General Etiquette > Family and Children

What else can I do?-semi rant

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HushHush:
My ex-husband (and son's father) lost his job last month.  He's gotten another on as a night security for a storage facility that was supposed to come with an apartment.  However, the apartment is not livable at this time and will not be ready for about another week.  So, because he gave up his previous apartment, he's been sleeping on a cot in one of the storage units.  He has a car but when he picked up our son for his visitation (only during the day, nothing overnight until he has a place to stay), he had taken the bus all the way across town-at least two hours.  He wasn't upset when he had to wait to pick up DS for over an hour because he was early and he wasn't upset that I forgot to send a jacket with DS so he could only keep him outside for a short amount of time.

I've told my ex he should talk to the employment specialist in my office.  I've given suggestions for jobs and places he can go for temporary help.  We've invited him in for dinner when he's picked up DS.  I'm suspicious that his car has been impounded and he doesn't want to say anything because normally, he would have been furious about the jacket and accused me of purposely trying to shorten the time he would get to spend with DS.  I saw him walking to the bus stop after he dropped DS off at my parents house and offered him a ride to the bus stop as the nearest one is about a mile away.  He refused.

Regardless of our problems, I want to help him get back on his feet mostly for our DS's sake.  Other than the resources I've suggested and leads on jobs through the state (I work for the state in the welfare division so I deal with this all the time), is there anything else I should do?  Or should I butt out and as long as our DS is okay, deal with the fact that his father has no desire to do more than work $8/hr jobs?

Charlotte

Chocolate Cake:
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

It sounds like you've already done all you can for him.  It's up to him, and him alone, to take the initiative to follow-through.

guihong:
I'd say, as long as DS is okay, and you are getting child support, it's his job to better himself.  He's an adult and can take care of himself.  It isn't your problem.  

Now, if he isn't paying his support, that's a different story, and you'd have to deal with that.

gui

AdakAK:

--- Quote from: Charlotte on January 08, 2007, 01:57:22 PM ---Regardless of our problems, I want to help him get back on his feet mostly for our DS's sake.  Other than the resources I've suggested and leads on jobs through the state (I work for the state in the welfare division so I deal with this all the time), is there anything else I should do?  Or should I butt out and as long as our DS is okay, deal with the fact that his father has no desire to do more than work $8/hr jobs?

Charlotte

--- End quote ---

You can't do anything more.  We are in a similar position with my sister.  I am not depending on her for child support, so it was probably much easier, but I have just had to let it go.  You can't make them want more and until they want it, it won't happen in my experiance.

Susan

fklwmn:
I agree witht he previous posters, but it's sad b/c if he WOULD better himself it would make for a better life for your DS. But you can't force someone to be the kind of person you think they shuold be, and you'll just make yourself crazy if you try.

I think it was great of you to offer what help you already have.

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