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Author Topic: Auntie Fern Steals Shoes  (Read 12400 times)

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Re: Auntie Fern Steals Shoes
« Reply #15 on: May 05, 2014, 02:48:09 PM »
"Last time you asked to try on my shoes you refused to give them back for half an hour, so no." Say it while laughing if it will help, but don't take them off.


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Re: Auntie Fern Steals Shoes
« Reply #16 on: May 05, 2014, 02:51:26 PM »
Regarding the foot fungus story, I don't believe in either JADEing or excuses, especially false ones. They tend to backfire.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying No and sticking to it. You don't have to explain why or make up a false reason in order to justify your refusal. Just say no.

And if I felt like I needed a reason, I might use "No, I'm trying to break them in to my feet."


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Re: Auntie Fern Steals Shoes
« Reply #17 on: May 05, 2014, 03:32:05 PM »
Sometimes it's easy for people to make excuses to themselves that they are "just borrowing" or "just trying out" something until the owner gives up and "gives" it to them, thus making everything kosher. So, cut through her denial, in a flat tone with a direct look in the eye:

"Aunt Fern, are you planning to keep those?"

or even:

"Aunt Fern, are you planning to steal those?"

(I cribbed this from a self-defense class. A way to confront a guy on a date who plans to "get some," isn't listening to "no," and is making excuses to himself that he may just be "coming on a little strong" but that's no biggie: "Are you planning to [assault] me?")


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Re: Auntie Fern Steals Shoes
« Reply #18 on: May 05, 2014, 04:13:10 PM »
Keep all your favorite shoes under lock and key when Aunt Fern visits.

MIL sees books I have borrowed from the library and begs me to give them to her. When, I say sorry, they're from the library, she asks a second time. So I hide them out of sight as well as my favorite magazines or they disappear.

She is in her 80's and generally nice, so I attribute this to her age and the onset of dementia. Even if Aunt Fern is young and able-bodied, keeping your shoes out of her reach should work.


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Re: Auntie Fern Steals Shoes
« Reply #19 on: May 05, 2014, 05:05:57 PM »
Also, i wouldn't limit the "items to guard around Fern" to shoes.  She could decide that she likes the (completely normal) reaction you have when she steals your stuff, that she should also take a fancy to your keys, sweaters, jackets, knickknacks, phone, etc.  Wasn't there a story here about a woman who decided she liked her hostess's purse and started unloading all of hostess's stuff so she could take it home?

POD.  If she will act like this when you are present, heavens only knows what she would do when she saw something she liked and others weren't around.
Always be polite, even to nasty people. Not because they are nice, but because you are.


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Re: Auntie Fern Steals Shoes
« Reply #20 on: May 05, 2014, 06:33:07 PM »
How have I missed the Fern threads until today?

Fern is just amping up the bad behavior to annoy you. My MIL is very similar to Fern. I would not take my shoes off, sweater, anything Fern could wear or misappropriate around her.
ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien


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Re: Auntie Fern Steals Shoes
« Reply #21 on: May 05, 2014, 08:52:29 PM »
You could  >:Dhave let her keep the shoes and led her to a computor where she will promptly buy you a new pair


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Re: Auntie Fern Steals Shoes
« Reply #22 on: May 06, 2014, 04:01:55 AM »
POD to the posters who said "No" is a complete sentence.
Aunt Fern: let me try those on
Op: No
Aunt Fern: aww why not? I really like them, i just need to know if they will suit/fit me
Op: No

rinse, lather and repeat as often as required and don't enter into any discussion about it


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Re: Auntie Fern Steals Shoes
« Reply #23 on: May 06, 2014, 06:41:36 AM »
I don't like to shriek but I was pretty close.

Giving her a shriek might be the only things that work, or go get someone who she will listen to and get them to take off your shoes. You gave her as solid as a no you possibly could, and I can't figure a way you can get politely physical to get your point across.

It is as good point to talk to your parents about not wanting to go to their house any more as long as Aunt Fern is around though.


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Re: Auntie Fern Steals Shoes
« Reply #24 on: May 06, 2014, 10:35:31 PM »
See, when I just read the title, I was thinking of the Sex and the City episode where Carrie attends a shower where all the guests had to remove their shoes, and someone else walked away with her $400 high heels. 

But, a pair of crocs are just plain old comfy, not expensive, no excuse that you cannot get your own pair, regular shoes!

So, Aunt Fern is a few fronds short of a plant, and I would have to use the "No." as a complete sentence, and repeat ad nauseam. 

(I have a few of the old "ugly" crocs and the newer Mary Jane sandals and regular sandals, that are quite cute, but...not once has someone wanted to wear them fresh off my feet! ???
Fear is temporary...Regret is forever.


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Re: Auntie Fern Steals Shoes
« Reply #25 on: May 06, 2014, 11:28:32 PM »
You shouldn't have to hide your own things and secure your own things in your own home.

An invited guest in your home should respect your things when they are in your home.

Just don't have Aunt Fern in your home anymore.

**I probably wouldn't have taken such a hard line if this was the first / only incident with her trampling all over your boundaries, but it's not, so I did.


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Re: Auntie Fern Steals Shoes
« Reply #26 on: May 07, 2014, 02:44:35 AM »
Yell, at her. And I'm not kidding. I have a sister who refuses to take no for an answer. I have literally said "no" to her 9 or 10 times. She also craves attention and engages in a lot of attention getting behavior.

Your aunt running around wearing your shoes, and refusing to take them off reminds me of my sister.

I know it's not very nice, but when you have told someone something directly numerous times, and they ignore you, you have to get more forceful.