Author Topic: The FB no-reply  (Read 7956 times)

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Kaymar

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #15 on: May 10, 2014, 09:20:33 PM »
The FB "seen" notice isn't always reliable.  I will have my browser open and FB open in a tab.  I may be away from desk for hours. When I return DH will have sent a message and then a testy message about not responding.  FB says my message was seen even if I haven't read it yet.

Agree.  I have had messages in group threads on FB where it said "everyone has read this message" and I had never seen it before... so I would not assume anything about what FB says about whether a person has seen your message.

Mergatroyd

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #16 on: May 10, 2014, 10:05:28 PM »
Well, after reading all these replies, I think I will give them all the benefit of the doubt and wait a week before deciding I am being ignored. Thank you. I do not often message people so I was a bit bewildered that none of the people messaged back. Some of these people are people I have spoken to recently, others I have not heard from in a while and was concerned about. I would have been quite happy with a smilie or a doing fine thanks message in reply, my messages did not require a vast in detail answer. Thanks for the food for thought!

JenJay

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #17 on: May 10, 2014, 10:21:17 PM »
I have sent follow up messages before just asking if they've seen my message yet. Sometimes people check FB so often, they see a message, make a note to respond and then move on to something else and forget.

FB is very casual communication. Maybe a phone call would get a faster response for you.

I'm guilty of that. I'll see that I have a message somewhere (Facebook PM, text, email, etc.) and think "I should check that real quick" even if I can't respond just then. Sometimes I forget to respond for several hours, maybe even a day or two as the message gets pushed down by new ones.  :-\

CakeEater

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #18 on: May 11, 2014, 01:20:27 AM »
Well, after reading all these replies, I think I will give them all the benefit of the doubt and wait a week before deciding I am being ignored. Thank you. I do not often message people so I was a bit bewildered that none of the people messaged back. Some of these people are people I have spoken to recently, others I have not heard from in a while and was concerned about. I would have been quite happy with a smilie or a doing fine thanks message in reply, my messages did not require a vast in detail answer. Thanks for the food for thought!

I'll tell you what happens with me sometimes. I get a message from you who I haven't spoken to in quite a while, and while your message doesn't *require* a long response, I feel like I should give a long response, because, you know, it's been a while. But I don't have the message writing energy/time/whatever to write a long response, and so I put it off, and the longer I leave it, the worse I feel about not writing the message, and so the longer I put it off again.

I have issues, obviously.  ::) :)

aussie_chick

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #19 on: May 11, 2014, 05:10:48 AM »
I am only at a computer Monday through Friday, but that's at work. So I would wait until Monday at least!

I agree with this and also previous posts about people finding it easier to reply to a message on a computer.

I will reply to short messages on my phone, but if someone sent me a lovely facebook message saying they were thinking of me and asking how I was, I would probably wait until I had the time to think clearly, give the response the time and consideration it deserved, and then reply from a computer.

And sometimes, people read the messages in a hurry on their phone and then forget about them.

They will either remember them eventually and get back to you Op or they won't but I don't think there's anything you can say.

CityGirlInCowboyBoots

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #20 on: May 11, 2014, 10:08:23 AM »
I've also had it happen at times that I typed and hit the send button on a reply and only find out a couple of days later that it didn't go through after all. I actually had that happen within the last couple of weeks even.

Lula

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #21 on: May 11, 2014, 05:48:12 PM »
Well, after reading all these replies, I think I will give them all the benefit of the doubt and wait a week before deciding I am being ignored. Thank you. I do not often message people so I was a bit bewildered that none of the people messaged back. Some of these people are people I have spoken to recently, others I have not heard from in a while and was concerned about. I would have been quite happy with a smilie or a doing fine thanks message in reply, my messages did not require a vast in detail answer. Thanks for the food for thought!

I'll tell you what happens with me sometimes. I get a message from you who I haven't spoken to in quite a while, and while your message doesn't *require* a long response, I feel like I should give a long response, because, you know, it's been a while. But I don't have the message writing energy/time/whatever to write a long response, and so I put it off, and the longer I leave it, the worse I feel about not writing the message, and so the longer I put it off again.

I have issues, obviously.  ::) :)

I have the same issues.  I also have horrible social anxiety, and I'm afraid the conversation will lead to the dreaded "want to get together sometime and catch up?" or the even-more-dreaded "what are you doing this weekend?"  Multiply the dread by 100 if the sender is a single male.

F_L_O

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #22 on: May 12, 2014, 12:41:44 PM »
Ugh! I hate to get "called out" that "I know you've seen this". My step-son did this to me the other day, when he messaged me a question. Yes, I'd seen it and hadn't replied, but it was because it was the exact same message he'd sent me two days ago (same word misspelled and all!) so I didn't reply because I assumed FB somehow re-sent it by mistake.

bah12

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #23 on: May 12, 2014, 01:03:39 PM »
This is the problem with read-receipts...i.e. FB telling you that someone has read your message.

You wrote a message and that's very kind, but to put some sort of time clock on your friends to respond, I think, is expecting too much.  Like others have said, if I read the message on my phone (which is pretty much most of the time), I might not respond right away...and I get busy with general life stuff and sometimes I just forget.  Having someone on the other end saying "It's been three days and she hasn't responded, how rude!" just irritates me more. 

I also don't think that every message warrants a response, or even an acknowledgement.  If I'm asked a specific question, that I can quickly answer like "Did you get the promotion?"..."yes! Thanks for asking!" that's one thing, but if I get a general. "Thinking of you, how are you doing?" I might have to wait until I have time to chat or can give the answer that is more than just the curt "Fine, thanks."   Some messages, I just don't respond to.  Not because I don't like the person, but because the message doesn't warrant a response (a joke, an update on their life, etc.)

TootsNYC

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #24 on: May 12, 2014, 01:04:44 PM »
Sometimes I read the messages on my phone but as I hate typing out long responses on my phone I leave the replies until I'm able to use my laptop. Unfortunately I then sometimes forget to reply.... So it's not a case of my not wanting to respond/keep in touch it's a case of being forgetful. This may have happened with some of the messages in the OP.

 I've also had a few cases where I've received emails/texts/fb messages and started to mentally compose a reply for when I do have time to respond, then think I have actually responded and discovered days or weeks later that it was still literally all in my mind, so I've quickly sent off an apology along with the reply to the initial message. As it was only a few days ago that the messages were sent I wouldn't get too upset just yet.

This was my thought.

Lynn2000

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #25 on: May 12, 2014, 01:18:28 PM »
I admit, I have been in exactly the OP's position. Thinking of someone, send them a nice message (sometimes FB, sometimes email), then... nothing. And yeah, it irritates me, and I start to get a little paranoid and wonder maybe they really don't like me that much, or did I say something wrong... But I feel like I have to let it go, or else I would be poisoned with irritation and anxiety, you know? With one message there are a lot of things that could lead it astray or make it look like it's been read when it hasn't, or the person could just be busy without trying to send me any particular negative message.

I would give it a week. Then, I might send the person another message, perhaps through another medium (email instead of FB, for example). I wouldn't ask if they saw my first message, but I might reference it like, "The project I mentioned working on last week is finally finished! It was stressful but ultimately came out well..." I would give them another update on me, and maybe ask more specific questions about them--like if in the first message I said, "How's the family?" maybe this time I would say, "So how's Bob doing? Has he settled into his 'new' job? How is Susie doing in college--what's her major again?"

If they never saw the first message, they might realize they missed something and go looking for it. If they saw the first message but just hadn't gotten around to replying, they will probably do so now, realizing you are truly interested. If they saw the first message and are deliberately ignoring it, they will either continue to ignore the new message, or might send a perfunctory reply. After two messages being unanswered (especially if I used two different media) I probably wouldn't try again for a while, and might start to reassess the friendship in my mind (if this is the only contact we have).
~Lynn2000

TootsNYC

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #26 on: May 12, 2014, 01:23:34 PM »
Well, after reading all these replies, I think I will give them all the benefit of the doubt and wait a week before deciding I am being ignored. Thank you. I do not often message people so I was a bit bewildered that none of the people messaged back. Some of these people are people I have spoken to recently, others I have not heard from in a while and was concerned about. I would have been quite happy with a smilie or a doing fine thanks message in reply, my messages did not require a vast in detail answer. Thanks for the food for thought!

I'll tell you what happens with me sometimes. I get a message from you who I haven't spoken to in quite a while, and while your message doesn't *require* a long response, I feel like I should give a long response, because, you know, it's been a while. But I don't have the message writing energy/time/whatever to write a long response, and so I put it off, and the longer I leave it, the worse I feel about not writing the message, and so the longer I put it off again.

I have issues, obviously.  ::) :)

I have those same issues.

Mergatroyd

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #27 on: May 12, 2014, 02:07:56 PM »
I admit, I have been in exactly the OP's position. Thinking of someone, send them a nice message (sometimes FB, sometimes email), then... nothing. And yeah, it irritates me, and I start to get a little paranoid and wonder maybe they really don't like me that much, or did I say something wrong... But I feel like I have to let it go, or else I would be poisoned with irritation and anxiety, you know? With one message there are a lot of things that could lead it astray or make it look like it's been read when it hasn't, or the person could just be busy without trying to send me any particular negative message.

I would give it a week. Then, I might send the person another message, perhaps through another medium (email instead of FB, for example). I wouldn't ask if they saw my first message, but I might reference it like, "The project I mentioned working on last week is finally finished! It was stressful but ultimately came out well..." I would give them another update on me, and maybe ask more specific questions about them--like if in the first message I said, "How's the family?" maybe this time I would say, "So how's Bob doing? Has he settled into his 'new' job? How is Susie doing in college--what's her major again?"

If they never saw the first message, they might realize they missed something and go looking for it. If they saw the first message but just hadn't gotten around to replying, they will probably do so now, realizing you are truly interested. If they saw the first message and are deliberately ignoring it, they will either continue to ignore the new message, or might send a perfunctory reply. After two messages being unanswered (especially if I used two different media) I probably wouldn't try again for a while, and might start to reassess the friendship in my mind (if this is the only contact we have).

This is good advice, thank you.

paintpots

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #28 on: May 13, 2014, 06:31:39 AM »
Sometimes I read the messages on my phone but as I hate typing out long responses on my phone I leave the replies until I'm able to use my laptop. Unfortunately I then sometimes forget to reply.... So it's not a case of my not wanting to respond/keep in touch it's a case of being forgetful. This may have happened with some of the messages in the OP.

 I've also had a few cases where I've received emails/texts/fb messages and started to mentally compose a reply for when I do have time to respond, then think I have actually responded and discovered days or weeks later that it was still literally all in my mind, so I've quickly sent off an apology along with the reply to the initial message. As it was only a few days ago that the messages were sent I wouldn't get too upset just yet.


This was my thought.
Very glad this isn't just me. Receiving emails on my phone can have its uses but it's not great at responding - particularly if I check it in the evenings/weekends! Have started using the flag function just to remind myself I need to respond.

Personally I hate the Fbook 'seen by' function, and I think it's kind of rude of Fbook to impose it. I also never accept 'read receipts' that I get with emails, as it seems a bit overbearing and nosy.
« Last Edit: May 13, 2014, 06:33:37 AM by paintpots »

nayberry

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #29 on: May 13, 2014, 11:19:21 AM »
I've also had it happen at times that I typed and hit the send button on a reply and only find out a couple of days later that it didn't go through after all. I actually had that happen within the last couple of weeks even.

my bff and i have this exact issue,  we chat a lot thro fb pm's and at least once a day one or more messages don't got through.