Author Topic: The forgotten Easter Baskets  (Read 5363 times)

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sammycat

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Re: The forgotten Easter Baskets
« Reply #15 on: May 03, 2014, 09:26:39 PM »
I don't know if this would be retaliatory rudeness or not, but I would have postponed giving my baskets until the full exchange could take place.  I would have phrased it along the lines of "It would be more fun for the kids to all have baskets together, let's reschedule for a time when you guys are ready.

<snip>

I actually like this idea, and I don't think it seems like retaliatory rudeness.  I'm curious to hear other responses.

IME, unless all parties had their gifts available to give out, then that's exactly what would happen - it would be delayed until everyone had their thing to exchange.

I can't imagine going along to a reciprocal gift giving event, and an established one at that, and receiving but not giving. Especially if there are children involved. I'd feel very heartless if my kids received the present from the other side, but we didn't give one in return.

In the OP's case it sounds as though the aunt and uncle never even organised a basket for the OP's kids (or gave it to their own kids), because they weren't getting together over Easter as per usual.

I think if someone is able to meet up at a later date to receive a gift for their kids (without their kids being present), then they can also come along with the reciprocal thing to exchange. No, no one is entitled to a present, but in something like this it just seems rather meanspirited.

I wouldn't make any fuss about this year to my in laws, but next year I wouldn't hand anything over unless it's actually at a gathering and all the kids are getting something. If there's no family gathering, I'd just give the gifts to my own kids (or eat them myself), and not worry about the exchange in the future.

metallicafan

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Re: The forgotten Easter Baskets
« Reply #16 on: May 03, 2014, 09:28:59 PM »
I really don't see how I'm trying to extract gifts from family when I'm not the one who is insisting upon exchanging in the first place.  I haven't been asking them about the baskets.  And this is not the first time they have done this.  They insist,  and then they are the ones who don't follow through.

LeveeWoman

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Re: The forgotten Easter Baskets
« Reply #17 on: May 03, 2014, 09:53:15 PM »
I really don't see how I'm trying to extract gifts from family when I'm not the one who is insisting upon exchanging in the first place.  I haven't been asking them about the baskets.  And this is not the first time they have done this.  They insist,  and then they are the ones who don't follow through.

The next time they mention exchanging any kind of gift, do whatever is necessary to politely decline. If they continue to bring it up, unload a 55-gallon drum of bean dip on them and leave as soon as possible.

m2kbug

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Re: The forgotten Easter Baskets
« Reply #18 on: May 03, 2014, 10:33:34 PM »
I really don't see how I'm trying to extract gifts from family when I'm not the one who is insisting upon exchanging in the first place.  I haven't been asking them about the baskets.  And this is not the first time they have done this.  They insist,  and then they are the ones who don't follow through.

I said "extract gifts from family" and it was intended to be tongue-in-cheek.  I doubt you're calling anyone up telling them you expect to see the gifts by Friday.  My apologies.  You do expect your children will receive these gifts, and there is nothing wrong with that.  This is the whole point of this tradition.  I think you need to focus on your kids working through the disappointment of not receiving anything if you can't talk to her about forgetting or making these promises and not following through.  If she can't follow through with this tradition, I don't see the point of trying to continue it.  The whole thing is about giving baskets to the kids and half of them aren't getting anything.  A&U clearly have problems following through, and I don't know what the reason is, but I would want to drop it at this point.  It's not working.  You and your children are just left disappointed.   If she is insistent, I like "shortstuff's" idea a lot, and just hold off giving out your baskets until all the kids can do it together. 

peaches

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Re: The forgotten Easter Baskets
« Reply #19 on: May 03, 2014, 10:44:24 PM »
I really don't see how I'm trying to extract gifts from family when I'm not the one who is insisting upon exchanging in the first place.  I haven't been asking them about the baskets.  And this is not the first time they have done this.  They insist,  and then they are the ones who don't follow through.

Time to drop out of this so-called exchange.

Next year, when the topic comes up, politely decline to participate. "Our kids get so much at Easter, they really don't need more. We won't be doing an exchange this year."

If you get push-back, stick to your guns.
« Last Edit: May 03, 2014, 10:53:32 PM by peaches »

TootsNYC

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Re: The forgotten Easter Baskets
« Reply #20 on: May 03, 2014, 11:01:12 PM »
I really don't see how I'm trying to extract gifts from family when I'm not the one who is insisting upon exchanging in the first place.  I haven't been asking them about the baskets.  And this is not the first time they have done this.  They insist,  and then they are the ones who don't follow through.

The next time they mention exchanging any kind of gift, do whatever is necessary to politely decline. If they continue to bring it up, unload a 55-gallon drum of bean dip on them and leave as soon as possible.

I agree. And also, I think absolutely you should never hand over any gifts until there is a true exchange. Just leave the niece and nephew's Easter baskets in the closet until whenever.

Or call up and say, "We'll come over and exchange Easter baskets tomorrow if you like--I'd like to get them out of my closet. Do you have the ones for my kids, or will you have them by tomorrow?"

Because yeah, it's a big bummer to have an uneven exchange, especially when your kids are right there.

You can also absolutely call up and say, "I noticed you weren't able to give my kids an Easter basket this year. Let's stop doing it. It seems like it's too difficult for you, so let's just drop the whole thing. And anyway, uneven is no fun for anybody."

LeveeWoman

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Re: The forgotten Easter Baskets
« Reply #21 on: May 04, 2014, 12:55:33 AM »
I really don't see how I'm trying to extract gifts from family when I'm not the one who is insisting upon exchanging in the first place.  I haven't been asking them about the baskets.  And this is not the first time they have done this.  They insist,  and then they are the ones who don't follow through.

The next time they mention exchanging any kind of gift, do whatever is necessary to politely decline. If they continue to bring it up, unload a 55-gallon drum of bean dip on them and leave as soon as possible.

I agree. And also, I think absolutely you should never hand over any gifts until there is a true exchange. Just leave the niece and nephew's Easter baskets in the closet until whenever.

Or call up and say, "We'll come over and exchange Easter baskets tomorrow if you like--I'd like to get them out of my closet. Do you have the ones for my kids, or will you have them by tomorrow?"

Because yeah, it's a big bummer to have an uneven exchange, especially when your kids are right there.

You can also absolutely call up and say, "I noticed you weren't able to give my kids an Easter basket this year. Let's stop doing it. It seems like it's too difficult for you, so let's just drop the whole thing. And anyway, uneven is no fun for anybody."

DITTO!

Rusty

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Re: The forgotten Easter Baskets
« Reply #22 on: May 04, 2014, 01:43:21 AM »

We had a similar situation in our family years ago.  BIL and SIL would always ring and ask what we were getting for their children's birthdays, Easter, Christmas and so on.    SIL would always call a few days before her children's birthdays  "to remind us".

Funny thing was that when it was my kids birthdays we would never hear a thing from them.  Of course, at times, we had birthday parties and they came, several times with nothing in hand, and we would be told "the present" was coming later.  Most times the present appeared after their own kids birthdays, about 3 months later, and would be things they re-gifted.

I finally had enough one year and after son never even received a card I rang SIL and said all gift giving was now at an end.  I never said why, I didn't have to.   SIL meekly replied "Oh, OK".

But she did retaliate in her own way.  I continue to send Christmas cards to them but have never received one in return since. I also have never referred to it.

metallicafan

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Re: The forgotten Easter Baskets
« Reply #23 on: May 05, 2014, 12:38:31 AM »
UPDATE:

We went to MIL's house for dinner today and BIL&SIL came also and gave my boys their gifts.

purple

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Re: The forgotten Easter Baskets
« Reply #24 on: May 05, 2014, 12:46:24 AM »
It's good that it all worked out.

However, if it bothers you so much that you may end up in a situation where you give a gift and don't get an equal gift back, I think that it might be best to not do this next year.

lkdrymom

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Re: The forgotten Easter Baskets
« Reply #25 on: May 05, 2014, 07:51:47 AM »

We had a similar situation in our family years ago.  BIL and SIL would always ring and ask what we were getting for their children's birthdays, Easter, Christmas and so on.    SIL would always call a few days before her children's birthdays  "to remind us".

Funny thing was that when it was my kids birthdays we would never hear a thing from them.  Of course, at times, we had birthday parties and they came, several times with nothing in hand, and we would be told "the present" was coming later.  Most times the present appeared after their own kids birthdays, about 3 months later, and would be things they re-gifted.

I finally had enough one year and after son never even received a card I rang SIL and said all gift giving was now at an end.  I never said why, I didn't have to.   SIL meekly replied "Oh, OK".

But she did retaliate in her own way.  I continue to send Christmas cards to them but have never received one in return since. I also have never referred to it.


I had a friend do this to me. She would call and remind me around her sons' birthdays...yet most time she would forget my kids' birthdays. After that happened a few times I just stopped giving gifts (unless we were invited to a party, then I would bring a gift).

bopper

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Re: The forgotten Easter Baskets
« Reply #26 on: May 05, 2014, 10:29:41 AM »
I would say that since it is not the first time that they didn't bring a basket for your kids that they really don't want to exchange baskets. They probably get one at home and may be something from grandparents, so they may not need/want more candy nor want to buy more candy/presents.
Yes, it is a little disappointing, but just accept it. Don't ask anymore this year, and Don't prepare anything next year. If they happen to get something next year just say "Oh, I thought we weren't exchanging anymore."

JenJay

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Re: The forgotten Easter Baskets
« Reply #27 on: May 05, 2014, 10:51:23 AM »
I would say that since it is not the first time that they didn't bring a basket for your kids that they really don't want to exchange baskets. They probably get one at home and may be something from grandparents, so they may not need/want more candy nor want to buy more candy/presents.
Yes, it is a little disappointing, but just accept it. Don't ask anymore this year, and Don't prepare anything next year. If they happen to get something next year just say "Oh, I thought we weren't exchanging anymore."

Except that it's OP's SIL that insists on exchanging baskets, OP would love to stop (and hopefully will after this year!). That's what makes it so weird and, IMO, rude. SIL basically demands an exchange, receives for her kids, and forgets to give to OP's kids.

I'm glad it all worked out, metallicafan!

rose red

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Re: The forgotten Easter Baskets
« Reply #28 on: May 05, 2014, 11:01:22 AM »
Next year, I would call them up before the get-together to remind them "I have your baskets. The kids are looking forward to exchanging them." If they still "forget," I would do the suggestion above and tell them you'll wait to give them out until all the kids have something to open together (hold your baskets hostage). If it's still to frustrating, just insist on ending this tradition.

mime

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Re: The forgotten Easter Baskets
« Reply #29 on: May 05, 2014, 11:03:45 AM »
I also don't think you're overreacting, and I like the responses that politely end the tradition.

I was in a similar situation when I was growing up, but instead of no gift from A&U, it was typically a disappointing gift. My mom found just the right gifts for my cousins, and they were always things I'd love to have myself. A&U would give brother & I things like: two gloves-- for the left hand, a t-shirt that's way to small, toys well below our age level, etc. When my mom suggested that 16 (or somewhere around there) was a good time to stop recieving gifts as we'd outgrown the tradition or some benign reason like that, my cousins were very disappointed because the gifts to them were always so thoughtful. DB and I couldn't care less, because the gifts to us were generally useless. Of course we were grateful and appreciated the thought; we were raised to display good manners after all. Of course the best thing was seeing these relatives because we all truly adored each other. *But* we weren't blind to the discrepancy, and it was disappointing.

If you politely end the tradition or scale it back to just a chocolate bunny or Matchbox car or something minor, then your family can remove that disappointment associated with A&U and just enjoy their company.