Why is communication with your grandparents going through your mom? If your grandparents want an intimate visit, they can call you directly.
This is what I was wondering as well.
Now, this is just my interpretation and I may be reading it wrong, but I got the impression that your mother wishes she had the type of family who are super-duper close and visit each other constantly, and is disappointed she doesn't - so she tries to make it so by guilt tripping you into visiting. Don't let her; as someone else mentioned, you are not obligated to visit anyone if you don't want to - sure, it would be nice, but you don't have to.
OP here. The bolded is very true. And I think what's hard for my mom is that we WERE super close, but she and I had a huge falling out years ago (when I was an adult, but before I got married). We are still mending, but mom likes to pretend everything is a-ok and doesn't understand why I don't want to see her all the time. Consequently, she tries to guilt me a lot, about a lot of things, and most of the time I recognize it as ridiculous. But in this particular instance, I was having trouble seeing if she had a valid point.
As to why communication is going through Mom: while I do have a good relationship
with my GPs (good in the sense that we have no issues and it is a loving relationship
), I do not have an independent
with them. I would guess I have spoken to them over the phone maybe a dozen times in my life, and those conversations are never longer than 5 minutes (no exaggeration). Every visit with them is facilitated by my mother. I have never visited them without my mom being there also, and thinking about it, my mom would likely view it as a slight if I did (obviously that would be on her, but I'm just trying to give the dynamic).
I guess it's never to late to establish a relationship
with my GPs outside of my mom. It would really all be on me, though, as my GPs would just never call me. Maybe it is like someone else said, that they don't want to inconvenience so they just don't call. FWIW, DH has this identical relationship
with his GPs -- and we probably see them even less -- but it doesn't seem to phase anyone. So that's another reason I was put off by the guilt trip; I don't see it as an odd relationship
As to CakeEater's comment about putting myself in their shoes by envisioning DS not visiting, that's actually exactly what I meant. I hope DS travels farther from home than we did. There's so much more of the world to see.