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soon2bemrsf:
Hey everyone,

Thanks for all your help earlier. It's been an eventful last few months though and now I have a new question. We sent out our save the dates for our wedding in February, for 200 people. At that time we were going to rent a hall and have a catered lunch. However at the end of March fiancée got very ill, it required several hospital stays and 2 surgeries and he will need ongoing medical care.

We had to dip into our savings quite a bit to pay for all this. We no longer have enough money saved to pay for the wedding we had planned. Delaying the wedding to build up our savings again is not an option because we need to get fiancée onto my insurance asap, the insurance he has at work is not very good which is what led to us having to dip into our savings so much. So, we have done some ruthless cutting of things. We are still getting married in our church but we are renting a picnic shelter at a local park for the reception, and instead of a catered lunch at a hall,  we will have trays of lunch meat/cheeses/rolls and some cold salads and fruit and veggie trays. We’ll have ice water, lemonade, and iced tea to drink. We will also have homemade sheet cake for desert, for our cake to cut we are making a simple one layer round  cake and decorating it with flowers. We have no decorating or flower budget so we won’t have any of that and fiancée will wear a suit he already owns. His wedding band was $40. We are making our own invitations and a family member is taking our pictures in exchange for fiancée doing some website design for her. The only reason I’m mentioning all this is because despite everything we’ve cut, we are still going to have to cut the guest list by at least 100 people, possibly more. This is the last thing I wanted to cut but we probably aren’t going to be able to afford to have more than 60 people there. We considered eloping but getting married in our church is very important to us and I want my mother to be there when I get married.  :(

So yeah, this is where we are at. I’m wondering the best way to communicate this to everyone? I know there will be hurt feelings and I’m trying to minimize that. But I’m kinda stuck, the budget is what it is and short of me winning the lottery I won't be able to have everyone we originally wanted to have. Thanks for your help.

Bethalize:
Hello there.

Don't worry about it. You aren't cutting the guest list out of spite, you are doing so out of financial responsibility. Sure, some people might be disappointed, but that's okay, they'll live. I don't think you'll have anyone so disappointed that they hold their non-invitation against you for ever. If you do, they are obviously toxic and shouldn't be taken account of in this case.

So I'm sorry that you won't get 200 people to share your day, although I'd like to share that in my personal experience I felt that after the first 40 the bride and groom don't benefit particularly simply because you don't get to spend any time with those people. I think your day sounds lovely and the richer for being about the getting married rather than the party.

If you've already sent "save the dates" out then you do need to communicate with people. The more people you can speak to personally the better. Something simple and unpretentious will do. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this but after recent (medical) bills we have called a halt to our wedding plans. We're still going to get married, but we aren't having a big reception. I thought I'd let you know that you won't need to save the date any more." Then add something about hoping you can get together before or after the wedding.

cattlekid:
I am on board with Bethalize.  I have one additional suggestion:  instead of commenting on the bills, you may want to frame it as "after fiancee's recent illness".  I would think that this would garner more sympathy instead of mentioning money, which might cause friction.


--- Quote from: Bethalize on May 24, 2014, 02:35:56 AM ---If you've already sent "save the dates" out then you do need to communicate with people. The more people you can speak to personally the better. Something simple and unpretentious will do. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this but after recent (medical) bills we have called a halt to our wedding plans. We're still going to get married, but we aren't having a big reception. I thought I'd let you know that you won't need to save the date any more." Then add something about hoping you can get together before or after the wedding.

--- End quote ---

Bethalize:

--- Quote from: cattlekid on May 24, 2014, 10:27:44 AM ---I am on board with Bethalize.  I have one additional suggestion:  instead of commenting on the bills, you may want to frame it as "after fiancee's recent illness".  I would think that this would garner more sympathy instead of mentioning money, which might cause friction.

--- End quote ---

Yes, that's a good point.

lakey:
I've been to weddings similar to what you  describe and they were lovely.
The important thing is that you have the wedding in your church because that is meaningful to you. A lot of people have to limit their guest list. Don't worry about it.

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