Author Topic: pick up at the door or not?  (Read 3595 times)

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gramma dishes

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Re: pick up at the door or not?
« Reply #15 on: May 04, 2014, 03:49:28 PM »
We have two daughters and a son.

Our daughters would never have left the house without their date coming to the door.  We did, of course, have plenty of parking in our driveway and also in front of the house so that would not be an issue.  Our son was let in on the fact that that's part of a date.  You park the car, get out and go to the door.  You might even have to make small talk with the parents for a minute or two.  The parents of the girl had a right to know your name, see your face and be given at least a loose itinerary.  "We're going to a movie and might stop afterward for a bite to eat."

Of course, once they graduated from high school we no longer had any control of any of that, so I don't know whether the practice continued during and after college or not.  I hope it did.  I think it's nice.

GreenEyedHawk

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Re: pick up at the door or not?
« Reply #16 on: May 04, 2014, 04:13:17 PM »
^^GrammaDishes, my parents are very similar to you.  Both my friends and my dates had to come to the door and greet my parents before I went anywhere with anyone.  I sure hope times haven't changed so much that this isn't normal anymore, because I think it's nice too.
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Mergatroyd

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Re: pick up at the door or not?
« Reply #17 on: May 04, 2014, 04:41:39 PM »
Canadian here, if he didn't come to the door, I didn't go out. Meeting somewhere was fine, but was not really considered a true 'adult' date. (Small town.) Waiting in the street was ghastly rude.

catwhiskers

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Re: pick up at the door or not?
« Reply #18 on: May 04, 2014, 04:48:36 PM »
UK here. I would expect a date picking me up from the house to come to the door, but would not be offended if he texted or called due to not being able to find somewhere to park (can be tough around here if you don't live here and have off road parking). There is no way I would give my address to someone I'd met online and was meeting for the first time though.

Surianne

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Re: pick up at the door or not?
« Reply #19 on: May 04, 2014, 07:24:08 PM »
I'm in Canada and either way would be fine with me. 

purple

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Re: pick up at the door or not?
« Reply #20 on: May 04, 2014, 08:49:35 PM »
I would expect a man to come to the door and I'd expect him to walk me to my door and see me safely inside at the end of the date too.

If he didn't, then I likely wouldn't accept another invitation from him.

But then, I'm told that I'm old fashioned with these kinds of things.  :)

EllenS

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Re: pick up at the door or not?
« Reply #21 on: May 04, 2014, 09:43:38 PM »
I'm in the US, grew up in the South, and the attitude around here is that men who pick up women by calling them from the car, or by honking the horn are expected to pay the "date" for her services later.

It's really that bad, by local standards.

When I lived in BigCity in an apartment building with intercoms, protocol was that the date would buzz and the lady would either say "I'll be right down" or buzz to open the main door and meet her date in the lobby (if there was a proper lobby).

I would meet a first date from the Internet in a cafe or other neutral location. If you don't want someone to know/see where you live - don't give your address!
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Raintree

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Re: pick up at the door or not?
« Reply #22 on: May 05, 2014, 01:08:03 AM »
Canada here.

A date that couldn't be bothered to come to the door would be considered quite rude, unless you've been seeing each other for a while and it's become a lot more casual, "I'll be ready, call when you're outside."

I shudder to think of giving a stranger from the internet my home address right off the bat, or for that matter, getting into his car to go on the date.

MariaE

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Re: pick up at the door or not?
« Reply #23 on: May 05, 2014, 02:32:55 AM »
Dane here - pick up at the door unless previously agreed that he'd just call when he was nearby.

Even my parents come to pick me up at the door if they're taking me somewhere.
 
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aussie_chick

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Re: pick up at the door or not?
« Reply #24 on: May 05, 2014, 04:59:52 AM »
Aussie here...
I agree with others regarding the safety issues raised.
However, if the person is comfortable giving their address to someone they've never met, then the question remains, should the date come to the door? I think absolutely yes. Having said that, I have't had a lot of experience with that except my current partner - which probably explains why i think he's pretty special!
First dates, in my experience, it's not unusual to meet out somewhere and generally by the time they're coming to the house to collect you, they're probably coming inside to chat or coming in for dinner or a drink or something.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: pick up at the door or not?
« Reply #25 on: May 05, 2014, 06:51:15 AM »
Having three boys and living in a neighborhood where people frequently honk the horn several times while waiting for someone to come out, I have had many opportunities to stress to them that when they get a driver's license and are picking up a girl for a date, they are to:

1. Never, ever honk.
2. Go to the door and knock to pick her up, every time.

Really, they're so annoyed by the honking that it didn't take much to get them to agree to no honking.
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siamesecat2965

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Re: pick up at the door or not?
« Reply #26 on: May 05, 2014, 11:31:54 AM »
My experience has been, initially, dates come to the door to pick me up. Back in HS, absolutely, so my parents could meet him, etc. If we'd been dating for a while, simply pulling into the driveway was fine, and more often than not, I'd be waiting right inside the door, and go out, but that my was choice.

In college, dates would come to the reception, and they'd buzz my room, and I'd come to the lobby. Very rarely did they come direclty to my room, unless we were going to be hanging out there, and as everyone had to be signed in, I'd still have to come down and do that.

Now, I will say I really have not dated since moving out on my own. The few times have been blind dates, doubling with the couple that set us up, so I met them at their house, and we went from there. Were I to decide to try online dating, initially, I'm meeting them somewhere neutral, and no way in heck are they getting my address. I'd expect, at the end, if we met at a restaurant, they'd walk me to my car, but nothing more.  And if it ever progressed to them coming to my apt, yes, I'd expect they come to the door, and walk me to the door, unless I said "just call and I'll come out when you get here"

TootsNYC

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Re: pick up at the door or not?
« Reply #27 on: May 05, 2014, 12:01:39 PM »
Here in the U.S., in the scenario of dating teenagers, it's a Big Deal to come to the door. There are stories in our canon of parents who are Less Than Impressed if the date pulls up in his car an honks the horn.

It's seen as implying, "I can't be bothered to come and tell you I'm here; I'll just sit her in the car, and -you- come to -me-."

I would think that if I want to make a good impression, I'd go knock on the door. I have the address, so I'll make the extra effort.

I have no idea if this has any international variation, but this is what the social context is in the U.S.


siamesecat2965

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Re: pick up at the door or not?
« Reply #28 on: May 05, 2014, 12:29:30 PM »
Here in the U.S., in the scenario of dating teenagers, it's a Big Deal to come to the door. There are stories in our canon of parents who are Less Than Impressed if the date pulls up in his car an honks the horn.

It's seen as implying, "I can't be bothered to come and tell you I'm here; I'll just sit her in the car, and -you- come to -me-."

I would think that if I want to make a good impression, I'd go knock on the door. I have the address, so I'll make the extra effort.

I have no idea if this has any international variation, but this is what the social context is in the U.S.

I agree, but like I said, after we'd been dating for a while, my folks knew him, etc. it was fine for him to just pull into the driveway, and me go out. no honking or anything, but many times I'd be out the door before he could even get his car door open! But also, my parents didn't need to give him the third degree after being together for a while; more often than not they weren't home, or doing something else, and I'd just say bye, see ya later.

But I agree it is the right thing to do to come to the door, especially if you just met, and make your pleasantries with the parents. Its a sign of respect.

Lynn2000

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Re: pick up at the door or not?
« Reply #29 on: May 05, 2014, 01:23:53 PM »
I'd expect them to come to the door, but I wouldn't be offended if they texted me to come outside. Though, I live in an apartment with a buzzer system. If I'm getting picked up, my friends almost always call/text for me to come out rather than they come all the way up just for me to come down.

Honking is rude though.

This is where I fall. (US Midwest) Whenever anyone comes to my apartment to pick me up, they almost always just call to say they're here, and I come down and get in the car with them. This is my parents, friends, co-workers, etc.. They would only use the buzzer, get into the building, and come up to my apartment door if they had need to be in my apartment, like my mom wanted to use my bathroom before we went out. If we are just going to turn around and go back down, why should they come up?

Of course this is an apartment building with a buzzer, and there's limited parking sometimes, and what parking there is, is metered. So it seems especially silly to me to drive around looking for a parking spot, take it, put some money in the meter, call me from the buzzer box, come up to my apartment door, and then we turn around and go back downstairs.

Honking as a signal is, I think, rude and annoying, and also a safety issue, as other people/cars may think you're honking at them due to something traffic safety related. And in my case it would be pointless--my apartment faces the building's interior courtyard so I wouldn't hear the fool honking anyway.

If there was a house with a clear driveway that the driver pulls into, yeah, it does seem a bit weirder to me to stay sitting in the car and just call the person inside the house. I could think of reasons for it that are fine, though. And I really wouldn't be offended if they did it. I get the thing about a minor's parents wanting to see who their child is going out with, but I don't think it really applies in this case.

I'm wondering why roommate felt he should not come to the door? Is there something actively insulting about that in her culture, or did she just think he was weird to make that effort? Kind of like, you're going for a khakis-level dinner and the guy shows up in a three piece suit and tie. You don't know if you should be like, "Aww, that's sweet, he's really trying!" or "Hmm, that's off, do we have different expectations already?"
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