Author Topic: Offensive Facebook post  (Read 3326 times)

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Yvaine

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Re: Offensive Facebook post
« Reply #15 on: May 16, 2014, 09:34:42 AM »
You seem to have a desire to respond. People post all kinds of things and we don't know the tone/voice in which they are posting. Something we find offensive in writing might not sound that way in the context of conversation. Here's the thing I'd suggest, ignore it and don't engage.

I used to be one of those people who engaged people with posts I disagreed with. I've learned that it's not worth it. It stirs up anger in people and you never change anyone's view. It's seems extreme and judgmental to tell them that their post "offended" you (unless it was specifically about you!) or to unfriend someone because of their views, especially if they are a real life friend. If it gets that bad, hide them. That way they can still post directly to your wall. You just won't be subjected to their regular wall posts.

I have a few rules for myself. If it's someone I'm really close to (either in person or just online; I have dear friends from both) and they post something offensive, I'll engage. I'll comment something like "Do you really think this?" or "I think this is problematic because." These are close friends with whom there's already a precedent of being able to talk about difficult topics with them. And sometimes it turns out they just mindlessly shared a meme without thinking it through, and sometimes they really do think that and I may end up reevaluating the relationship in light of the offensive belief. And then I decide whether to stay FB friends on a case-by-case basis. If it's a relative and there'll be drama if I defriend, I usually just hide the person's feed.

I also, though, use FB as a casual, low-pressure way to get to know people gradually, so some of my FB "friends" are casual acquaintances I've just met at a party or an Internet group. If they post something horrifying while we're still in that getting-to-know-you stage, they're back off my friends list right away. I wanted to get to know them...now I know something that's a dealbreaker. It might not be a complete dealbreaker if they'd already built up years of affection with me, but if we've just met? Bye.

amylouky

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Re: Offensive Facebook post
« Reply #16 on: May 16, 2014, 11:13:47 AM »
I have a good friend who has radically different views on almost everything than I do. She regularly posts things that I disagree with, and even things that offend me. But she also posts pictures of her son (who I adore) and amusing things. So, I don't hide her feed.
I figure, it's her page. She can post whatever she wants on it. If people choose to read it/believe it, that's on them. Unless it's something that could be dangerous if people believe it, I just ignore. I don't think it's my place to attempt to censor her page just because something on it is personally offensive.

ladyknight1

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Re: Offensive Facebook post
« Reply #17 on: May 16, 2014, 11:18:17 AM »
Hide her feed.  I did this with a friend who constantly posts political stuff that while I may not disagree with it I don't want it appearing on my page.

POD. I have had to do this a few times.

Yvaine

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Re: Offensive Facebook post
« Reply #18 on: May 16, 2014, 11:22:43 AM »
I have a good friend who has radically different views on almost everything than I do. She regularly posts things that I disagree with, and even things that offend me. But she also posts pictures of her son (who I adore) and amusing things. So, I don't hide her feed.
I figure, it's her page. She can post whatever she wants on it. If people choose to read it/believe it, that's on them. Unless it's something that could be dangerous if people believe it, I just ignore. I don't think it's my place to attempt to censor her page just because something on it is personally offensive.

I can "censor" it from myself, though! I don't think anybody's talking about reporting the post to FB or the cops, just deciding that if someone really believes these things, we personally don't want to read them, and also that it's possibly a dealbreaker for the friendship in some circumstances.

z_squared82

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Re: Offensive Facebook post
« Reply #19 on: May 16, 2014, 11:51:47 AM »
If you like some of her posts, you can hide individual posts that bother you. I do it to my friend all the time. I don’t care about his atheist, anarchist rantings, I want to know how the wedding planning is going, and if everything is working out with his fiancee’s immigration status. Sure I have to glance at them to see if they’re something I should block, but a glance doesn’t offer time to offend.

If something is offensive, unless she lives under a rock, she's going to know it's offensive. I don't know that you need to tell her.

amylouky

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Re: Offensive Facebook post
« Reply #20 on: May 16, 2014, 11:55:47 AM »
I have a good friend who has radically different views on almost everything than I do. She regularly posts things that I disagree with, and even things that offend me. But she also posts pictures of her son (who I adore) and amusing things. So, I don't hide her feed.
I figure, it's her page. She can post whatever she wants on it. If people choose to read it/believe it, that's on them. Unless it's something that could be dangerous if people believe it, I just ignore. I don't think it's my place to attempt to censor her page just because something on it is personally offensive.

I can "censor" it from myself, though! I don't think anybody's talking about reporting the post to FB or the cops, just deciding that if someone really believes these things, we personally don't want to read them, and also that it's possibly a dealbreaker for the friendship in some circumstances.

Oh, of course. Sorry, I must have worded that unclearly, I think we're saying the same thing. Definitely, if you don't want to see someone's posts, hide it from your feed. I choose not to with my friend, because I like a lot of her posts including pics of her son.
I didn't mean censoring by reporting to anyone, I meant trying to get HER to censor her page by asking not to post about certain topics. I wouldn't even PM her if there was something offensive, because it's my choice whether to read it or not. If it was misinformation that could be harmful, I'd comment publicly on it with the correct info.

EllenS

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Re: Offensive Facebook post
« Reply #21 on: May 16, 2014, 12:38:20 PM »
I don't think PM'ing a friend about offensive statements is a form of censorship. I think it's the equivalent of telling them "Your fly is unzipped" or "you hurt my feelings."

It's not forcing anyone to change, but it is informing them. Some may not realize that people are taking them seriously. Others may be ignorant of how their behavior affects you and possibly others.

Now, people have the right to not care what you think, and not change to please you. But if the relationship is worth it, and the message is delivered with kindness, I think it can be a very good thing.

bah12

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Re: Offensive Facebook post
« Reply #22 on: May 16, 2014, 01:03:14 PM »
I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt in most cases.  I believe that people are free to post just about anything they want on their wall.  And I believe that if someone posts something for discussion, there's nothing wrong in discussing it honestly.

So, while I have certainly unfriended a person or two for continued offensive (to me) posts, I will try to start with the assumption that they are posting their honest opinion and may not have 1) known that others would take great offense or 2) not understood that their tone came off more harshly or judgemental than they intended.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with PMing a friend and saying "that hurt my feelings and here's why".  Communicating your honest reaction to something, especially if it's negative, is good.  It's not saying "don't post that", it's saying "we're friends, and I don't want this to come between us, so I'm letting you know how it made me feel, because I'm assuming that you didn't intend to make me feel this way."

For me, getting that kind of feedback is gold.  I know that I would never intentionally be offensive to a friend, so them telling me that I am would cause me to be more socially aware of how I was presenting my ideas.  At the same time, if someone that gets this feedback is just going to get defensive and overreact, well, then, you have your answer and can pull back from the friendship if you choose.

As for posting things publically, again, I don't see anything wrong with posting an opinion to a post that is invites discussion.  For me, I try to consider two things:

1) Will posting it publically add to the discussion or will it just fuel an argument?
2) Will posting it publically be something that is beneficial for the rest of FB to see?

For a "this hurt my feelings" post, I don't think that it's something that meets the above criteria and I would PM it.  For a "here's another point of view", I think publically posting it is fine.  If I see that the person who owns the OP, however, is not open to having an intelligent discussion, then I choose to ignore and maybe even hide.

EllenS

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Re: Offensive Facebook post
« Reply #23 on: May 16, 2014, 01:22:01 PM »
If I see that the person who owns the OP, however, is not open to having an intelligent discussion, then I choose to ignore and maybe even hide.

You know, this is a great point. I have actually hidden feeds of people that I agree with who post stuff up ostensibly for discussion but can't take an alternate - or even a nuance - point of view. They only want an echo chamber.

I have no problem with their opinions, but I don't want to hear uninterrupted ranting about it, either.

Princess Ida

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Re: Offensive Facebook post
« Reply #24 on: May 16, 2014, 09:35:38 PM »
Thank you all for your responses. Someone else commented pointing out that the post was offensive. My friend did not respond well. I will hide the post and possibly the feed, but I will not contact her about it at this point.