Wedding Bliss and Blues > Where Do I Start?

Commitment Ceremony odd update #50

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TurtleDove:
I would likely happily attend such a party, but yes, it seems off to me. It is essentially calling attention to the fact they have chosen *not* to marry. And generally that isn't an event.

greencat:
I was thinking it strange that marriage would cause disability benefits to end, but I did a little research and discovered that there are a number of circumstances where that would be the case, even under just the laws of my own country.

I once attended a handfasting, where the couple had chosen not to wed for an extended period of time, for various reasons, but wanted to make a social commitment to couplehood.  It was a very simple ceremony at a low-key party in the couple's home.  It did not have most of the trappings of a wedding.  It wasn't weird.

If they bill the event as a non-wedding commitment ceremony of some kind and make it clear that it's not a legal wedding, but is a formal acknowledgement that they're a serious couple, it could be fine. It could also be tremendously tacky.  It's probably not actually rude if they don't try to deceive others that it's a legal wedding.

peaches:
A commitment ceremony wouldn't bother me, as long as it was described clearly as such.

There are pros and cons to marriage. I can imagine situations where marriage might add more complications than a couple would want. (Although, in those situations, I donít think Iíd be having a celebration.) 

There are couples who can't legally marry in the jurisdiction where they live. A commitment ceremony in their situation is surely understandable. 

I don't think there's any special etiquette surrounding commitment ceremonies (or any that prohibits them). I think the details and scale of the event would be up to the couple. 

gramma dishes:
I'd be fine with it.

I know some older couples (widows and widowers specifically) who also choose not to marry because of the financial issues that can come up -- and which vary from state to state.  They may live together and share virtually everything, but what's hers is hers and what's his is his and they're more comfortable with that rather than the risk of having state laws alter the distribution of their individual assets which can sometimes happen, even overriding preexisting wills.

Luci:
I believe strongly in marriage but have also seen many cases where it is just too impractical financially to do it. Greencat mentioned doing research, and I do know that in the US some laws can be unkind to married people. I also know some couples get a divorce but maintain a married lifestyle for financial reasons.

I would support the commitment ceremony if it was low-key as mentioned several times above.

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