Author Topic: The FB no-reply  (Read 8377 times)

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MariaE

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #45 on: May 16, 2014, 01:19:30 AM »
One reply, and I talked to one other via a different method. I'm deciding on unfriending the others at the moment.

I assume you have other reasons for doing so than just a missed message? Otherwise that seems more than a little over the top. As PPs mentioned, they might not even have seen the message due to a FB glitch.
 
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bah12

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #46 on: May 16, 2014, 11:31:01 AM »
One reply, and I talked to one other via a different method. I'm deciding on unfriending the others at the moment.

I think if this is the route that you really want to go, then go for it.  You are entitled to feel any way you want and walk away from friendships (even online ones) if they don't meet your expectations.

If you feel that messages warrant attention and responses within certain timeframes and you have frineds that don't meet those standards, then I agree you aren't good matches.  However, I guess I'm also hoping that unfriending isn't just a response to not responding to a PM. Because I think that if your standards on communication and timeliness of communication are too high, you will continue to be disappointed by your friends.  It's good to realize that people get busy and just forget, or don't have the time to respond to every message. It's not necessarily a reflection of how they feel about you, but a reflection of how they balance and prioritize their life obligations with FB messaging. 

I would personally probably be ok if someone unfriended me on FB because I didn't respond to a PM.  For me, even if I like and respect the person that sent it, FB PM is not my preferred method of communicating and I don't hold it in high priority with the other things I have to do.  I'm more likely to respond to a text or a phone call and if I had a friend that couldn't understand that about me, or made it too personal, then I would understand their desire to walk away.

pierrotlunaire0

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #47 on: May 16, 2014, 11:48:34 AM »
I regard FB personal messages as the most casual of communications.  If I felt that my reply would be at best an acknowledgement of having received it, I might not reply at all.

The problem is that with snail mail, phone calls, and even some emails, you have no way of knowing if the person received the message or is ignoring you, and I love that polite fiction.  I am an extreme introvert and somedays I just don't have the psychic energy to respond.  Maybe tomorrow, after a good night's sleep, I'll be able to reply.  But like others have said, if you defriend over something like this, I would probably (and privately) heave a small sigh of relief.
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TootsNYC

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #48 on: May 16, 2014, 12:02:50 PM »
I am more annoyed than hurt, but I'd like to make it known somehow that it isn't ok with me.

Yeah, I'd be happy that you were unfriending me on Facebook if this is your reaction to this situation.

No sense having this sort of difference in standards messing up any real-life friendship we have.

And if you were to react this way in real life, it would probably be best to unfriend me there as well.


Lynn2000

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #49 on: May 16, 2014, 02:57:59 PM »
One reply, and I talked to one other via a different method. I'm deciding on unfriending the others at the moment.

I think if this is the route that you really want to go, then go for it.  You are entitled to feel any way you want and walk away from friendships (even online ones) if they don't meet your expectations.

If you feel that messages warrant attention and responses within certain timeframes and you have frineds that don't meet those standards, then I agree you aren't good matches.  However, I guess I'm also hoping that unfriending isn't just a response to not responding to a PM. Because I think that if your standards on communication and timeliness of communication are too high, you will continue to be disappointed by your friends.  It's good to realize that people get busy and just forget, or don't have the time to respond to every message. It's not necessarily a reflection of how they feel about you, but a reflection of how they balance and prioritize their life obligations with FB messaging. 

I would personally probably be ok if someone unfriended me on FB because I didn't respond to a PM.  For me, even if I like and respect the person that sent it, FB PM is not my preferred method of communicating and I don't hold it in high priority with the other things I have to do.  I'm more likely to respond to a text or a phone call and if I had a friend that couldn't understand that about me, or made it too personal, then I would understand their desire to walk away.

POD to this. You have to set your own standards that you feel comfortable with. But, just realize that for many people this standard would be unrealistically high, especially with the high probability for a single message going astray. If you are cool with that, then go for it.

I think it would probably be fruitless to try and express your frustration to the person, though. It may be that your standards are so different they either won't get why you're upset, or won't agree with it, so I don't think there's much to be gained from it. Just realize that you're incompatible and quietly draw away from them, is my advice.

If you wanted to remain friends, it would probably be good to talk about your standards with them--I wouldn't take the tone that they'd done anything wrong, just that they are perhaps unaware of what you expect. I would do this in person or on the phone, that is, a medium where you know they're present right then, so there won't be any further chance of accidental miscommunication. And then the discussion can proceed from there.
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Eden

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #50 on: May 16, 2014, 04:54:55 PM »
OP what was the content of your PMs? Was it conversational, asking questions? Or was it simply, "Hey there, OldFriend, just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you since we haven't talked for awhile." If it's the latter, I'm  not surprised you have not heard back. Particularly on Facebook messaging I would find it kind of overly burdensome to think of a response to that. I suppose you could respond with a "thanks for thinking of me" but that response seems fairly thin. I guess my point is that if you didn't try to draw a conversation out of them, I can understand the lack of response. You may have, it's hard to tell from your original post.

Mergatroyd

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #51 on: May 16, 2014, 05:30:12 PM »
The one friend that I am seriously considering unfriending is someone that I've only known about a year- we met because she needed a ride for her son to scouts, and I lived near her (and also had two boys in scouts.) We moved away from that town about six months ago though, and while most of the people on FB are people I haven't seen in a while, I also don't have any problems unfriending any of them, because if they need me they do have my phone number and they know I will support them. That being said, I don't particularly need them clogging up my feed if they don't feel like actually engaging with me once in a while. The message I sent this one, included a voice message from myson to her son. He's sad that his friend hasn't replied (and boy says Hi too! Would be enough for him.) So yeah, I'm thinking about unfriending her (on fb, not in real life... I rarely drop friends in rl)

TurtleDove

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #52 on: May 18, 2014, 01:47:55 AM »
To me, I don't see the point in unfriending anyone here. What are you trying to accomplish, if you are going to act friendly in real life? There could be any number of reasons for a delay in getting back to you. If you want to cut off contact, that is your choice, but I don't think it sends the message you are trying to send?

Mergatroyd

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #53 on: May 18, 2014, 11:05:24 AM »
It's not about sending a message, it's about me not feeling sad and/or angry everytime they pop up in my feed. I don't live in the same town as any of them, having moved, so I would rather remember them as I last saw them (the old fashioned way, before FB) and not worry about it. *shrug*

Lynn2000

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #54 on: May 19, 2014, 11:07:08 AM »
This might fall under "different people use Facebook differently." For example, one could be good friends with someone in real life, but find that they clog one's Facebook feed with cutesy or controversial reposts. Hiding, blocking, and unfriending are all options to use with Facebook specifically, without necessarily having anything to do with one's real life relationship to the person.

I know some people who won't friend someone on Facebook unless they are, in fact, pretty good real-life friends. In contrast a lot of my Facebook friends are people I went to high school with and haven't seen since then, don't particularly want to see, don't really keep in contact with otherwise. I like seeing what they're up to without the commitment of actually communicating with them (beyond the initial friend request). Sometimes I don't even "like" posts because I don't want them to notice me. Of course if they sent me a polite message I wouldn't ignore it purposefully, but I like to keep that possibility remote.
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aloe

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #55 on: May 19, 2014, 06:38:15 PM »
I'll use two examples of how an un-replied-to FB private message affected my friendship.  Let me know if my reaction is extreme!  ;)  I chose this path because my feelings were really hurt.

1.  I worked somewhere for 14 years and recently left the job. It was volunteer work.

There were two paid workers there whom I liked very much, one especially - named "Marie."  The other was "Ellen."

They were both FB Friends.  I wrote a very short PM to each about how the person was one of my favorite people there, how I enjoyed working with them and thanks.

"Marie" wrote back with a wonderful short message. 

"Ellen" appeared to have read it, and never wrote back, not even a "thank you."

I gave them plenty of  time to respond.

Marie is still my FB Friend, Ellen is not - I deFriended Ellen.

2.  "Jamie" used to be client of mine.  She bought several handcrafted items from me.  She told me she loved them.  I took a beautiful photo of a thing I made that she had bought and sent it to her through FB private message.  It was something she wore that she told me she loved. She had acted rude and hurried when she had last bought an item from me.  She sent no reply to my private message.  I later put her in a User group where she can't see my Wall but is not deFriended.

Maybe I expect too much? I reply to all FB PMs unless they are spam.

shhh its me

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #56 on: May 19, 2014, 06:45:37 PM »
I'll use two examples of how an un-replied-to FB private message affected my friendship.  Let me know if my reaction is extreme!  ;)  I chose this path because my feelings were really hurt.

1.  I worked somewhere for 14 years and recently left the job. It was volunteer work.

There were two paid workers there whom I liked very much, one especially - named "Marie."  The other was "Ellen."

They were both FB Friends.  I wrote a very short PM to each about how the person was one of my favorite people there, how I enjoyed working with them and thanks.

"Marie" wrote back with a wonderful short message. 

"Ellen" appeared to have read it, and never wrote back, not even a "thank you."

I gave them plenty of  time to respond.

Marie is still my FB Friend, Ellen is not - I deFriended Ellen.

2.  "Jamie" used to be client of mine.  She bought several handcrafted items from me.  She told me she loved them.  I took a beautiful photo of a thing I made that she had bought and sent it to her through FB private message.  It was something she wore that she told me she loved. She had acted rude and hurried when she had last bought an item from me.  She sent no reply to my private message.  I later put her in a User group where she can't see my Wall but is not deFriended.

Maybe I expect too much? I reply to all FB PMs unless they are spam.

I think your expectations are a little high (in the first case)

I think of FB PMs of like Post it notes, they're awesome but also  really really easy to get lost in the shuffle. 

TheaterDiva1

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #57 on: May 19, 2014, 06:53:11 PM »
It's not about sending a message, it's about me not feeling sad and/or angry everytime they pop up in my feed. I don't live in the same town as any of them, having moved, so I would rather remember them as I last saw them (the old fashioned way, before FB) and not worry about it. *shrug*

Why not just hide their feed then, instead of unfriending?

Mergatroyd

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #58 on: May 19, 2014, 07:02:29 PM »
It's not about sending a message, it's about me not feeling sad and/or angry everytime they pop up in my feed. I don't live in the same town as any of them, having moved, so I would rather remember them as I last saw them (the old fashioned way, before FB) and not worry about it. *shrug*

Why not just hide their feed then, instead of unfriending?

That's what I've done while I decide. Honestly, I just don't even care if I even have fb at the moment, so if I'm ready to delete everybody, what's one early deletion? I have already reduced down to less than fifty 'friends', weeding more out would be easy enough.

aloe

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #59 on: May 19, 2014, 07:21:40 PM »
Thanks, shhh its me.