Author Topic: The old bait and switch...  (Read 6052 times)

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staceym

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Re: The old bait and switch...
« Reply #15 on: May 05, 2014, 08:43:30 AM »
I think what really bugged me about this and not make me go is not so much the bait & switch (which, in and of itself would be a turn off) - but it's the way they worded it (if the wording in the OP is what they actually wrote) would have made me see red.  "hamburgers and hot dogs and that's it"  and bring drinks "because we won't have any here for anyone except for ourselves" - what are they going to do, lock away all of "their" drinks and go to the secret hiding place when they want one?

WOW really - yeah, I would write back "thank you for your KIND invitation, but something has come up"

Hmmmmm

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Re: The old bait and switch...
« Reply #16 on: May 05, 2014, 09:05:17 AM »
If camping is very common amngst the family, I probably would have assumed that sleep over meant pitching a tent but I do thnk they should have clarified.

But I agree with above OP that it's the wording. Family potlucks are common in our family so each family would already be asking what they could bring. If the email had said "We are planning to serve burgers and hot dogs. We are hoping each family could bring a side, snack, or dessert. We expect to have around 25 people. We will have waters and sodas but bring anything else your family might want to,drink." I would have just thought I was getting god info. But not providing basic drinks for a party is poor hosting and of course you shouldn't suggest a gift is expected.

I'd go if I really wanted to see the extended family.

siamesecat2965

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Re: The old bait and switch...
« Reply #17 on: May 05, 2014, 09:44:13 AM »
I think you'd be fine to decline, in light of the change in the nature of the party. And on the camping thing. Ok, some might be ok with pitching a tent in the yard, but what about bathroom facilities for them? While there may not be "space" in the house to sleep, all those who camp out will probably have to use the bathroom facilities, so how will that work?

I'd politely decline, saying that it won't be possible to meet all the requirements, and send Uncle a card and/or gift separately.

lowspark

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Re: The old bait and switch...
« Reply #18 on: May 05, 2014, 10:06:57 AM »
I'm having trouble figuring out what is meant by this:
Quote
'Everyone in your family needs to bring enough food for 20-25 people.

So, if there are four people in your family, you are supposed to bring enough food for 80-100 people?
Doesn't make sense at all.

Is it a potluck? That's not how they work. Everyone brings one normal recipe size dish and shares and there is plenty of everything to go around because people only eat a small amount of each thing.

Or is it a BYOFood thing? In which case, you only need to bring enough to feed yourself, so what's with the "food for 20-25 people"?

All that is just my own curiosity but in any case I'd be rescinding my acceptance and just say, "We won't be able to meet those requirements so we'll have to decline. Be sure to pass our Best Wishes on to Uncle."

rose red

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Re: The old bait and switch...
« Reply #19 on: May 05, 2014, 10:32:02 AM »
I agree with everyone. Tell them you can't make it after all. If they push or complain, tell the truth "Your event changed and that's not the event I said yes to."

JenJay

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Re: The old bait and switch...
« Reply #20 on: May 05, 2014, 10:35:16 AM »
Just out of curiosity, does "everyone in your family needs to bring food" mean that you are expected to bring several potluck dishes for 20-25 people?

Oh wow you're right, I missed that. It could mean "Your family of 4 needs to bring 4 side dishes, enough to feed 25 people each." I'm hoping that's not what it meant though because that wouldn't make any sense. Even when it's understood that a BBQ is potluck, it's generally one dish per family, nobody expects kids to provide anything.

I had another thought, are they asking everyone to provide food? If the hosts are providing the burgers, dogs and condiments, and asking guests to provide a side that serves 25+, they really only need a handful of people to bring sides. If they've literally asked 20+ guests to not only bring a dish, but enough of it for everyone, they'll be able to live off the leftovers for quite awhile. If, on the other hand, they're only expecting a handful of guests to pitch in, why was OP singled out? She's not close to them emotionally or physically.

PastryGoddess

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Re: The old bait and switch...
« Reply #21 on: May 05, 2014, 10:49:06 AM »
I would decline and use the time off to do something fun for you and your family.  If you can afford it, stay at a hotel.  Maybe visit the family for a few hours but then leave and do your own thing.


Mergatroyd

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Re: The old bait and switch...
« Reply #22 on: May 05, 2014, 10:50:17 AM »
Because the invite was sent out by facebook, it is possible they had more people RSVP yes then they thought they would, and thus the panic over sleeping arrangements this late in the game. Still, My house would be packed with only one family of four staying over, unless they all wanted to sleep on the floor.
 Since OP isn't that close to them (hasn't seen them in a couple years) I highly doubt she could expect to get one of the few beds even if they wereall to sleep in the house. Grandparents, siblings of uncle, and his own friends would likely claim/get those places.
 OP should have inquired further into the sleeping arrangements before booking time off work. I expect in most cases that would be rude, but a facebook invite with ill-thought out ideas should definitely be an exception.
It does sound that OP's family might be expected to bring the majority of the other food, unless other people have been told to bring items for breakfast and/or lunch either day. You can't have people stay over and not feed them breakfast after all.


staceym

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Re: The old bait and switch...
« Reply #23 on: May 05, 2014, 10:55:59 AM »
oh, I forgot about breakfast the next day since they want people to stay over.  hmmmmmmm   8)

FoxPaws

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Re: The old bait and switch...
« Reply #24 on: May 05, 2014, 11:13:18 AM »
I would decline. And I would not feel bad about it because the party that I RSVP'd to is no longer happening. This is a different event entirely.
I am so a lady. And if you say I'm not, I'll slug you. - Cindy Brady

shhh its me

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Re: The old bait and switch...
« Reply #25 on: May 05, 2014, 11:28:21 AM »
oh, I forgot about breakfast the next day since they want people to stay over.  hmmmmmmm   8)
Breakfast ,  coffee , showers , midnight night snacks.  Springing "hey can you bring cole slaw for 20 people for the party" might be a mistake/miscommunication and is relatively close to " Come for surprise BBQ and slumber party." Once you say "I am providing only hamburgers. " now I need a tent , sleeping bags , towels ,  coolers of food (snacks , breakfast. maybe dinner if the BBQ is early enough)  and drinks for 14-20 hours  , now its an ordeal and  not even vaguely close to the invite. 

nayberry

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Re: The old bait and switch...
« Reply #26 on: May 05, 2014, 11:47:54 AM »
I would decline. And I would not feel bad about it because the party that I RSVP'd to is no longer happening. This is a different event entirely.

+1

TheaterDiva1

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Re: The old bait and switch...
« Reply #27 on: May 05, 2014, 11:59:34 AM »
And gee - what about toilets, showers in the morning, etc? Is each person supposed to dig their own latrine as well?

doodlemor

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Re: The old bait and switch...
« Reply #28 on: May 05, 2014, 01:56:24 PM »
And gee - what about toilets, showers in the morning, etc? Is each person supposed to dig their own latrine as well?

Yuck, TheaterDiva is right!!  I wonder if the well and septic on the property can handle the event, or if the "hosts" are renting porta potties.  Even with the potties, it sounds like this would be a strain on the well.

wolfie

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Re: The old bait and switch...
« Reply #29 on: May 05, 2014, 02:09:12 PM »
And gee - what about toilets, showers in the morning, etc? Is each person supposed to dig their own latrine as well?

Yuck, TheaterDiva is right!!  I wonder if the well and septic on the property can handle the event, or if the "hosts" are renting porta potties.  Even with the potties, it sounds like this would be a strain on the well.

How do you know they are on a well? I don't see that in the OP. Did she mention it in a later post?