Author Topic: Auntie Fern Steals Shoes  (Read 5111 times)

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GSNW

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Auntie Fern Steals Shoes
« on: May 05, 2014, 01:32:55 PM »
Previous Aunt Fern discussions here:
http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=124198.0
http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=126411.msg2915411#msg2915411

I was at my parent's house this weekend, Fern lives close, so she's always there.  She likes my shoes.  They're Crocs sandals, like these:

http://www.amazon.com/Crocs-10386-Womens-Patricia-Sandal/dp/B001IV5BW2

So she sees them, asks about them, I tell her I got them from amazon.  She asks to try them on.  I wasn't into it but let her slip her feet in.  Her feet are about the same size but super wide, her big toe joint sticks out enormously.  She exclaimed over them then gave them back. 

I was chasing the dogs around in the grass later and kicked my shoes off on the porch.  Ten minutes later, I see Auntie Fern wearing them around.  She loves them!  So comfortable!  Must have a pair!

I asked nicely if I could have them back.  "No, no, I need to try them out more!"

I'm annoyed at this point and thinking she's stretching them out.  I don't know if they can be irreparably stretched but I'm not interested in finding out.  I asked her again in five minutes.  "Wow, I love these shoes, where again did you buy them?  How much?" (total evil beandip).

I finally said, "Aunt Fern, I want my shoes back, please.  Right now."  She responded, "Just a minute, let me get my phone to take a picture..."

I said, "NO, I want to wear them, NOW PLEASE."  I was being pretty forceful.  She walked off IGNORING ME COMPLETELY TO GET HER PHONE.  Admittedly, at this point I pretty much felt like pitching a full-scale tantrum or running off to get my mommy.  My granddad was watching all this with interest and awe.  He just shook his head when she went to get the phone.  After the picture, she gave them back. 

So short of not wearing any halfway decent shoes around Fern in the future, what can I do if it happens again or what else could I have done?  I don't like to shriek but I was pretty close.

lowspark

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Re: Auntie Fern Steals Shoes
« Reply #1 on: May 05, 2014, 01:38:21 PM »
When she asks to try them on, say No. If she asks again, ignore her just like she ignored you.

And don't take your shoes off when she's around. If you really want to take them off for some reason, like running around in the grass, hide them somewhere or put them somewhere inaccessible like locked in your car.

Zizi-K

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Re: Auntie Fern Steals Shoes
« Reply #2 on: May 05, 2014, 01:39:30 PM »
Ew, I would not like someone else wearing my shoes barefooted. I can't believe she tried them on once, then put them back on - what is the point of that?? I think you were completely justified in insisting. In the future, I suppose you have to guard your shoes and avoid taking them off around her? Also, I would decline having her try them on. "OH, sorry, no. I think I might be coming down with a foot fungus.Wouldn't want you to catch it." She'd never go near your shoes again!

metallicafan

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Re: Auntie Fern Steals Shoes
« Reply #3 on: May 05, 2014, 01:44:24 PM »
I think the best thing is to say no the next time she asks to try on your shoes.  She was very rude for what she did.
Say no, and then either redirect the conversation, or excuse yourself, you need to use the bathroom,  get more chips, drink, etc.

EMuir

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Re: Auntie Fern Steals Shoes
« Reply #4 on: May 05, 2014, 01:47:53 PM »
If you don't want her trying your shoes and you don't find it embarrassing to say this, tell her you are fighting foot fungus yourself and can't in good conscience let her expose herself. It's more polite than suggesting someone else may have foot fungus.

Oh Joy

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Re: Auntie Fern Steals Shoes
« Reply #5 on: May 05, 2014, 01:49:34 PM »
Remain calm of tone, but be direct and insistent until she complies.  And remember - even though you feel uncomfortable with the public confrontation, she is the one both violating etiquette and causing the problem, not you.

Best wishes.

lowspark

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Re: Auntie Fern Steals Shoes
« Reply #6 on: May 05, 2014, 01:51:55 PM »
Regarding the foot fungus story, I don't believe in either JADEing or excuses, especially false ones. They tend to backfire.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying No and sticking to it. You don't have to explain why or make up a false reason in order to justify your refusal. Just say no.

Luci

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Re: Auntie Fern Steals Shoes
« Reply #7 on: May 05, 2014, 02:23:59 PM »
Regarding the foot fungus story, I don't believe in either JADEing or excuses, especially false ones. They tend to backfire.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying No and sticking to it. You don't have to explain why or make up a false reason in order to justify your refusal. Just say no.

Absolutely!

TootsNYC

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Re: Auntie Fern Steals Shoes
« Reply #8 on: May 05, 2014, 02:26:07 PM »
"Aunt Fern, it squicks me out to have people put their feet in my shoes / use my stuff. So no, you can't."

And you know what? Feel free to throw a semi-tantrum.

GratefulMaria

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Re: Auntie Fern Steals Shoes
« Reply #9 on: May 05, 2014, 02:29:00 PM »
Regarding the foot fungus story, I don't believe in either JADEing or excuses, especially false ones. They tend to backfire.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying No and sticking to it. You don't have to explain why or make up a false reason in order to justify your refusal. Just say no.

Absolutely!

Agreed.  "No" is a complete sentence.

If you have to take something off or leave it out of your control around her, can you lock it up in your car?

JeanFromBNA

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Re: Auntie Fern Steals Shoes
« Reply #10 on: May 05, 2014, 02:40:15 PM »
I would have told her that she could keep them since she stretched them out.  >:D

I have the same pair.  They are very comfortable.

Mergatroyd

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Re: Auntie Fern Steals Shoes
« Reply #11 on: May 05, 2014, 02:48:10 PM »
I would have told her that she could keep them since she stretched them out.  >:D

I have the same pair.  They are very comfortable.
Probably exactly what she was hoping for. Or for OP to not notice as she left wearing them.

This time, I'm admiring you for not giving in to your want to have a tantrum. I'm not sure I'd have been so strong! Next time, if you have something she wants, either don't take it off, don't bring it, or hide it asap.

Sophia

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Re: Auntie Fern Steals Shoes
« Reply #12 on: May 05, 2014, 02:53:02 PM »
And every time you say No in the future, say "No because of 'The Croc Incident'." 

Ms_Cellany

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Re: Auntie Fern Steals Shoes
« Reply #13 on: May 05, 2014, 03:10:20 PM »
I would have told her that she could keep them since she stretched them out.  >:D


That would only reward her. I'd donate them to a thrift store, rather.
Current fosters: Boojum (F, adult);  Balrog, Rooney, Rascal, Rocket (M)

weeblewobble

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Re: Auntie Fern Steals Shoes
« Reply #14 on: May 05, 2014, 03:41:54 PM »
Also, i wouldn't limit the "items to guard around Fern" to shoes.  She could decide that she likes the (completely normal) reaction you have when she steals your stuff, that she should also take a fancy to your keys, sweaters, jackets, knickknacks, phone, etc.  Wasn't there a story here about a woman who decided she liked her hostess's purse and started unloading all of hostess's stuff so she could take it home?