Author Topic: Friend invited another friend....  (Read 7739 times)

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bloo

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Re: Friend invited another friend....
« Reply #15 on: May 21, 2014, 04:44:08 PM »
- she's not sure about sharing a room with someone she doesn't know (she's not the most social of people, I will say that)

snip

Ally is lovely but can be a little neurotic and appear a bit anti-social sometimes. I wonder if Betty invited Carly to keep things light and fun!

I'd just like to point out that not being comfortable in sharing a hotel room with someone she doesn't personally know is not the same as being anti-social. I know quite a few social people that would balk at sharing a hotel room with a stranger.

I also think that there is nothing wrong with sharing a hotel room with a stranger in the sense that it's a friend-of-a-friend. But not wanting to is not a symptom of being anti-social.

Psychopoesie

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Re: Friend invited another friend....
« Reply #16 on: May 21, 2014, 11:03:50 PM »
I wouldn't be comfortable with what Betty has done (hope I have the names round the right way). I prefer to get to know someone fairly well before I agreed to share a room with them.

Betty's unilateral decision has now created an awkward situation that could have been avoided if she asked ally if she was ok with it first. It's a joint trip as I understand it and these sort of decisions are best made jointly too.

It's fine for Ally to back out and, since this is a close friend, explain why. Perhaps suggest a different weekend to have a catch up or another small trip. Disappointing though.

If the friend has already been invited for the Friday night, I don't think ally can ask for Betty to now say the friend should come on Saturday. That seems like rescinding part of the original invitation to the friend.  Seems likely to just spread more awkwardness around to exclude the friend from part of the weekend.

purple

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Re: Friend invited another friend....
« Reply #17 on: May 22, 2014, 12:21:19 AM »
- she's not sure about sharing a room with someone she doesn't know (she's not the most social of people, I will say that)

snip

Ally is lovely but can be a little neurotic and appear a bit anti-social sometimes. I wonder if Betty invited Carly to keep things light and fun!

I'd just like to point out that not being comfortable in sharing a hotel room with someone she doesn't personally know is not the same as being anti-social. I know quite a few social people that would balk at sharing a hotel room with a stranger.

I also think that there is nothing wrong with sharing a hotel room with a stranger in the sense that it's a friend-of-a-friend. But not wanting to is not a symptom of being anti-social.

I agree with the bolded.  I don't like to share hotel rooms with people full stop.  I share with my husband, but he puts up with me in a way others probably wouldn't  :).

I wouldn't say that I'm anti-social, just not always-social, IYKWIM.

What a sticky situation!  I think that the rudeness of Betty inviting Carly has created a situation where either 1) Ally can be quiet and put up with it or 2) there is going to have to be a second round of rudeness by somebody - whether it's Ally declining because of Carly, Betty uninviting Carly or partly-uninviting Carly or whatever.

Might come down to a 'know your audience' thing on Ally's part.  Only she knows whether she can bring this up with Betty in a way that won't cause upset to the friendship.

LifeOnPluto

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Re: Friend invited another friend....
« Reply #18 on: May 22, 2014, 06:43:34 AM »
I'm one of the people who wouldn't think it odd to share a hotel room with a stranger--mostly because this woman isn't a stranger. She's a friend of Betty's whom she hasn't met -yet-.

So I don't think it's so horrible of Betty to want to include both friends. Almost always, I like the friends of my friends. I'm certainly willing to give it a try.

I'd have no problem with meeting the friend of a friend. But for dinner, or at a party, or for coffee.

 Not sharing a hotel room right off the bat, or for my birthday. And certainly not on a long weekend away, where there would be no escape if I found out I didn't like the friend-of-a-friend.

It's one thing meeting a new person. It's another thing entirely meeting them and having to spend a long weekend with them with no means of getting away from them because you are sharing a room.

This is where I fall too.

If it's not too late, I'd gently suggest to Betty that we cancel the weekend trip this year, but I'd be glad to meet Carly over dinner or drinks. And if we hit it off, we all go on a weekend away the following year.

If it's too late to cancel the weekend trip, I'd grit my teeth and go, and hope to goodness that I get on ok with Carly. But I'd take Betty aside and ask her to please check with me first next time, before inviting other people along.

PastryGoddess

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Re: Friend invited another friend....
« Reply #19 on: May 22, 2014, 09:39:54 AM »
- she's not sure about sharing a room with someone she doesn't know (she's not the most social of people, I will say that)

snip

Ally is lovely but can be a little neurotic and appear a bit anti-social sometimes. I wonder if Betty invited Carly to keep things light and fun!

I'd just like to point out that not being comfortable in sharing a hotel room with someone she doesn't personally know is not the same as being anti-social. I know quite a few social people that would balk at sharing a hotel room with a stranger.

I also think that there is nothing wrong with sharing a hotel room with a stranger in the sense that it's a friend-of-a-friend. But not wanting to is not a symptom of being anti-social.

I agree with the bolded.  I don't like to share hotel rooms with people full stop.  I share with my husband, but he puts up with me in a way others probably wouldn't  :).

I wouldn't say that I'm anti-social, just not always-social, IYKWIM.

What a sticky situation!  I think that the rudeness of Betty inviting Carly has created a situation where either 1) Ally can be quiet and put up with it or 2) there is going to have to be a second round of rudeness by somebody - whether it's Ally declining because of Carly, Betty uninviting Carly or partly-uninviting Carly or whatever.

Might come down to a 'know your audience' thing on Ally's part.  Only she knows whether she can bring this up with Betty in a way that won't cause upset to the friendship.

Ally wouldn't be rude to decline because of Carly.  And honestly if Betty gets upset, it's not because Ally did something wrong.  Betty is allowed to be upset, she's not allowed to make Ally responsible for her feelings

lowspark

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Re: Friend invited another friend....
« Reply #20 on: May 22, 2014, 10:10:08 AM »
I'm one of the people who wouldn't think it odd to share a hotel room with a stranger--mostly because this woman isn't a stranger. She's a friend of Betty's whom she hasn't met -yet-.

So I don't think it's so horrible of Betty to want to include both friends. Almost always, I like the friends of my friends. I'm certainly willing to give it a try.

This is where I stand too.

Me too.

However, there are a couple of "howevers".

First, I'm not Ally.
Second, Even though I agree with the above, I've been in situations of sharing accommodations with people who didn't share my perspective of how vacations should be spent and It can be uncomfortable at best, contentious at worst.
Third, I agree that there are deal breakers for me, main one being I absolutely will not share a room with a smoker.

Betty shouldn't have invited Carly but there's not much Ally can do about that now. It's a fait accompli. What Ally has to do now is figure out her own preference based on the new dynamic. And honestly, even if Betty had, from the start, told Ally, "I'm spending a weekend on the beach with Carly those dates, do you want to come along since you'll be home?" Ally would still be in the same quandary.

So... what is more important to Ally? Seeing Betty, regardless of the circumstances? Or not going on a weekend with someone she doesn't know? Because at this point it seems to be down to those two choices.

My only suggestion for a compromise would be that instead of Ally suggesting Carly join them after the birthday, Ally arranges to join Betty & Carly after the birthday. That way Ally can spend her birthday in town, with other friends or family, and then spend a shorter amount of time with Betty and Carly.

Winterlight

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Re: Friend invited another friend....
« Reply #21 on: May 22, 2014, 11:21:42 AM »
I've just come back from a trip where I shared a room with someone I'd never met and was fine with it. However, that's me. If Ally feels uncomfortable, that is a valid response.
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Outdoor Girl

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Re: Friend invited another friend....
« Reply #22 on: May 22, 2014, 11:50:35 AM »
I'd be OK sharing a room with a relative stranger.  I would not be OK sharing the bed.  I got stuck with this once at a ball tournament.  We were short players and one girl invited her friend to play with us.  We'd grabbed a couple of rooms; I'd brought my air mattress to sleep on the floor.  The second night, I was asked to give up my air mattress and sleep in the other room, in the same bed, as this girl I'd just met.  The person commandeering my mattress was male; otherwise I'd have said no.

Didn't really sleep a wink that night, clinging to the edge of the bed, worried I'd roll into her.  If it had been a close friend, no problem.

So, for me, it would depend on the sleeping arrangements.  Either Betty and Carly would be sharing a bed or there would need to be three separate beds.

(This was common for us as a team.  We'd get 2 to 3 rooms with two double or queen beds.  The couples would take a bed, as would other people comfortable with sharing a bed with each other.  I'd usually grab the floor so I didn't have to do that.  We'd have 4-6 of us in a room, depending on how big the rooms were.)
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TootsNYC

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Re: Friend invited another friend....
« Reply #23 on: May 22, 2014, 12:42:44 PM »
Quote
Second, Even though I agree with the above, I've been in situations of sharing accommodations with people who didn't share my perspective of how vacations should be spent and It can be uncomfortable at best, contentious at worst.

I have as well. And if Ally's trip home is going to be really short, I think she's fine to say, "I have such a short trip home, so I don't really want to experiment by spending such a big chunk of it on a vacation with someone I don't know well. The dynamic will be really, really different with three instead of the two of us, so I'm going to back out and use those days some other way."

TheaterDiva1

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Re: Friend invited another friend....
« Reply #24 on: May 22, 2014, 12:52:06 PM »
Is there anyway Ally can meet Carly before the trip - maybe have a drink or something? Maybe they will hit it off and this will all work out. If not - that's the time to figure to out, not mid-trip.

sammycat

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Re: Friend invited another friend....
« Reply #25 on: May 22, 2014, 09:03:52 PM »
I'd have no problem with meeting the friend of a friend. But for dinner, or at a party, or for coffee.

 Not sharing a hotel room right off the bat, or for my birthday. And certainly not on a long weekend away, where there would be no escape if I found out I didn't like the friend-of-a-friend.

It's one thing meeting a new person. It's another thing entirely meeting them and having to spend a long weekend with them with no means of getting away from them because you are sharing a room.

I agree.

I'd probably decline this trip and try and rebook with Amy for a later date. I think she's rude for inviting another person along without consulting OP. 

It's not just the hotel sharing thing, but the complete change in dynamic that would result from this unexpected person coming along. Things that I'd had in mind doing that would be fine with two people, or even a larger group where I actually knew all the people, might not be feasible or enjoyable with this unknown quantity along.

Mergatroyd

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Re: Friend invited another friend....
« Reply #26 on: May 22, 2014, 11:12:50 PM »
- she's not sure about sharing a room with someone she doesn't know (she's not the most social of people, I will say that)

snip

Ally is lovely but can be a little neurotic and appear a bit anti-social sometimes. I wonder if Betty invited Carly to keep things light and fun!

I'd just like to point out that not being comfortable in sharing a hotel room with someone she doesn't personally know is not the same as being anti-social. I know quite a few social people that would balk at sharing a hotel room with a stranger.

I also think that there is nothing wrong with sharing a hotel room with a stranger in the sense that it's a friend-of-a-friend. But not wanting to is not a symptom of being anti-social.

I agree with the bolded.  I don't like to share hotel rooms with people full stop.  I share with my husband, but he puts up with me in a way others probably wouldn't  :).

I wouldn't say that I'm anti-social, just not always-social, IYKWIM.

What a sticky situation!  I think that the rudeness of Betty inviting Carly has created a situation where either 1) Ally can be quiet and put up with it or 2) there is going to have to be a second round of rudeness by somebody - whether it's Ally declining because of Carly, Betty uninviting Carly or partly-uninviting Carly or whatever.

Might come down to a 'know your audience' thing on Ally's part.  Only she knows whether she can bring this up with Betty in a way that won't cause upset to the friendship.

Parking my Pod here. I'm reluctant enough sharing a hotel room with a sibling or a close friend. There is no way that I would share a room with two other people, one of whom I do not know. In a situation like this, Someone is going to end up feeling the third wheel. Since Ally is known to be not the most outgoing of people (is that right?) then it will likely be her. Happy Birthday that would be.

Runningstar

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Re: Friend invited another friend....
« Reply #27 on: May 23, 2014, 06:11:43 AM »
Sharing a room with a friend of a friend would be too much for me, but if possible I would reserve my own room.  If that was too expensive or not possible, then I would not go and if it was convenient for me I'd meet up with them both for a meal. 

lkdrymom

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Re: Friend invited another friend....
« Reply #28 on: May 23, 2014, 12:09:55 PM »
I would decline at this point. Ally is uncomfortable sharing a room with someone she does not know which I can totally see. The other point is, how does this change the dynamic of the trip. Ally wanted to catch up with Betty. What happens if Betty and Carly spend more time catching up and Ally feels like a third wheel. Now she has just wasted precious vacation time she could have spent somewhere else.

bopper

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Re: Friend invited another friend....
« Reply #29 on: May 28, 2014, 11:11:49 AM »
"Betty, I am sure I would like to meet Carly since she is a friend of yours.  However, meeting someone and staying in a suite with them is a bit too much for my birthday.  Would it be okay if it was just you and me the first night, and then we add Carly the next? That way we can all spend time together but I get a stressless birthday."