorites is irons have a disclaimer to not iron clothes while you are wearing them.  I would think that would be common sense,  but apparently not.

Uh, yeah, you'd think so, but a friend of mine made that mistake once.  ::) She didn't burn herself, thankfully.

sweetonsno

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1425
Re: "You must really think I'm stupid . . . "
« Reply #35 on: May 02, 2014, 03:15:45 AM »
While I wasn't there and therefore have no idea as to tone-of-voice and other inflections - I'll admit that I kind of side with your mom.  If I was living with my kids (which I would prefer to avoid unless no other situation was possible) I probably wouldn't like hearing a caution like this.

Maybe if the warning was posted as something more neutral such as  "my friend Julie forgot that the covers were on and almost started a fire" it might have been better.

I thought I was going to be the only one who would be on mom's side.

Even if you (general) aren't using the wrong tone of voice, telling someone something that they interpret as common sense is probably going to offend them. I think that while you were focusing on the new equipment (the burner covers), she was focusing on the equipment with which she was quite familiar (the stovetop). To me, it's pretty obvious that you shouldn't put anything other than a cooking vessel on a hot burner. If someone felt the need to tell me not to try and grill onions directly on the electric coil, I wouldn't really consider it a vote of confidence.

I like kareng57's idea of making a more neutral comment about a friend (real or not). Some previous posters also mentioned using "we" statements instead of giving instructions.

"We'll have to remember to make sure the burners are cool to the touch before we put the covers on. One of the Amazon reviewers said that she accidentally melted one to the stove by putting it back too early."

Heck, you could even phrase it as a request for help/reminders. "Don't let me forget to take the covers off before I turn the burners on, Mom. My buddy burned herself doing that."

Basically, the farther you can get from implying that your Mom needs to be told, the better.

Free Range Hippy Chick

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 765
Re: "You must really think I'm stupid . . . "
« Reply #36 on: May 02, 2014, 03:47:00 AM »
Or make a joke of it: 'How long do you think it will be before one of us turns on the wrong burner and melts the cover to the element? Or puts the cover back on a  burner that's still hot? I can see myself doing that, easily!'


athersgeo

  • No one told you when to run
  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 327
Re: "You must really think I'm stupid . . . "
« Reply #37 on: May 02, 2014, 04:30:39 AM »
Maybe in a similar situation you could say something like "Can you believe the manufacturer felt the need to put this on the box?  There must be people our there who have left them on!"  That way you get the message across without implying that she might be one of those people.

There are some seriously goofy warnings on products.   One of my favorites is irons have a disclaimer to not iron clothes while you are wearing them.  I would think that would be common sense,  but apparently not.

That was a warning I mocked roundly for years...and then I caught my brother ironing his shirt while wearing it. (Mind you, this *might* have been a ploy on his part in the hopes of getting his sister to iron the shirt properly [which I did] - but he did mutter something about never having burned himself before, so...)

mj

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 575
Re: "You must really think I'm stupid . . . "
« Reply #38 on: May 02, 2014, 11:46:56 AM »
I'm kind of with the mother here too.  OP, do you know if you have a habit of saying things like this to her which prompted her "you must really think I'm stupid" remark or was this is a one off for both of you?

I ask because my husband and a few members of his family make frequent comments like that.  Pull out some leftovers, I get immediately told that it's not a good idea to microwave the leftovers in the container they are being stored in.  They say stuff like this so fast they don't see that I'm not intending to do something like that, I'm pulling the leftovers out and going to get a plate.  But anyway, I have asked DH several times to stop because it really starts getting too much and at first he will say he is just making conversation. What's not fine is that these aren't conversations I'm interested in having and it does send a signal that he thinks I'm stupid.

GratefulMaria

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 579
Re: "You must really think I'm stupid . . . "
« Reply #39 on: May 02, 2014, 12:56:16 PM »
I'm kind of with the mother here too.  OP, do you know if you have a habit of saying things like this to her which prompted her "you must really think I'm stupid" remark or was this is a one off for both of you?

I ask because my husband and a few members of his family make frequent comments like that.  Pull out some leftovers, I get immediately told that it's not a good idea to microwave the leftovers in the container they are being stored in.  They say stuff like this so fast they don't see that I'm not intending to do something like that, I'm pulling the leftovers out and going to get a plate.  But anyway, I have asked DH several times to stop because it really starts getting too much and at first he will say he is just making conversation. What's not fine is that these aren't conversations I'm interested in having and it does send a signal that he thinks I'm stupid.

No, I do not have a habit of speaking to her as though she doesn't have common sense.  My mother happens to be the one who self-defines as not understanding things.  She has me sitting in on her meetings with financial consultants and makes self-deprecatory remarks such as "here's another question from the stupid person."  I'm the one telling her "you know way more than you give yourself credit for" and participate in the meetings with remarks such as "as my mother mentioned," and techniques to make sure the meeting focuses on her questions and concerns.  When she asks whether I agree with what she'd like to do, "well, you have a really great grasp of this, and I think you're asking all the right questions to make the most comfortable decision for yourself, so this seems like a great way for you to go."

As for who has a habit of saying what kind of things, my mother has, for as long as I can remember, said things like "oh, you idiot" to herself whenever she has a minor mishap.  Another thing she has said through the decades, to me specifically:  "You have to understand, I'm very very sensitive."

So why did I post even asking a question?  I interact with people other than her and wanted to get a more general perspective of how my remark (which did use "we," by the way, as is clear in my OP) could be interpreted.  The suggestions to frame advice or warnings in the third person, such as using anecdotes about a friend, is a very useful way of depersonalizing the situation, and I thank those of you who suggested it -- as well as other diplomatic wording.

Piratelvr1121

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 11379
Re: "You must really think I'm stupid . . . "
« Reply #40 on: May 03, 2014, 01:06:04 PM »
She sounds like my grandmother, who would frequently slap herself in the forehead and say "I've got to be the dummy!" (a saying one of my cousins started) 

But with that information, I do suspect it was more her insecurity talking than anything else.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

bloo

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1300
Re: "You must really think I'm stupid . . . "
« Reply #41 on: May 03, 2014, 02:42:33 PM »
I'm kind of with the mother here too.  OP, do you know if you have a habit of saying things like this to her which prompted her "you must really think I'm stupid" remark or was this is a one off for both of you?

I ask because my husband and a few members of his family make frequent comments like that.  Pull out some leftovers, I get immediately told that it's not a good idea to microwave the leftovers in the container they are being stored in.  They say stuff like this so fast they don't see that I'm not intending to do something like that, I'm pulling the leftovers out and going to get a plate.  But anyway, I have asked DH several times to stop because it really starts getting too much and at first he will say he is just making conversation. What's not fine is that these aren't conversations I'm interested in having and it does send a signal that he thinks I'm stupid.

I see that Grateful Maria has responded to this post so my response to it is off-topic for the purposes of the thread.

MJ, I wonder if your DH and mine are related! My DH is a bit of micromanager but comes by it quite honestly and genetically. He has this one habit that used to drive me a little batty when we'd visit relatives. When we visit my mom and dad, he'd nudge me to get him a drink or snack. I'd say, "We've been married for years. You're welcome to get it your self." I quit saying it after a while because he'd always say, "It's your parents house and I'm not comfortable." But when we'd visit his family, he'd nudge me to get/make him a drink or snack. I'd be all like, "It's your family's house and I'm not comfortable." Didn't matter. I'd be nudged until I did it. Because....wait for it...I'm the wife and it's my job.  >:( Great guy but he's somewhat troglodyte-ish in this area. 

I was actually quite comfortable doing so in his grandmother's house because she was like my parents in the fact that she really made you feel at home. But every other member of his family? Not so much. I got so tired of the constant comments/questions on how I did things that I snapped at my MIL while I making a grilled cheese sandwich for DH in Grandma's kitchen. I don't even remember what I said (this was 10-12 years ago) but MIL went scurrying out of the kitchen muttering, "...well I was just asking..."

GratefulMaria

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 579
Re: "You must really think I'm stupid . . . "
« Reply #42 on: May 21, 2014, 02:29:01 PM »
And for those of you who placed book, today's the day -- my mother did cook one of the covers by mistake.  She took a front one off but turned on a rear element.  Nothing but good news, though:  nobody hurt, only damage was to a couple of covers (she put another one on the element before it cooled off), she offered to pay for them and I told her she didn't have to but she wanted to, and -- best of all -- nothing disparaging said by either one of us!  So glad she didn't beat herself up over it.

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 31414
Re: "You must really think I'm stupid . . . "
« Reply #43 on: May 21, 2014, 02:40:57 PM »
And for those of you who placed book, today's the day -- my mother did cook one of the covers by mistake.  She took a front one off but turned on a rear element.  Nothing but good news, though:  nobody hurt, only damage was to a couple of covers (she put another one on the element before it cooled off), she offered to pay for them and I told her she didn't have to but she wanted to, and -- best of all -- nothing disparaging said by either one of us!  So glad she didn't beat herself up over it.


Oh, thank you thank you thank you for coming back to tell us!

I'm grinning indulgently over here. (I think I put a nickel on it--who's gonna send me my 5?)

Quote
She took a front one off but turned on a rear element.

Doggone it, I do that all the time. I started a fire once bcs a colander full of plastic containers had been set on the back burner to dry.

I do this often enough that I wonder if my mother's stove when I was growing up actually had the knobs in the opposite order.

bloo

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1300
Re: "You must really think I'm stupid . . . Update page 3, #42"
« Reply #44 on: May 21, 2014, 08:29:27 PM »
This, honestly, is the reason I never wanted burner covers. I really would like to go to a smooth top stove again. But what I have was brand new when I moved into our rental 4+ years ago. I already bought an extra fridge. So even though the stove is subpar, I'm sticking with it.

Although I've had to replace all the coil burners. Twice. As well as the heating element in the oven.  >:(