Author Topic: MIL on Mother's Day  (Read 7627 times)

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mrsbrandt

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MIL on Mother's Day
« on: May 12, 2014, 12:28:41 AM »
DH is out of the country on a business trip for about a week and of course he's out of the country on Mother's Day. Before he left the country I made sure we sent MIL and my mom flowers. They were delivered before Mother's Day and included a cute note. We also made plans with MIL to see her next weekend, when DH is back in the country.

DH and I have two children of our own. Today, I had to work. I hired a babysitter to take care of the kids for 7 hours while I was at work. However, I made a point this morning to call MIL and leave her a voicemail wishing her a happy Mother's Day.

MIL texted DH this morning (pre-voicemail, post gift delivery, post plans being made for an alternate Mother's Day). And DH responded and paid the international rate for sending text messages.

MIL: Did you forget something?
DH: No, what do you mean?
MIL: Well what day is today?
DH: Check your Facebook messages.

MIL no longer responds to DH. Another aunt (one who never texts DH) texts DH and asks him about what day Mother's Day is being celebrated in the country he is currently in.

So opinions from the group was DH rude? Was there more that he/or I should have done? I personally think Dh should address this situation with MIL. Any advice on addressing this situation?

Added info is that DH is not MIL's only child. I do not know what SIL did for Mother's Day for MIL.

mrsbrandt

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Re: MIL on Mother's Day
« Reply #1 on: May 12, 2014, 12:45:36 AM »
MIL sent me a card and a gift certificate, but no phone call. It was a nice gesture. She also thanked me and not DH for the flowers. (I think she might know that I'm typically the one who does the gifting for her. For her birthday a month ago she publicly poked fun at DH for buying her a gift she didn't like/need.)

TurtleDove

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Re: MIL on Mother's Day
« Reply #2 on: May 12, 2014, 01:05:37 AM »
MIL sent me a card and a gift certificate, but no phone call. It was a nice gesture. She also thanked me and not DH for the flowers. (I think she might know that I'm typically the one who does the gifting for her. For her birthday a month ago she publicly poked fun at DH for buying her a gift she didn't like/need.)

Yeah, I think she's being passive aggressive. If she wants her son to take a more active role in honoring her on her special days, she needs to say that.

POD. Also, her method is not likely to result in positive vibes from her son. She can express being hurt, but it doesn't make her behavior reasonable. DH can decide to cater to her anyway - it is all a matter of relationships - but IMHO MIL is ridiculous.

sammycat

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Re: MIL on Mother's Day
« Reply #3 on: May 12, 2014, 01:40:24 AM »
MIL is being unreasonable. It sounds as though she got more than a lot of mothers' did.  Aunt had no reason to be involved.

For her birthday a month ago she publicly poked fun at DH for buying her a gift she didn't like/need.)

And rude.

purple

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Re: MIL on Mother's Day
« Reply #4 on: May 12, 2014, 01:49:29 AM »
I think the best course of action is to just forget about all this and not respond.  She's probably over it by today anyway and certainly next weekend when you see her, this will be all over.

MariaE

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Re: MIL on Mother's Day
« Reply #5 on: May 12, 2014, 01:53:58 AM »
Your DH went above and beyond and MIL is completely unreasonable and rude. Her actions would make me inclined to forget about Mother's Day altogether next yet.

What did your MIL expect? An international phone call? For him to cancel his trip? Birthdays are often not celebrated on the day itself, why should Mother's Day be any different?

 
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Ceallach

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Re: MIL on Mother's Day
« Reply #6 on: May 12, 2014, 02:15:56 AM »
MIL is incredibly ungrateful and rude.     I'm disgusted quite frankly.   Please reassure your husband that he has done nothing wrong, you are considerate people.  Many mothers are lucky to receive a message, you sent flowers and left a message despite him being away. 

The fact she is stirring trouble with the aunt and dragging her into this doubles her rudeness.   He should ignore them both until she gets over it and starts behaving like a mature adult. 
"Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something"


sammycat

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Re: MIL on Mother's Day
« Reply #7 on: May 12, 2014, 02:25:27 AM »
MIL is incredibly ungrateful and rude.     I'm disgusted quite frankly.   Please reassure your husband that he has done nothing wrong, you are considerate people.  Many mothers are lucky to receive a message, you sent flowers and left a message despite him being away. 

The fact she is stirring trouble with the aunt and dragging her into this doubles her rudeness.   He should ignore them both until she gets over it and starts behaving like a mature adult.

Pod.

aussie_chick

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Re: MIL on Mother's Day
« Reply #8 on: May 12, 2014, 04:28:11 AM »
MIL is incredibly ungrateful and rude.     I'm disgusted quite frankly.   Please reassure your husband that he has done nothing wrong, you are considerate people.  Many mothers are lucky to receive a message, you sent flowers and left a message despite him being away. 

The fact she is stirring trouble with the aunt and dragging her into this doubles her rudeness.   He should ignore them both until she gets over it and starts behaving like a mature adult.

Parking my POD here too.

How old are these people? Why is Aunt involved?
MIL behaviour needs to be ignored until she grows up.
I would also be thinking twice about any gifts in future especially when she considers it appropriate to comment negatively on a gift that was given. Whatever happened to being gracious?

TurtleDove

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Re: MIL on Mother's Day
« Reply #9 on: May 12, 2014, 06:35:52 AM »
Also, who gets gifts aside from projects school aged kids make for Mothers Day? Unless she is lying, my mom most appreciates a hand written letter that is sincere and personal. I cannot imagine what I would get her for Mother's Day aside from maybe dinner out on another day or skydiving with me or some other "let's spend time together experience."

green.and.blue

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Re: MIL on Mother's Day
« Reply #10 on: May 12, 2014, 06:51:21 AM »
.So opinions from the group was DH rude? Was there more that he/or I should have done? I personally think Dh should address this situation with MIL. Any advice on addressing this situation?

DH was not rude, and I think the two of you acknowledged Mother's Day very nicely. Would have done for me! About addressing the situation, though, it seems that what would have worked for me if I were your MIL didn't work for her. Maybe your DH should sit down with her and tell her that: it seemed you weren't happy with how we acknowledged Mother's Day - what were you hoping for and how can we move forward for next year?

lkdrymom

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Re: MIL on Mother's Day
« Reply #11 on: May 12, 2014, 07:06:02 AM »
.So opinions from the group was DH rude? Was there more that he/or I should have done? I personally think Dh should address this situation with MIL. Any advice on addressing this situation?

DH was not rude, and I think the two of you acknowledged Mother's Day very nicely. Would have done for me! About addressing the situation, though, it seems that what would have worked for me if I were your MIL didn't work for her. Maybe your DH should sit down with her and tell her that: it seemed you weren't happy with how we acknowledged Mother's Day - what were you hoping for and how can we move forward for next year?

I think asking her what she wants is going to set the OP up for things they may not be able to do. If it was me and the aunt texted me I would have responded back " I sent flowers and a card and posted a greeting on facebook. Apparently that is not enough. Maybe we should rethink celebrating mother's day' all together".

123sandy

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Re: MIL on Mother's Day
« Reply #12 on: May 12, 2014, 07:08:35 AM »
Why couldn't he call her? Just a quick ring?

TootsNYC

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Re: MIL on Mother's Day
« Reply #13 on: May 12, 2014, 07:44:38 AM »
I think the best course of action is to just forget about all this and not respond.  She's probably over it by today anyway and certainly next weekend when you see her, this will be all over.

Yeah, least said, soonest mended.

So your DH had already sent her a Mother's Day message on Facebook? Is that what his response "check your Facebook messages" means?

If so, she'll get over it, and if it ever comes up again, you guys should just be puzzled: "I sent you a Facebook message. It's just so expensive to call."

Though I will say, I have told my children: I don't really care about a gift or a card. To me those are pretty empty; they're rote gifts. Even a Facebook message is not really all that special.
   What I want for Mother's Day is time with my kids. So when they're young, I want to do something with them.
   When they're grown, I want them to call and talk to me for half an hour--and not a half hour that I have to pry words out of them!

My DD is away at college. I called her about 3:30pm bcs I needed to know for sure if she was going to be home at a specific time. She said, right away, "Happy Mother's Day! I was going to call you later." So, OK, but I realized at the end of the day, it didn't feel as wonderful as it would have if she'd beaten me to the phone call.

So, maybe DH should call her and just talk to her, Mother's Day or not, international rates or no.

Jones

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Re: MIL on Mother's Day
« Reply #14 on: May 12, 2014, 07:52:48 AM »
It sounds like MIL texted him first thing, before he had a chance to call. As he is overseas for work, different timezone and priorities are in affect, some leniency should be given on the whole calling thing; he sent a gift and a message, and they were scheduled to meet for an experience/conversation at a later date. And OP called, but had to leave a voicemail, which means MIL didn't even pick up that call.

Why complain about what she has, and definitely why get Aunt involved? It's going to come back and bite her when no one wants to do anything for her anymore.
« Last Edit: May 12, 2014, 08:05:25 AM by Jones »