Author Topic: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16  (Read 8973 times)

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green.and.blue

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I was one of three bridesmaids in a wedding last weekend, where the other two were the sister and sister-in-law of the bride. There were three groomsmen, one a brother of the groom and one the brother of the bride, and then the best man, who I had never met before the rehearsal.

The wedding party had their pictures taken first, then the happy couple. The entire wedding party were chatting and having sandwiches, then it was time for family photos. The best man and I were left alone together, and we continued to make small talk finding common interests. He pulled out his cell phone, checked it, then took a photo of me before sliding it back in a different pocket. This was not a situation where there were others taking photos, we weren't goofing around and there wasn't a "silly moment" to capture to share with the others. He didn't ask or say anything other than quietly "just snapped your picture" and I was taken aback, but didn't know what to say.

I have to admit that I felt quite uncomfortable in the moment. I think I got a little quiet then tried to continue chatting. It's been a few days now, and I still feel weird thinking about this guy having my picture on his phone like that. EHell, what would you have done or said?

« Last Edit: June 06, 2014, 07:35:44 PM by green.and.blue »

NyaChan

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response
« Reply #1 on: June 02, 2014, 01:40:08 PM »
"Why did you so that?" And then if the answer was unsatisfactory, I'd ask him to delete while I was there. "I'm not comfortable with that, please delete the photo now"

Bijou

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response
« Reply #2 on: June 02, 2014, 01:47:50 PM »
I'm not sure I would find anything wrong with his taking your picture since you were both members of the wedding party.  He may have been getting singles of each person in the party.  But if you were not comfortable with it you certainly had the right to speak up and just ask him to delete it. 
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Celany

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response
« Reply #3 on: June 02, 2014, 03:02:03 PM »
Did you see if he was photoing other people for the wedding? I'm wondering if it was that sort of autopilot "must take photos of the event" mindset that some people get into (even with their not-so-great camera phones these days).

I might have just asked him what he was doing, but I think I'd also assume he's just taking some time every X minutes to snap another photo of the wedding/party for Facebook or something.
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Aquamarine

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response
« Reply #4 on: June 02, 2014, 05:04:53 PM »
It is weird because it's incredibly ill bred to do that to a person.  If you want a picture, you ask, you don't just whip out your phone, stick it in their face and take a photo of them.  There's nothing wrong with asking why he did that, to ask that it not go on FB, to ask for the picture to be deleted, or to express surprise that he thought that was an OK thing to do.

With so many photos automatically going online and being "tagged" this can be a security issue for some people.  Not everyone is cool with their photos being all over the internet for anyone to see.

Not cool.
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TurtleDove

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response
« Reply #5 on: June 02, 2014, 05:15:17 PM »
EHell, what would you have done or said?

For me this would not have registered on my radar in the slightest.  It wouldn't have bothered me at all.  This is why, if it did bother you, I think you should say something in the moment, in a friendly way.  I think some people might find it odd that you took issue with having your photo snapped, especially at a wedding where presumably the photographer was snapping photos of the wedding party (which included you), but if it does bother you I think you need to say something because it isn't a universal "that is inappropriate" behavior.

pearls n purls

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response
« Reply #6 on: June 02, 2014, 05:20:28 PM »
If he had said, "Smile for the camera" or similar and I saw him taking pictures of others, I wouldn't think anything of it. Just taking a picture like that would have made me uncomfortable. 

bah12

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response
« Reply #7 on: June 02, 2014, 05:34:23 PM »
I think it's weird.  Not so much that he took a picture of you, but that he pulled out his phone during a conversation and snapped a picture with no context.

If someone is taking pictures of several people, then there's context, but for a one on one conversation, I think a little "mind if I take your picture?" is warranted.

I would have said "did you just take my picture?  Why?" and then depending on the answer, moved on from there.

bansidhe

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response
« Reply #8 on: June 02, 2014, 05:39:41 PM »
It is weird because it's incredibly ill bred to do that to a person.  If you want a picture, you ask, you don't just whip out your phone, stick it in their face and take a photo of them. 

This. Who does that? I would definitely have asked him why he took the picture and what he planned to do with it.
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LifeOnPluto

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response
« Reply #9 on: June 02, 2014, 11:14:06 PM »
I think it's weird, and a bit rude. I'd have said "Oh, are you taking photos of everyone?"

If he'd said "No, just you," I would have asked him to delete the photo.

green.and.blue

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response
« Reply #10 on: June 03, 2014, 07:25:35 AM »
Did you see if he was photoing other people for the wedding? I'm wondering if it was that sort of autopilot "must take photos of the event" mindset that some people get into (even with their not-so-great camera phones these days).

I think it's weird.  Not so much that he took a picture of you, but that he pulled out his phone during a conversation and snapped a picture with no context.
If someone is taking pictures of several people, then there's context, but for a one on one conversation, I think a little "mind if I take your picture?" is warranted.

I think some people might find it odd that you took issue with having your photo snapped, especially at a wedding where presumably the photographer was snapping photos of the wedding party (which included you), but if it does bother you I think you need to say something because it isn't a universal "that is inappropriate" behavior.

He did not take pictures of anyone else. I did not see him with his camera/phone out at any other time except once to make a phone call. There were several others going snap-happy, which I didn't mind. I don't generally mind having my pics posted to Facebook or whatever, and certainly knew that my photo would be taken many times during the day. It was just this one time that felt weird. It is reassuring to hear that others would have felt okay speaking up. I think I must have looked surprised which is why he made the comment about 'just snapped your picture.' Anyway, if I'm ever in a situation that makes me uncomfortable like that, I just need to shine my spine in the moment rather than armchair quarterback about it later. Thanks!



Celany

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10
« Reply #11 on: June 03, 2014, 09:52:15 AM »
That definitely sounds weird then. And would be totally reasonable to speak up about & ask him to delete.
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auntmeegs

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10
« Reply #12 on: June 03, 2014, 12:13:14 PM »
My first thought was that he liked you and thought you were pretty so he took a photo of you. 

Texas Mom

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10
« Reply #13 on: June 03, 2014, 01:30:17 PM »
My first thought was that he liked you and thought you were pretty so he took a photo of you.

That was what I thought too.

Huh

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10
« Reply #14 on: June 03, 2014, 03:54:28 PM »
My first thought was that he liked you and thought you were pretty so he took a photo of you.

That was what I thought too.

That was what I thought as well. Possibly taking a photo to show a friend the hot girl he was chatting up at the wedding.