Etiquette School is in session! > "So kind of you to take an interest."

Church Members Concerned About My DH

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My DH and I are currently separated. We are keeping this private for now because it's so new and we're still friends and who knows what will happen? It may lead to divorce or we may get back together. We're taking things a day at a time, and I think it's good that we're talking - now more than when we were together, actually.

Anyway, since he hasn't been with me at church the last couple of Sundays, naturally our church friends are curious as to where he is. Most of them have simply said "Tell DH we missed him today" which is fine; I say "I will".

But one lady, not known for her tact, came out and asked "Is DH sick?" I was a little taken aback, so I just said "Yes", and justified it by thinking to myself, he's sick for not wanting to be with me LOL.

Is this a situation where a little white lie is OK? I suppose I could have said "So kind of you to take an interest" but in this case, this is someone I've known (through church) for years. On second thought, maybe that's better than having her think he's sick and having unwarranted sympathy for him!

Or is there some other phrase I can keep in mind?

"Thanks for your concern, everything is just fine. Bean dip?"

No, he's fine.  I'll tell him you asked after him.

Tea Drinker:
I like BeagleMommy's answer, for the next time (since there likely will be a next time).

Since you did say that yes, he was sick, if the same person asks next week--or someone else says "I hear your husband has been sick"--you can say "he's doing better now, thanks for asking" and then change the subject. If someone was sick one weekend and better the next, I wouldn't think anything of it, since it's normal for colds and a number of other things to get better on that timescale.

I think the white lie is fine. (What would have been questionable was any sort of elaborating about nonexistent symptoms, or making a big fuss about something like hay fever or arthritis that he'd had for years at the same level. And that's iffy because it tends to lead into further complications and people asking him about it later.) If you haven't already, the next time you talk to him you should probably tell him "By the way, Church Lady asked if you'd been sick and I said yes without thinking. So if she asks if you're feeling better, next time you see her, that's why."

I think your answer was fine. I'm wondering, though, if you shouldn't have something ready in case he's absent for awhile so people 1) don't worry and 2) don't pester you about it. Maybe something like "He's fine. He's not able to come with me for now." and if they persist in asking when/if he'll be back "I'm sorry but the answer to that is personal and I can't speak for him. I promise that he's doing well."


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