Author Topic: The FB no-reply  (Read 8352 times)

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shhh its me

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #60 on: May 19, 2014, 08:07:46 PM »
Thanks, shhh its me.

I think its FB fault  , the "read receipts" are just too unreliable. The over-reaction is not being deeply hurt and offend that a special message was ignored its relying on FB to accurately inform you that it was read.

aloe

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #61 on: May 19, 2014, 09:43:17 PM »
That rings true.  I never liked the idea of showing something as "Read."  Same with showing who saw posts in FB groups.  I think it's better to leave those things a mystery.  ;) 

sammycat

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #62 on: May 19, 2014, 10:00:25 PM »
That rings true.  I never liked the idea of showing something as "Read."  Same with showing who saw posts in FB groups.  I think it's better to leave those things a mystery.  ;)

I agree!

LB

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #63 on: May 21, 2014, 07:35:45 PM »
I'll use two examples of how an un-replied-to FB private message affected my friendship.  Let me know if my reaction is extreme!  ;)  I chose this path because my feelings were really hurt.

1.  I worked somewhere for 14 years and recently left the job. It was volunteer work.

There were two paid workers there whom I liked very much, one especially - named "Marie."  The other was "Ellen."

They were both FB Friends.  I wrote a very short PM to each about how the person was one of my favorite people there, how I enjoyed working with them and thanks.

"Marie" wrote back with a wonderful short message. 

"Ellen" appeared to have read it, and never wrote back, not even a "thank you."

I gave them plenty of  time to respond.

Marie is still my FB Friend, Ellen is not - I deFriended Ellen.

2.  "Jamie" used to be client of mine.  She bought several handcrafted items from me.  She told me she loved them.  I took a beautiful photo of a thing I made that she had bought and sent it to her through FB private message.  It was something she wore that she told me she loved. She had acted rude and hurried when she had last bought an item from me.  She sent no reply to my private message.  I later put her in a User group where she can't see my Wall but is not deFriended.

Maybe I expect too much? I reply to all FB PMs unless they are spam.

I think your expectations are a little high (in the first case)

I think of FB PMs of like Post it notes, they're awesome but also  really really easy to get lost in the shuffle.

I agree. Consider the fact that in person, Ellen was someone you were friends with and enjoyed working with and who was one of your "favorite people." All of that is undone by one offense of not responding to a message? Sure, if she's seen it and didn't respond, it's a bit rude. It could also be that she hasn't seen it, or that she meant to respond and forgot. I think that is a bit harsh.

dirtyweasel

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #64 on: May 21, 2014, 09:29:55 PM »
That rings true.  I never liked the idea of showing something as "Read."  Same with showing who saw posts in FB groups.  I think it's better to leave those things a mystery.  ;)

I agree!

I couldn't agree more.  I just got chewed out by my brother last week for not answering his Facebook messages.  Facebook had apparently put that I had read the messages, but the thing is I never even saw them!  I have to say that I really hate communicating by Facebook and would rather receive a text message.   



TootsNYC

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #65 on: May 21, 2014, 10:18:02 PM »


I agree. Consider the fact that in person, Ellen was someone you were friends with and enjoyed working with and who was one of your "favorite people." All of that is undone by one offense of not responding to a message? Sure, if she's seen it and didn't respond, it's a bit rude. It could also be that she hasn't seen it, or that she meant to respond and forgot. I think that is a bit harsh.

also, when she remembers and goes back to Facebook to answer you, she won't be able to reply. Will she?

TheaterDiva1

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #66 on: May 22, 2014, 12:15:05 AM »


I agree. Consider the fact that in person, Ellen was someone you were friends with and enjoyed working with and who was one of your "favorite people." All of that is undone by one offense of not responding to a message? Sure, if she's seen it and didn't respond, it's a bit rude. It could also be that she hasn't seen it, or that she meant to respond and forgot. I think that is a bit harsh.

also, when she remembers and goes back to Facebook to answer you, she won't be able to reply. Will she?

I know you can message non-friends, so I'd say yes, she can reply... But since they're no longer Facebook friends, it will probably go to the "other" folder instead of the main inbox, so Aloe may not see it unless she thinks to check that "other" folder.

I just realized as I was typing - maybe that's what happened with OP?

aloe

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #67 on: May 22, 2014, 01:31:45 PM »
Thanks for your replies.  I checked the FB "Other" message folder and no message was there.  (I don't like that message dividing system, either).  Yes, it was harsh what I did, but somehow it felt right at the time and still does, though it may have been a mistake. I don't know if you do the same, but when that new message icon highlights in red at the top of my FB, I find it very noticeable and always click and read.  But, I don't receive or send many FB private messages - 10 or less a year.
« Last Edit: May 22, 2014, 01:33:36 PM by aloe »

aloe

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #68 on: May 22, 2014, 01:41:00 PM »
There is also more to the story than meets the eye that I had left out.  I had begun to distrust her; I suspected she was on a committee that terminated a wonderful project that I and others had worked on for several years. Currently that agency is in some upheaval, and several long-term volunteers recently quit due to some odd shenanigans including this.  I didn't feel comfortable having her on my FB anymore because of that, and the unanswered message confirmed my feelings (though your comments about her being possibly not at fault about the no-reply definitely have merit).

Mergatroyd

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #69 on: May 22, 2014, 05:13:14 PM »
My other box is empty.

StarFaerie

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #70 on: May 26, 2014, 05:10:06 AM »
Facebook loses on average 2-3 messages a month on me. They just disappear. People send them but they never arrive. And yes, they appear as read to the other person. If a "friend" unfriended me because they sent a message, I didn't respond and then they just assumed I wasn't interested and didn't send a follow up, well they really weren't a friend and I'd prefer they unfriended me in real life too.

LB

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #71 on: May 26, 2014, 08:50:48 AM »
Occasionally the same thing will happen to me or DH with friend requests. DH just had someone approach him the other day at a racing event. The guy said to DH "I guess you really hate me, huh?" DH was confused but told him of course not and asked him why he would say that. He told DH "Because I sent you a friend request on Facebook like six days ago." DH had not seen the request.

The number of emails, text messages and Facebook messages I have sent that haven't made it to the recipient has definitely taught me that unless I hear back from the person, I can't be sure they've heard from me.

DanaJ

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #72 on: May 26, 2014, 05:12:59 PM »
Best late FB post was when my co-worker sent me a friend request to see some travel photos I'd posted... and I didn't see the request for 8 months! She had quickly forgotten about even sending the request and hadn't taken it personally. We had a good laugh about it.

I suspect some messages marked "read" when a device is logged into FB in such a way that the message is displayed and not through any action by the FB user. Particularly since the message function and chat functions seem to sometimes be merged. If you send me a PM and it pops open a chat window, I won't see it, but it will probably tell you I did because the pop-up window had popped.

Belle

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #73 on: May 26, 2014, 07:53:55 PM »
This is timely - my husband sent a FB message yesterday to me and two friends. More than 24 hours later, and it still hasn't arrived in my inbox (although both friends received it). A separate message that he sent to me a few hours later did arrive.

Thankfully, it was my DH sending me the message, so I knew about it and could tell him it never showed up. Had a friend sent me the message, I would have had no idea. Apparently FB messages do sometimes go <poof> into thin air.

Mergatroyd

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #74 on: May 27, 2014, 02:54:47 PM »
Well, I'm a bit surprised by all the people who would apparently blank someone in RL because they got unfriended on FB, because of all the people who recommend unfriending in every case of disagreement or offence,  but to each their own. I've deactivated mine, so I guess they'll all hate me now. Frankly it's for the best, looks like I need to find some friends that don't consider 'liking' a status now and then as an acceptable way to keep a friendship going. The ones that stick around will be cherished all the more.

Thanks for all the points of view, I have to say I've definitely learned a few things!