News: IT'S THE 2ND ANNUAL GUATEMALA LIBRARY PROJECT BOOK DRIVE!    LOOKING FOR DONATIONS OF SCIENCE BOOKS THIS YEAR.    Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • December 17, 2017, 06:00:37 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Poll

What do you usually spend on shower and/or wedding gifts?

Under $25
6 (6.5%)
$25-50
23 (24.7%)
$50-75
18 (19.4%)
$75-100
20 (21.5%)
$100-150
14 (15.1%)
$150-200
7 (7.5%)
$200+
5 (5.4%)

Total Members Voted: 93

Author Topic: Wedding gift norms  (Read 6133 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Bijou

  • Member
  • Posts: 13548
Re: Wedding gift norms
« Reply #15 on: May 28, 2014, 07:41:50 AM »
It really would depend on my relationship with the person. 
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.

whiterose

  • From the good old US of A!
  • Member
  • Posts: 4470
Re: Wedding gift norms
« Reply #16 on: May 28, 2014, 08:52:37 AM »
I put 25-50.

That is what I spent for the last 3 weddings I have attended.

In addition to the regularly scheduled registry wedding gift for the last one I attended, I also spent around $20 for the shower gifts. However, keep in mind this was the wedding of my brother and now SIL. For the shower, I got them toys for their pets.  ;D
I have pet mice!

z_squared82

  • Member
  • Posts: 604
Re: Wedding gift norms
« Reply #17 on: May 28, 2014, 08:55:36 AM »
I usually spend $30-40 on the shower gift and the wedding gift. Two gifts usually totally less than $100. Mostly because I have a lot of student loans. A guy friend of mine is getting married soon and Iíve heard tell of a shower for his fiancťe, but have yet to receive an invitation. If I donít go to a shower for her, Iíll probably get them something about $60-80 in price.

This is my price range for family and friends. Even my brother/SIL (although I did throw the bachelorette party, so that was an extra cost). I have yet to be invited to a wedding of a co-worker, or something like that. (Iíve been someoneís date, but as a date, I didnít handle the gifts.)

cattlekid

  • Member
  • Posts: 988
Re: Wedding gift norms
« Reply #18 on: May 28, 2014, 09:04:57 AM »
With my family, a $25 shower gift and $50 for a wedding (to cover two guests) would be completely appropriate for a cousin getting married. 

With DH's family, that is doubled for cousins and needs to be tripled or more for siblings.  A summer full of weddings and christenings for DH's family can break a budget for sure.

Outdoor Girl

  • Member
  • Posts: 16459
Re: Wedding gift norms
« Reply #19 on: May 28, 2014, 09:07:58 AM »
I generally spend in the $100-$150 range for close friends and family.  If I'm also going to a shower, that tends to come off the wedding gift total.  So I'd probably spend about $25 for the shower and give $125 for the wedding.  I've never been to a wedding with a date but if I did, I probably wouldn't double what I gave but I'd up it to $200ish.

I don't generally go to the weddings of people I'm less close to, especially if there is travel and accommodations involved; I'll just decline.  If the shower is local, I might still attend that and give a $25-$50 gift.

I've also been known to provide services, rather than a gift.  I was a bridesmaid for one friend; she forbid me from buying her a wedding gift.  I did give her something small - $20ish - that was an item that was hard to find.  And another friend, I made her cake.
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

LadyL

  • Member
  • Posts: 3432
Re: Wedding gift norms
« Reply #20 on: May 28, 2014, 09:11:57 AM »
Well, I feel reassured about what we spent on the shower gift (about $65). I am wondering if the people who gave my cousin more elaborate shower gifts intend that to also be their wedding present, or are giving a less expensive wedding present? I just can't imagine that many people really plan on spending $300-500 total on gifts, in addition to travel and lodging costs for the wedding (they are having it at a family estate in a state where, to my knowledge, none of the guests live). Then again I was surprised by how generous many of the wedding gifts we received were, and the relatives/friends in my area did seem to spend more than people from other states, so it may just be a NYC area thing for people to spend more...?

Zizi-K

  • Member
  • Posts: 2096
Re: Wedding gift norms
« Reply #21 on: May 28, 2014, 09:15:11 AM »
DH and I have really not attended weddings for people that are not close to us. All of the weddings in the past 5 years have either been for siblings or close friends. The close friends' weddings have been out of town, so we were not invited to the showers. The main gift was the wedding gift. In all of these cases, the cumulative total has been $400-$500 because: they are people very close to us, and they were similarly generous to us for our wedding.

Thipu1

  • Member
  • Posts: 7439
Re: Wedding gift norms
« Reply #22 on: May 28, 2014, 09:16:04 AM »
Haven't been to a shower in many years.  I wouldn't have the faintest idea what the norm is these days. 

For Weddings we usually send the HC 200 USD. 

LemonZen

  • Member
  • Posts: 184
Re: Wedding gift norms
« Reply #23 on: May 28, 2014, 09:18:53 AM »
For a shower gift I normally get something in the $25-$40 range. For a wedding, it depends on the person. For the average person that I know but am not super close with I'd probably go with around $50. (In addition to the shower gift) For a close friend or family member it would be probably $100 or so. All of these seem to be about the average in my circle for the younger set. Grandparents, parents, and other older well to do relatives/friends are usually higher.

On times when our budget has been particularly tight, we try to go in with other people to get a bigger ticket item together. We can usually spend a bit less while still getting the couple something nice.

For your other question, I have known some people to combine the shower and wedding gift into a larger gift and just give it at the shower. A relative did that for me, and my parents recently gave a friend's daughter a larger combined wedding/shower gift since they were unable to attend the wedding itself.

knitwicca

  • Member
  • Posts: 620
Re: Wedding gift norms
« Reply #24 on: May 28, 2014, 09:19:34 AM »
For the poll, I chose $50-$75.

The truth is, I dislike showers of any sort so I rarely go to those. I  catered my daughter's shower so I could avoid the games.   

For a young couple who is setting up house, I usually knit some cotton dishcloths and include them in a kitchen-themed basket.  A check that is within my budget is usually included.
For a more established couple, the amount I spend is dependent on my relationship to them.  I try to get gifts that are more personal/thoughtful than thinking in terms of cost.



#borecore

  • Member
  • Posts: 5183
  • Extreme normcore
Re: Wedding gift norms
« Reply #25 on: May 28, 2014, 09:27:45 AM »
For the shower (which, for some reason, my friends don't have -- I didn't either), I would expect to spend under $30. Most of the showers I've attended have been for colleagues whose weddings I wasn't invited to, and for those I'd stick closer to $15.

For a wedding, we'd probably spend $50 or less.

Lynn2000

  • Member
  • Posts: 8322
Re: Wedding gift norms
« Reply #26 on: May 28, 2014, 09:41:59 AM »
I chose the $25-50 option. My standard is $50 for a wedding gift--approximately, I don't like to give cash/gift cards so I might pick an item from the registry that's $45 and have it shipped directly to the HC for $5. But if someone wants to go in on a gift together, I contribute $50.

I have spent less sometimes, for example a former co-worker who didn't invite me to the wedding (nor did I expect/want him to), but I wanted to get him something anyway--I think that was more like $25.

If I attend a wedding shower I spend no more than $50 on the gift, and it might be less depending on other wedding-related expenses like travel. But no less than $25. So for a wedding shower + wedding gift proper, I might spend $75-100 total. That's really my maximum--that's what I spent on my friend Amy, for example, who is my closest friend.

I'd never heard of the "cover your plate" concept until I was an adult, or the idea of remembering what someone gave you/your parents/etc. in the past and matching that. So I decide the amount I want to spend based on my own budget and my relationship with the person, only.

Another rule I have: if you include me on my parents' invitation (as if I were a minor child living in their household... which I'm NOT, I'm over 30 and have lived independently for over a dozen years), I contribute nothing to your gift, even if I attend. Hey, a 10-year-old wouldn't, right? ::)
~Lynn2000

TootsNYC

  • Member
  • Posts: 33825
Re: Wedding gift norms
« Reply #27 on: May 28, 2014, 09:59:02 AM »
I can't do this poll. There is no "and/or"--wedding gifts are far more substantial than shower gifts.

They are in such different categories--have been, no matter where I've lived, or what circles I was moving in.

In my ILs' family, a shower gift is $75-$100 in stuff; a wedding gift is about $300 in cash.
For me, anyway. My ILs spend more.


In my birth family, a shower gift is typically $25; I usually spend $50. And a wedding gift is about that.

I still remember my nephew's wedding; during the present opening (most gifts were items costing at most about $40), they announced the amounts of money (no, not polite, but there you are). Grandparents gave them $25 in cash. I think my mom gave more like $50 or $70.

I gave $100 (after an argument w/ my DH about how I should give more, and I said it would make them uncomfortable). And it made them uncomfortable (and everybody else, too).

mime

  • Member
  • Posts: 1841
Re: Wedding gift norms
« Reply #28 on: May 28, 2014, 10:08:43 AM »
I said $75-100. That's where I am for wedding gifts. For a shower, I'm closer to $50.

I think the norm in my social circles is a bit lower than that-- maybe $25 for showers and $50 for weddings. I guess I tend to go a bit higher because my whole extended family is small but very close and I have few-but-close friends, so I don't have to budget for 2-3 weddings each year.


cattlekid

  • Member
  • Posts: 988
Re: Wedding gift norms
« Reply #29 on: May 28, 2014, 10:23:44 AM »
Toots, I think your DH and mine might be from the same family.  We went to a wedding for one of my friends this weekend.  I gave them $50 cash plus the $50 shower gift I gave for the shower I couldn't attend due to a travel conflict.  DH was appalled and said it should have been at least double and I told him that my friend would be totally embarrassed with a gift of that size, which he had a hard time believing.

I can't do this poll. There is no "and/or"--wedding gifts are far more substantial than shower gifts.

They are in such different categories--have been, no matter where I've lived, or what circles I was moving in.

In my ILs' family, a shower gift is $75-$100 in stuff; a wedding gift is about $300 in cash.
For me, anyway. My ILs spend more.


In my birth family, a shower gift is typically $25; I usually spend $50. And a wedding gift is about that.

I still remember my nephew's wedding; during the present opening (most gifts were items costing at most about $40), they announced the amounts of money (no, not polite, but there you are). Grandparents gave them $25 in cash. I think my mom gave more like $50 or $70.

I gave $100 (after an argument w/ my DH about how I should give more, and I said it would make them uncomfortable). And it made them uncomfortable (and everybody else, too).