Author Topic: The FB no-reply  (Read 8751 times)

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Mergatroyd

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The FB no-reply
« on: May 10, 2014, 07:22:20 PM »
On thursday I sent out several (5+) private messages on facebook to people I was thinking of, and hadn't spoken to in a while. FB tells me that they viewed the messages, yet not a single one has replied, commented, or otherwise acknowledged they received the messages.

Is there any way to bring this up beyond a passive agressive "Gee does nobody know how to respond to a private message anymore?" status post? I am more annoyed than hurt, but I'd like to make it known somehow that it isn't ok with me.
Advice?

TeamBhakta

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #1 on: May 10, 2014, 07:26:50 PM »
It would be rude of you to "make it known somehow that it isn't ok with me." Not to be hurtful, but maybe they no longer want to keep contact with you. Pushing those old friends may result in them blocking you or begrudingly adding you to their friends list, but setting their pages so you really can't see or contribute anything.

Mergatroyd

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #2 on: May 10, 2014, 07:33:15 PM »
Oh, I should clarify- they ARE on my friends list and have been for years. They were not friend requests.

TeamBhakta

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #3 on: May 10, 2014, 07:39:18 PM »
Since you're currently on their friends list, then maybe they like you enough to keep you on the list but not enough to chat. Just like I keep a certain relative on my friend list out of politeness, but I really don't want to engage with her

LB

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #4 on: May 10, 2014, 07:45:46 PM »
I have sent follow up messages before just asking if they've seen my message yet. Sometimes people check FB so often, they see a message, make a note to respond and then move on to something else and forget.

FB is very casual communication. Maybe a phone call would get a faster response for you.

TurtleDove

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #5 on: May 10, 2014, 07:46:05 PM »
I am on Facebook pretty frequently, but often on my phone. If I have something to respond to that will take some time and effort, I might wait until I am at a computer. Same for this site! Yes, one can respond from their phone (as I am doing now) but sometimes it is preferable to wait until one has a computer and keyboard.

sammycat

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #6 on: May 10, 2014, 07:51:47 PM »
Sometimes I read the messages on my phone but as I hate typing out long responses on my phone I leave the replies until I'm able to use my laptop. Unfortunately I then sometimes forget to reply.... So it's not a case of my not wanting to respond/keep in touch it's a case of being forgetful. This may have happened with some of the messages in the OP.

 I've also had a few cases where I've received emails/texts/fb messages and started to mentally compose a reply for when I do have time to respond, then think I have actually responded and discovered days or weeks later that it was still literally all in my mind, so I've quickly sent off an apology along with the reply to the initial message. As it was only a few days ago that the messages were sent I wouldn't get too upset just yet.

Mergatroyd

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #7 on: May 10, 2014, 07:58:42 PM »
Since you're currently on their friends list, then maybe they like you enough to keep you on the list but not enough to chat. Just like I keep a certain relative on my friend list out of politeness, but I really don't want to engage with her

That makes me sad. I've always been very picky about who I add to my fb account, if they don't wish to engage with me then I would rather they not be on there.
I have sent follow up messages before just asking if they've seen my message yet. Sometimes people check FB so often, they see a message, make a note to respond and then move on to something else and forget.

FB is very casual communication. Maybe a phone call would get a faster response for you.
If I didn't have to call long distance/international, then yes it would be easier/faster.
I am on Facebook pretty frequently, but often on my phone. If I have something to respond to that will take some time and effort, I might wait until I am at a computer. Same for this site! Yes, one can respond from their phone (as I am doing now) but sometimes it is preferable to wait until one has a computer and keyboard.

How long would it take though? I understand people are busy, which is why I waited till Saturday evening before getting annoyed.

Sometimes I read the messages on my phone but as I hate typing out long responses on my phone I leave the replies until I'm able to use my laptop. Unfortunately I then sometimes forget to reply.... So it's not a case of my not wanting to respond/keep in touch it's a case of being forgetful. This may have happened with some of the messages in the OP.

 I've also had a few cases where I've received emails/texts/fb messages and started to mentally compose a reply for when I do have time to respond, then think I have actually responded and discovered days or weeks later that it was still literally all in my mind, so I've quickly sent off an apology along with the reply to the initial message. As it was only a few days ago that the messages were sent I wouldn't get too upset just yet.

Thank you

TurtleDove

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #8 on: May 10, 2014, 08:02:02 PM »
I am only at a computer Monday through Friday, but that's at work. So I would wait until Monday at least!

Ceallach

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #9 on: May 10, 2014, 08:06:39 PM »
I am on Facebook pretty frequently, but often on my phone. If I have something to respond to that will take some time and effort, I might wait until I am at a computer. Same for this site! Yes, one can respond from their phone (as I am doing now) but sometimes it is preferable to wait until one has a computer and keyboard.

Ditto!   For both Facebook and here.

Which means there have been times I've taken awhile to reply to a message or email because I forget once I get to the PC.   It's not personal, and if one of my friends got snippy about it I would see that as a reflection of their own insecurities not anything I had done.  (Unless there was an urgent question or similar in the request that required an immediate response).
"Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something"


shhh its me

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #10 on: May 10, 2014, 08:23:37 PM »
  No vaguebooking!  *posting a vague complaint  on Facebook ie I hate it when people agree to met you at 5 and show up at 6.*

I might try again, I may call , I may decide the friendship has faded.

I know its not fun and annoying to feel ignored but I don't think its actually rude to not reply to a message. It can be inconsiderate and hurtful.  Communication has become instantaneous ,24/7, inexpensive/free, anytime you have the whim and the world isn't obligated to be available for our whims. *general our*  I think while it may have been rude at one point to not reply to a letter the new nature of how and when we "write" to each other  has changed the rules.
 http://books.google.com/books?id=oQ0RAAAAQBAJ&pg=PA77&lpg=PA77&dq=miss+manners+,+replying+to+letters+,+messages&source=bl&ots=-K4B-gUdgK&sig=_F_Zt-BxaHAS032Bcfh2oQ-dKSU&hl=en&sa=X&ei=37puU7zxEJCayATwrYD4Ag&ved=0CFYQ6AEwBw#v=onepage&q=miss%20manners%20%2C%20replying%20to%20letters%20%2C%20messages&f=false

 Keeping up correspondence has to be considered in "total relationship" context , do they often not call/message back? Do you socialize in other ways?  Was it a "Hey , whats up?"  or " I really need to talk about  X "message?  Would you still be upset with the one who didn't  if 4/5 replied? With only "A message was not answered" it hard to say....Maybe you message too much , maybe you're friends are "phone people" , maybe the message didn't seem to need a reply , maybe they all had a bad day at the same time, maybe your Facebook messed up, maybe you're not that close of friends.   

After you consider your relationship and how important this one thing was to you, if you're still hurt I think you can express your feelings privately


sparksals

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #11 on: May 10, 2014, 08:32:27 PM »
Unless I can give a quick reply, I wait until I'm on my computer to respond to messages.  It is just easier to type from my laptop or desktop.  I wouldn't take it personally.  People are busy and they will respond when they get a chance. 


I was out of town last weekend and didn't get a chance to respond to messages until Wednesday.   I don't think the average person expects a fast response or an immediate one either.




veronaz

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #12 on: May 10, 2014, 08:47:05 PM »
First of all, Thursday wasnít all that long ago.  Two days.

Secondly, people donít always reply to messages.  They just donít.  For whatever reasons or for no reason.  FB is not as important to some people as it is to others.  Maybe sending FB messages to five people and waiting for them to reply then getting annoyed when they donít reply as quickly as youíd like is a bit much.

You asked for advice.  I think you need to let it go.

Library Dragon

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #13 on: May 10, 2014, 08:48:41 PM »
The FB "seen" notice isn't always reliable.  I will have my browser open and FB open in a tab.  I may be away from desk for hours. When I return DH will have sent a message and then a testy message about not responding.  FB says my message was seen even if I haven't read it yet.

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Surianne

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Re: The FB no-reply
« Reply #14 on: May 10, 2014, 09:17:44 PM »
Do you mean Thursday, May 8th?  That was 2 days ago so I'm not sure what the problem is -- Facebook is a very informal way of communicating so if it's urgent, I think phoning or emailing would be a better choice.