Author Topic: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29  (Read 13828 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

LeveeWoman

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4148
Re: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29
« Reply #15 on: May 29, 2014, 11:07:23 AM »
"You forgot your wallet again?? But this is the third time and I'vw only planned on paying for my own meal." and then Id pointedly turn and continue my conversation.

She didn't forget her wallet. She forgot her purse, which to me is as unfathomable as forgetting one's shoes.

Not sure I understand this. Wallet and purse mean pretty much the same thing where I'm from - although the former is usually for men, the latter for women. It's where you put your money, cards and stuff. A handbag is what I carry my purse in.


I don't want this to devolve into semantics, but I carry my wallet in my purse. I assumed thats' what the LW meant as well.

Whichever she meant, the second time would've tipped me off, and I would've declined to pay.

rose red

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7550
Re: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29
« Reply #16 on: May 29, 2014, 11:07:43 AM »
Situations like this always makes me annoyed and frustrated.......about the doormat! I'm as wimpy as they come, but I still find ways to say no, even if I have to lie and say I don't have extra money. This may be cold hearted, but I have no sympathy for those who just rolls over and allow themselves to be taken advantage of again and again.  Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Outdoor Girl

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 13665
Re: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29
« Reply #17 on: May 29, 2014, 11:07:55 AM »
Here, a purse is the handbag.  The wallet is the part that contains all the money and credit cards and such and goes inside your purse.  So I can see forgetting your wallet if you'd taken it out of your purse for some reason and didn't put it back.  But forgetting your purse?  Means you've forgotten your handbag that has all the things you need on a daily basis.
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
Ontario

NyaChan

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4107
Re: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29
« Reply #18 on: May 29, 2014, 11:18:31 AM »
I'm really surprised that we are getting this nitpicky about wording.  Forgetting your wallet to me is, aside from a factual thing, also a phrase used to say you don't have money on you.  Purse, wallet, handbag - as far as I'm concerned, they are all places to keep money.  If you keep other things there - and yeah, my wallet also has my license and cars keys in it - then fine, but I don't think my post was leaving anyone in confusion of what I was trying to say - that I'd point out that this had happened before - despite my use of the word wallet rather than purse.

Psychopoesie

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 818
Re: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29
« Reply #19 on: May 29, 2014, 11:20:12 AM »
Here, a purse is the handbag.  The wallet is the part that contains all the money and credit cards and such and goes inside your purse.  So I can see forgetting your wallet if you'd taken it out of your purse for some reason and didn't put it back.  But forgetting your purse?  Means you've forgotten your handbag that has all the things you need on a daily basis.

Thanks - that's helpful to know. I knew that what would be called a purse here was also called a pocketbook in the US but hadn't come across this language difference before.

Does make a difference to how I read the letter to Dear Prudence. I'd have to be seriously unwell or stressed to leave the whole handbag behind and definitely not up for lunch. Think I'd have said no even the first time.

ETA. went to double check and pocketbook in US looks like it's a handbag here. Hilarious that even with English as a common language between US and Oz, small difference like this can really throw you for a loop.
« Last Edit: May 29, 2014, 11:28:13 AM by Psychopoesie »

weeblewobble

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3282
Re: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29
« Reply #20 on: May 29, 2014, 11:20:19 AM »
POD, purse or wallet, it seems very unlikely that a reasonable person would forget an item THAT many times, particularly when forgetting that item means that she is left in the position of asking someone to pay for her lunch.

bloo

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1254
Re: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29
« Reply #21 on: May 29, 2014, 11:21:08 AM »
Here, a purse is the handbag.  The wallet is the part that contains all the money and credit cards and such and goes inside your purse.  So I can see forgetting your wallet if you'd taken it out of your purse for some reason and didn't put it back.  But forgetting your purse?  Means you've forgotten your handbag that has all the things you need on a daily basis.

Yeah and in my case forgetting my purse (or handbag) would mean forgetting my cellphone and my car keys. So it's impossible for me to forget my purse past the point I'm sitting in my front seat of my car and looking to start it.

I carry a DPA (Durable Power of Attorney - information to be used about treatment in the event of an accident and I can't speak for myself) and my driver's license for ID as well as credit cards 'just in case'. I don't ever leave the house to go somewhere either in my car or someone else's without them because I always ask myself 'what do I need' every time I'm going to leave the house. I don't even go jogging without my ID and DPA.

So I would never forget my purse, wallet or handbag. It's a lame excuse for Affluent Mom.

HoneyBee42

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 602
Re: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29
« Reply #22 on: May 29, 2014, 11:23:49 AM »
Quite frankly, I find doormats like the LW to be so irritating that I have to walk away from the screen just to compose a reply.

My response would have been to ignore the pointed looks the first time, and if the other mom point-blank asked, I would simply say that I had only budgeted to cover my own expenses, and suggest she call her DH or someone else to provide the funds for her to cover her own expenses.  Repeat as necessary (since it appears to be a regular occurrence) until she gloms onto some other person who has hopefully learned by the example set to not be a doormat either.

Being thought cheap?  That doesn't even make sense to me because LW is covering her expenses.  I don't care how small the amount is, I don't cover for casual "friends" (most people seem to use this word far more loosely than I would, I would consider the other mother to be an acquaintance).

gramma dishes

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8053
Re: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29
« Reply #23 on: May 29, 2014, 11:23:55 AM »
Next time I would pointedly say to the other woman "Just so you know.  I absolutely will NOT be paying for your lunch today."  Then I would turn to someone else and totally change the subject to "Isn't this bean dip appetizer wonderful?"

m2kbug

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1408
Re: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29
« Reply #24 on: May 29, 2014, 11:27:25 AM »
I would probably just say, "I've been happy to cover you in the past, but you have never payed me back, and I just don't have the funds available to cover you today."  I could just bring $20 cash and claim I forgot my purse too, luckily I had $20 in the car.  I could go further and say, "This lunch is not a mystery, you need to be better about remembering your purse.  What would you do if you needed gas?"  I can understand this need to keep up with the Jones' and not appear to be cheap or stingy.  I also question continuing friendships with the group if judgement is passed on not being rich enough.

To move onto a new bent, these people could be living outside their means, projecting riches, including the car, but are knee deep in dept and are, in reality, broke.  That's not to say the LW or anyone else in the group should feel obligated to cover this woman's meals and expenses.  She should not be attending if she can't afford to eat out.  Just say no. 

Zizi-K

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 668
Re: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29
« Reply #25 on: May 29, 2014, 11:29:15 AM »
If I were the LW, I would text AF prior to the meeting to remind her to bring the $30 that she owes me for the last three lunches. This would also imply that she should also bring enough money to cover her own lunch as well.

bloo

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1254
Re: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29
« Reply #26 on: May 29, 2014, 11:37:27 AM »
If I were the LW, I would text AF prior to the meeting to remind her to bring the $30 that she owes me for the last three lunches. This would also imply that she should also bring enough money to cover her own lunch as well.

This is a good point. Honestly if I was close enough to be considered someone's ATM for a regular occurrence, I would assume I'm close enough to have their phone number and call them and remind them to bring their purse. I would be unembarrassed about that. I'd point blank say, "You've forgotten your money several times so I thought I'd remind you as I'm not covering for you again."

In my post about Dina earlier, thinking back, I'd gotten in a habit of asking Dina if she had her money (not her wallet, not her purse but her money) when we'd be on an outing. So that is probably why Dina didn't try to pull this on me a 3rd time.

Another Sarah

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 293
Re: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29
« Reply #27 on: May 29, 2014, 11:38:49 AM »
"I'm sorry, I didn't bring a lot of money out today. I was expecting you to pick up my next three lunches, like you said you would."

auntmeegs

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3196
Re: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29
« Reply #28 on: May 29, 2014, 11:39:18 AM »
When I read things like this there is a part of me that thinks that they canít be real because I just feel like no one could be that stupid that they would keep paying for this womanís lunch, past the first time it happened. 

pierrotlunaire0

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4179
  • I'm the cat's aunt!
Re: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29
« Reply #29 on: May 29, 2014, 11:55:04 AM »
I was rolling my eyes so hard when I read the letter I thought they could hear them down the block.

Seriously, the LW doesn't want the other women to think she is cheap?  If they have a problem with it, they can pay.
I have enough lithium in my medicine cabinet to power three cars across a sizeable desert.  Which makes me officially...Three Cars Crazy