Author Topic: Incident at the classical music concert - was I bad?  (Read 6437 times)

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Hillia

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Re: Incident at the classical music concert - was I bad?
« Reply #45 on: June 06, 2014, 01:53:16 PM »
How will children learn to appreciate classical music? By listening to it at home, perhaps? Disney's Fantasia is also a good start.

I think people ask too much of a child to expect them to sit through a three hour concert.


I probably will get flamed/dog piled for this but in regards to the bolded:

I don't care how kids learns about classical music, this isn't my problem, it's the parents responsibility to seek out age appropriate venues for exposure, not mine to put up with disruptions.  *You* don't get to ruin my enjoyment of a concert just because *you* want to expose *your* children to it.

If kids are creating a disturbance they should immediately be removed from the concert by management.  Tolerating kids bad behavior by management is doing little more than turning off the very people who have the time, money and appreciation to attend.

* General

I don't think anyone is saying that kids should be allowed to ruin a performance for anyone else in the name of 'learning to behave'.  But it's unfair to assume that n o child can sit through a live music performance, live theater, etc - many can.  Those kids have been prepped by their parents outside the venue, have practiced how to behave (maybe at kid's concerts), and are accompanied by alert parents who will remove them immediately if there is a problem. 

Poorly behaved kids and the parents that don't control them are the problem, not kids in general.  There's absolutely no reason for anyone to have a problem with a child sitting quietly during a concert - that's better behavior than you get from some adults.  Behavior is the issue, not age.

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TootsNYC

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Re: Incident at the classical music concert - was I bad?
« Reply #46 on: June 06, 2014, 01:59:39 PM »
Quote
we've been complimented often by people like Toots that take the time to say something positive.

One thing I personally don't do is to compliment parent or child on the child's good behavior. That just seems so patronizing to me.

I will speak to the child in a friendly way about the concert itself, or any other "I'm making conversation with you" topic.


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I, too, would, if I found myself running into the children during the intermission, compliment them on following my instruction.  It wouldn't come across as that, nor would it seem like a lecture. I would let them know that I understand sometimes they get carried away, but that the time to do so is not during the performance.  It also certainly would not come across as my correcting the parents.  My tone and demeanor would translate that well.  It would be something like a simple, "Thank you for being quiet after I asked.  I know it can get really exciting but you did a great job after I reminded you that other people are trying to enjoy it, too."  I would be talking directly to the children, with a smile to the adults.  I understand that this may appear to be stepping over the line, but I do think it is an instance in which it is necessary.  I know I have sometimes welcomed another adult backing me up because, after all, even at six, mother doesn't know best and someone else backing her up is all it takes to make it sink in.


I don't think you get to decide that. The person who gets to decide how it comes across is the person on the receiving end. I don't even think you have any clue how it comes across--you aren't in their head.

I firmly believe that it most certainly would come across like a lecture, especially the part I underlined.

If I were that 8yo kid, I'd hate you. You are not the boss of me. You aren't the person who gets to decide whether I did a great job or not.

If you wanted to say, "Thanks for granting my request of not talking," that would be about as far as I think you could take it. And I still wouldn't appreciate what seemed like a further change to point out how wrong I had been, and that you were the one to tell me what to do.

Mental Magpie

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Re: Incident at the classical music concert - was I bad?
« Reply #47 on: June 06, 2014, 02:39:34 PM »
If I was 8 and had been behaving poorly, which I would have figured out by being told to quiet down, I wouldn't hate the person. I'd feel ashamed that I disappointed someone. However, it's also really not my concern if an 8 year old hates me because I called them out. I still feel thanking the child is appropriate, maybe not adding "after I asked", but still thanking them nonetheless.
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

Possum

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Re: Incident at the classical music concert - was I bad?
« Reply #48 on: June 06, 2014, 04:05:50 PM »
and said, "Thank you so much for ruining these boys first concert for them.  They were invited here personally by [one of the pianists' names] and you spoiled it for them."
Translated:  "I believe my children should be free spirits, able to do what they want, when they want to, with no restrictions, and you just introduced them to the fact that that isn't how the world works.  Thank you so much for impinging on my lazy, no-discipline parenting style."

Xandraea

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Re: Incident at the classical music concert - was I bad?
« Reply #49 on: June 06, 2014, 10:35:58 PM »
Quote
we've been complimented often by people like Toots that take the time to say something positive.

One thing I personally don't do is to compliment parent or child on the child's good behavior. That just seems so patronizing to me.

I will speak to the child in a friendly way about the concert itself, or any other "I'm making conversation with you" topic.

*snipped for relevance to reply*

That's what I meant, Toots. I take it as a compliment when people say nice things to my DD conversationally, because most who disapprove of someone's behavior won't make the effort of a friendly chat on any topic. Just a simple, "Are you enjoying the performance?", or "Wasn't that last piece beautiful? What is your favorite part of the concert so far?"

I know I got a huge kick out of going to see "Cinderella" at a children's theater with my dd when she was younger, and seeing all the littler girls all dolled up in princess dresses, shiny shoes, and tiaras. All the ones near me sat well the entire performance, gasping excitedly at appropriate times, excitedly talked during intermission about the gorgeous costumes and the characters, and I wasn't disturbed by any goings-on in the audience for the entire show. This was at a children's theater, and all the children were very well behaved. I did compliment some of the little princesses on their beautiful dresses, and received grins of delight in return.