Author Topic: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29  (Read 13609 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

bloo

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1157
Re: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29
« Reply #30 on: May 29, 2014, 11:56:30 AM »
When I read things like this there is a part of me that thinks that they canít be real because I just feel like no one could be that stupid that they would keep paying for this womanís lunch, past the first time it happened.

It sounds ridiculous doesn't it?

And yet I've seen this level of entitlement so, sadly, I can believe it.

I was rolling my eyes so hard when I read the letter I thought they could hear them down the block.

Seriously, the LW doesn't want the other women to think she is cheap?  If they have a problem with it, they can pay.

Exactly. LW could say, "I've paid the last 4 times. Who's willing to cover Affluent Mom this time?"

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 30461
Re: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29
« Reply #31 on: May 29, 2014, 11:59:01 AM »
The threat of being thought of as "cheap" is very strong. 

Personally I wouldn't cover someone more than once if they hadn't paid me back.  But I understand how people get sucked into it.  If you are worried about being cheap though, you could just say that you don't have the money.  It's no different from affluent mom saying that she forgot her purse.

It is strong, isn't it? But the threat of being seen as a con man (the moocher) or as a patsy (the payer) isn't as strong!

I would suggest that the mom do a "life hack." Set it up so that she *cannot* pay for anybody else's lunch.
   (Sort of like Odysseus tying himself to the mast and stuffing wax in the ears of his men, in order to get past the Sirens, but allowing himself to hear them.)
    Call ahead and figure out exactly what I'm going to buy for snack, with tax. And put exactly that amount of money in my pocket; leave *everything* else at home. Then go to lunch.

Then I can't pay.

Or, I would just skip the next 2 gatherings. If anybody else asked, I'd be totally honest: "Moocher Mom keeps asking me to pay for her lunch, and I'm having trouble being tough about it, so I thought I'd just not go for a few times, and then maybe it'll be easier to break the cycle."

But really, people need to drag this stuff out into the open. Which is worse--being cheap? Or mooching off other people repeatedly?


But I do like the idea of asking the woman to bring the money. If you're too chicken to do it face-to-face, do it by text.
   Or better yet, reply-all to the group email and say, "Looking forward to seeing you all. Oh, Moocher, don't forget your wallet. Will you be able to pay me back tomorrow for the lunches I've bought you?" Just make it aside to the general thing, but let the group know what's going on.
   She deserves it.

magicdomino

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4546
Re: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29
« Reply #32 on: May 29, 2014, 12:06:51 PM »
I can see it once.  I can maybe see it tw0, even three times, at least when I was young and cripplingly shy. (As opposed to now when I am still shy, but also mean and cynical.)  But this sounds like it has become more like the school bully who keeps demanding the timid kid's lunch money.  Since the LW is too old to call on a teacher or parent to solve her problem, LW is just going to have to stiffen up and say something.  And I guarantee that the other women won't think she is cheap.  A fool, maybe, but they may already be wondering about that.

Outdoor Girl

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 13524
Re: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29
« Reply #33 on: May 29, 2014, 12:10:47 PM »
Or better yet, reply-all to the group email and say, "Looking forward to seeing you all. Oh, Moocher, don't forget your wallet. Will you be able to pay me back tomorrow for the lunches I've bought you?" Just make it aside to the general thing, but let the group know what's going on.
She deserves it.

I like this.
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
Ontario

BeagleMommy

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3003
Re: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29
« Reply #34 on: May 29, 2014, 12:20:27 PM »
I think I would rather be viewed as cheap than be viewed as a fool.

This would have only happened with me once.  I would have paid the first time because, hey, things happen.  Anyone can have a brain malfunction once in a while.

When it happened the second time it would have been "Sorry, can't do it this time.  Who can help Ditsy with her lunch bill today?".

heartmug

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2314
Re: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29
« Reply #35 on: May 29, 2014, 12:28:39 PM »
"You forgot your wallet again?? But this is the third time and I'vw only planned on paying for my own meal." and then Id pointedly turn and continue my conversation.

POD!
The trouble is not that the world is full of fools, it's just that lightening isn't distributed right.  - Mark Twain

heartmug

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2314
Re: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29
« Reply #36 on: May 29, 2014, 12:30:31 PM »
I think I would rather be viewed as cheap than be viewed as a fool.


Me too!!
The trouble is not that the world is full of fools, it's just that lightening isn't distributed right.  - Mark Twain

Aquamarine

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1689
Re: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29
« Reply #37 on: May 29, 2014, 12:42:28 PM »
You can only be a doormat with your own consent.  One time forgetting a purse, plausible, though unlikely. Every single time? Nope, being used.  Time to tell Minnie the Moocher before lunch that you will not be paying for her this time or any time in the near future.

POD.  The second time this woman pulled this stunt I would have called her on it.  "Oh I only have enough to cover my own lunch, you need to speak with the manager and ask him what you should do."  People like this woman have no problem putting others in awkward positions because they know most people will go along with it because they: don't want to be seen as *rude*, appear cheap, not "be nice", or be seen as "creating a scene".  I am a stone cold B when dealing with people like the OP described, somehow I can sense them from a mile off and have zero trouble letting them fall on their face.  A forgotten wallet would have me paying one time because sometimes it does happen, but when I wasn't paid back, that would be it for that person.

I don't get how people allow themselves to (quite obviously) be used by others and then complain that they are being used!  Users use, it's just what they do and who they are.

Honestly I wouldn't say anything about not paying to this person, when she asked for money at the end of the meal is the time I would say no.  I don't think shame and embarrassment are always a bad thing and in the OPs case this person has earned it.  There is no reason for me to give a user advance notice that I will not let them use me.  Just no.
« Last Edit: May 29, 2014, 01:58:38 PM by Rosewater »
Always be polite, even to nasty people. Not because they are nice, but because you are.

gramma dishes

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7950
Re: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29
« Reply #38 on: May 29, 2014, 12:46:03 PM »
I don't think she should worry about the others thinking she's cheap.  I expect that the other women will actually respect her far more for drawing a very hard line in the sand with this woman.

If a person consistently lets someone take advantage of them over and over and over, it sends the message that that person feels inferior in some way to the group and will do almost anything to be friends with them and included in their social activities.  It can come across as being 'needy' and that's (in general) not an attractive trait.

TheaterDiva1

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1425
Re: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29
« Reply #39 on: May 29, 2014, 12:46:59 PM »
Hmm... If she's claiming to have forgotten her wallet and drives herself there, would it be rude to ask if she's been driving without a license (usually in the wallet) and point out it's illegal and hopefully she doesn't get pulled over? Plant a little fear in her.

I am curious though... 1. Why does AM target the LW specifically? And 2. Does AM order the same as/less than everyone else of is she the type to order appetizer, entree, dessert and cocktails while the others get one dish and a soda, knowing it's on someone else's dime?

shhh its me

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6856
Re: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29
« Reply #40 on: May 29, 2014, 12:54:09 PM »
Hmm... If she's claiming to have forgotten her wallet and drives herself there, would it be rude to ask if she's been driving without a license (usually in the wallet) and point out it's illegal and hopefully she doesn't get pulled over? Plant a little fear in her.

I am curious though... 1. Why does AM target the LW specifically? And 2. Does AM order the same as/less than everyone else of is she the type to order appetizer, entree, dessert and cocktails while the others get one dish and a soda, knowing it's on someone else's dime?

I would guess its a simple matter of LW hasn't said "no" and gives off a vibe that she has little ability to say no.

Harriet Jones

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6554
  • Yes, we know who you are.
Re: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29
« Reply #41 on: May 29, 2014, 01:11:34 PM »
Hmm... If she's claiming to have forgotten her wallet and drives herself there, would it be rude to ask if she's been driving without a license (usually in the wallet) and point out it's illegal and hopefully she doesn't get pulled over? Plant a little fear in her.

I am curious though... 1. Why does AM target the LW specifically? And 2. Does AM order the same as/less than everyone else of is she the type to order appetizer, entree, dessert and cocktails while the others get one dish and a soda, knowing it's on someone else's dime?

I would guess its a simple matter of LW hasn't said "no" and gives off a vibe that she has little ability to say no.

Yes, she's targeted LW as an easy mark.

m2kbug

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1343
Re: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29
« Reply #42 on: May 29, 2014, 01:16:59 PM »
Hmm... If she's claiming to have forgotten her wallet and drives herself there, would it be rude to ask if she's been driving without a license (usually in the wallet) and point out it's illegal and hopefully she doesn't get pulled over? Plant a little fear in her.

I am curious though... 1. Why does AM target the LW specifically? And 2. Does AM order the same as/less than everyone else of is she the type to order appetizer, entree, dessert and cocktails while the others get one dish and a soda, knowing it's on someone else's dime?

I also questioned why LW became a target, and I'm guessing she rolled over once (no problem, these things happen), rolled over twice, rolled over a third time, and now she's the go-to-gal.  I wonder if AM dried up her resources with the other ladies who have possibly gone through the same process and started saying no.  You'd think this would have been discussed (warned) at some point with LW if this was the case, and would have been included in the letter.  As long as AM can latch on to a benefactor, this will continue.

rose red

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7487
Re: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29
« Reply #43 on: May 29, 2014, 01:24:29 PM »
Hmm... If she's claiming to have forgotten her wallet and drives herself there, would it be rude to ask if she's been driving without a license (usually in the wallet) and point out it's illegal and hopefully she doesn't get pulled over? Plant a little fear in her.

I am curious though... 1. Why does AM target the LW specifically? And 2. Does AM order the same as/less than everyone else of is she the type to order appetizer, entree, dessert and cocktails while the others get one dish and a soda, knowing it's on someone else's dime?

I would guess its a simple matter of LW hasn't said "no" and gives off a vibe that she has little ability to say no.

Yes, she's targeted LW as an easy mark.

Yup. As long as the LW keeps forking over free lunches, why stop the gravy train?

newbiePA

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 924
    • Outside the Marinara Zone- our new blog :)
Re: S/O Restaurant bill shenanigans: Dear Prudence Third Letter 05/29
« Reply #44 on: May 29, 2014, 01:37:58 PM »
And to be honest, who cares if the woman is affluent or not?  If you are going out to lunch, you know that money is required.  If the woman was poor as a church mouse, that is no excuse for mooching.  If you can't afford a meal, don't attend meal where you are expected to pay! (all you's are general, of course)
Not such a newbie anymore