Author Topic: The forgotten Easter Baskets  (Read 5348 times)

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metallicafan

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The forgotten Easter Baskets
« on: May 03, 2014, 01:52:42 AM »
Every Easter, we exchange Easter baskets with BIL & SIL for our kids.  On Easter Sunday,  they stayed home because BIL had to work all day, so we did not see them to exchange.  We have seen them twice since then, and both times they have forgotten our boys easter baskets.  We gave them our baskets for my nephew and nieces.  I'm feeling frustrated because this is not the first time it has happened.  I am starting to think that it may be better in the future to just stop exchanging baskets, that way nobody is disappointed when they don't get a basket from their favorite aunt and uncle.  Suggestions?

sweetonsno

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Re: The forgotten Easter Baskets
« Reply #1 on: May 03, 2014, 04:16:28 AM »
I can see how that would be frustrating. It might be best to do Easter baskets for your own kids and do something else for the other kids. Would BIL and your sister enjoy having Easter brunch, or going out for pastries with all of the kids? That might be easier… if your Easter gift is all going somewhere, nothing can get left behind in the chaos.

purple

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Re: The forgotten Easter Baskets
« Reply #2 on: May 03, 2014, 05:44:26 AM »
I think you might be overreacting, just on the face of it.

I get the feeling that there is some kind of back story here and this may just  be the latest?

At the same time though, just because you give a gift doesn't mean you are entitled to one in return.  Perhaps they knew that they wouldn't be seeing you on Easter Sunday and they didn't prepare Easter baskets for your kids.  They may have assumed that you wouldn't have been exchanging gifts this year, since you weren't seeing each other.  Nothing wrong with that either, IMO.

TootsNYC

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Re: The forgotten Easter Baskets
« Reply #3 on: May 03, 2014, 10:34:16 AM »
I also think you're overreacting.

And I have to ask you:

Quote
that way nobody is disappointed when they don't get a basket from their favorite aunt and uncle. 

Are your kids really disappointed? And, who is mentioning these gift baskets? You? Them?

I think when our kids have relatives who are disappointing (whether it's a big a deal as grandma favors the other cousins; or if it's that wonderful aunt & uncle keep forgetting the Easter baskets), it's our role as parents to help our children live with that disappointment.

That means not ever mentioning, ourselves, that A&U haven't delivered the baskets.
(And not rubbing our kids' noses in the fact that Grandma doesn't love them best--no complaining in their presence, etc.)

And it also means modeling the proper response when someone is disappointing
("Well, unfortunately, we're not going to be able to change Grandma, so let's turn our love and attention to someone else, instead of always trying to get her to love us more. Because that hurts, so let's not keep doing it. Let's adjust our expectations to match reality; that will actually hurt less.")

or

("yes, it's disappointing not to get the Easter basket, but remember that it's not very attractive to be complaining about not receiving a gift. And we've actually gotten to see them in person, which is so much better, so you're coming across as though only the gift matters to you--that makes you look greedy. And as far as the stuff goes--you have all the chocolate and cheap toys any one kid needs. In fact, if I hear you complain about it again, I'm going to make you go in your room and -pick up- all those cheap toys you have.")  EDITED TO ADD: I realize this is a little stern; of course I'd use something more sympathetic depending on the kid.
« Last Edit: May 03, 2014, 12:26:47 PM by TootsNYC »

Mergatroyd

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Re: The forgotten Easter Baskets
« Reply #4 on: May 03, 2014, 11:26:58 AM »
My kids don't get baskets from anybody but the easter bunny, and I never did either as a child. Is this a regional thing? Common in your area? I think next year maybe skip the additional baskets and just host an egg hunt. It sounds like they don't want to participate in the basket swap anymore and are hoping you get the hint. 

Oh Joy

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Re: The forgotten Easter Baskets
« Reply #5 on: May 03, 2014, 12:09:40 PM »
Do the kids all get baskets from their own parents and/or the Easter bunny, or are these their only baskets because of the planned exchange?

Texas Mom

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Re: The forgotten Easter Baskets
« Reply #6 on: May 03, 2014, 01:02:49 PM »
Suggestions?

It appears your children are not going to get baskets from them this year.  I don't have a clue what's going on in the other family's life or the age of the children, so I can't comment further.

Let it go.  From an etiquette standpoint, that's all you can do.  If they make a comment about the "forgotten" baskets, graciously let them off the hook and tell them, "Maybe next time."  Then make sure there's no expectation on your children's part that there will be a next time.

For the future, take care of your children & get something nominal (like a small chocolate bunny - that you can consume yourself) for the nieces/nephews if things don't work out.

metallicafan

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Re: The forgotten Easter Baskets
« Reply #7 on: May 03, 2014, 02:41:52 PM »
I think you might be overreacting, just on the face of it.

I get the feeling that there is some kind of back story here and this may just  be the latest?

At the same time though, just because you give a gift doesn't mean you are entitled to one in return.  Perhaps they knew that they wouldn't be seeing you on Easter Sunday and they didn't prepare Easter baskets for your kids.  They may have assumed that you wouldn't have been exchanging gifts this year, since you weren't seeing each other.  Nothing wrong with that either, IMO.

They knew we would be exchanging, and the plan was to exchange the next time we saw each other.
I would have no problem not exchanging anymore.  My kids get more than enough.  It is BIL and SIL who insist that we exchange every year, not me.
I of course do not begrudge my nephew and nieces their gifts.   
« Last Edit: May 03, 2014, 03:18:02 PM by metallicafan »

misha412

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Re: The forgotten Easter Baskets
« Reply #8 on: May 03, 2014, 03:10:52 PM »
I think you might be overreacting, just on the face of it.

I get the feeling that there is some kind of back story here and this may just  be the latest?

At the same time though, just because you give a gift doesn't mean you are entitled to one in return.  Perhaps they knew that they wouldn't be seeing you on Easter Sunday and they didn't prepare Easter baskets for your kids.  They may have assumed that you wouldn't have been exchanging gifts this year, since you weren't seeing each other.  Nothing wrong with that either, IMO.

They knew we would be exchanging, and the plan was to exchange the next time we saw each other.

I meant to respond sooner, but what the OP says is what I expected.

When you make a promise to give a gift at a certain date/time, and do not fulfill that promise, it is rude. And since the gift recipients are children, it is even worse.

To keep saying "I forgot" brings up two possibilites. First, any disappointment the OP's kids have over not getting the promised gift means nothing to BIL or SIL, so rectifying the situation is not a priority for them. Second, BIL and SIL did not make the baskets at all. In either case, they are rude.

OP, next time you are scheduled to meet up with them, I would give them a quick call or text before they leave the house. Remind them to bring the baskets. That way they don't have any excuses for forgetting.

JenJay

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Re: The forgotten Easter Baskets
« Reply #9 on: May 03, 2014, 03:33:30 PM »
I think they're being rude. I had a relative who would always say "I have a birthday/Christmas gift for you, come see me!" When she'd come to us or we'd meet somewhere the gift was always "forgotten". It didn't take long to realize that no, there was no gift. If my parents had taken us I'm sure Relative would have had something she'd scrounged up or went out and grabbed. I know that probably isn't what's happening here, but still. It's not okay to keep telling a child that you have a gift for them and then make no effort to deliver it.

I would drop it. If they brought it up again I'd say "Don't worry about it, my kids didn't really notice." Next year I'd give them a heads-up a few weeks before Easter that exchanging baskets has become too complicated so you think it's time to stop.

m2kbug

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Re: The forgotten Easter Baskets
« Reply #10 on: May 03, 2014, 06:08:29 PM »
Sometimes these things happen and it's just a disappointing fact of life.  You are not entitled gifts and they are learning just to not expect it.  It sucks when this sort of thing is promised and not produced.  You should be working with your kids about how to manage disappointments like this and not so much trying to extract gifts from your family.  Yes it's disappointing.  You know this happens with Auntie Jane.  Just don't expect it.  Maybe she'll remember next time, maybe she won't.   

I think I would just tell my sister I don't want to do basket exchanges anymore.  I would probably feel comfortable telling my sister that it's just disappointing when she promises the baskets and doesn't deliver them and I would really rather just not do this exchange or at least not discuss it and promise it, and it would probably just be easier not to do it at all.  You can choose to continue showering your nieces and nephews with gifts or stop all together.  You will have to accept the fact that when you give them gifts, it won't necessarily be reciprocal.  I think you should just plan on working with your kids on this disappointing area of life.  The most important thing is spending time with family, it's not really about the presents.

shortstuff

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Re: The forgotten Easter Baskets
« Reply #11 on: May 03, 2014, 06:43:14 PM »
I don't know if this would be retaliatory rudeness or not, but I would have postponed giving my baskets until the full exchange could take place.  I would have phrased it along the lines of "It would be more fun for the kids to all have baskets together, let's reschedule for a time when you guys are ready." 

As kids my parents tried to ward off any jealousy by making sure each child had something to play with at any family gathering where a gift exchange was supposed to take place.  This wasn't a birthday party where only one kid was getting gifts, it was supposed to be all the kids getting something and enjoying it together. 

aussie_chick

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Re: The forgotten Easter Baskets
« Reply #12 on: May 03, 2014, 07:38:40 PM »
I don't think you are over reacting - providing of course I'm reading the Op correctly.
It seems to me that this Easter basket thing has been a tradition. That's why you too have continued with the baskets.
I get the impression that if it wasn't a tradition, you might not do as much or might do something differently.

I think when things have become traditions, if someone stops them, it can be confusing. Are they stopping for good? Did they just stop this year? etc etc

I agree that when you give a gift you shouldn't expect to receive one in return, but i think traditional giving like this where it has become the norm for you to give to someone's kids and them to give to yours, it's different.

Op, I think that in future you forget this tradition of easter baskets and just put something together for your own children. That way there is no expectation on anyone's part.

I think it's sad for your kids, especially if A&U have kept telling them their baskets are coming.

m2kbug

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Re: The forgotten Easter Baskets
« Reply #13 on: May 03, 2014, 08:08:41 PM »
I don't know if this would be retaliatory rudeness or not, but I would have postponed giving my baskets until the full exchange could take place.  I would have phrased it along the lines of "It would be more fun for the kids to all have baskets together, let's reschedule for a time when you guys are ready.

<snip>

I actually like this idea, and I don't think it seems like retaliatory rudeness.  I'm curious to hear other responses.


EllenS

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Re: The forgotten Easter Baskets
« Reply #14 on: May 03, 2014, 09:21:34 PM »
I would let the topic drop and discourage them from talking about it in front of the kids if they keep bringing it up this year. If they mention it outside the kids' hearing, I'd just say "whenever you get to it, no big deal".
Next year, I would not mention anything about it and if they bring it up, I would say "Let's not bother with that anymore, the kids get enough as it is."

In other words, I'd just try to take all the pressure/expectation out of it. If they are just the kind who overpromise their capabilities, this will allow them to save face and move past it.  If they are making drama, it will take away the incentive.