Author Topic: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16  (Read 8983 times)

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LifeOnPluto

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10
« Reply #15 on: June 03, 2014, 11:23:21 PM »
My first thought was that he liked you and thought you were pretty so he took a photo of you.

That was what I thought too.

That was what I thought as well. Possibly taking a photo to show a friend the hot girl he was chatting up at the wedding.

I suspect this is very likely...

green.and.blue

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10
« Reply #16 on: June 06, 2014, 07:35:21 PM »
My first thought was that he liked you and thought you were pretty so he took a photo of you.

That was what I thought too.

That was what I thought as well. Possibly taking a photo to show a friend the hot girl he was chatting up at the wedding.

I suspect this is very likely...

And... he's posted the pics on Facebooke. He had four pictures total: a selfie, two shots of the happy couple, and the one he took of me. Let's just say my dress was more low-cut than I would have normally worn and the pic of me is, um, overly flattering. But also we're both 35+ and married, so, yeah. We're not FB friends so he can't tag me and it's not a bad photo, just still a little weird.

JenJay

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10
« Reply #17 on: June 06, 2014, 07:45:10 PM »
My first thought was that he liked you and thought you were pretty so he took a photo of you.

That was what I thought too.

That was what I thought as well. Possibly taking a photo to show a friend the hot girl he was chatting up at the wedding.

I suspect this is very likely...

And... he's posted the pics on Facebooke. He had four pictures total: a selfie, two shots of the happy couple, and the one he took of me. Let's just say my dress was more low-cut than I would have normally worn and the pic of me is, um, overly flattering. But also we're both 35+ and married, so, yeah. We're not FB friends so he can't tag me and it's not a bad photo, just still a little weird.

I've tried like 5 times to respond and words fail me. I don't even know what to make of this. Is he a jerk? Am I a jerk for assuming he's a jerk? Is his wife going to think he's a jerk? Why'd he post the pic if you two aren't friends? There are too many questions!  :P

gramma dishes

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10
« Reply #18 on: June 06, 2014, 08:02:21 PM »




... But also we're both 35+ and married ...

...  Is his wife going to think he's a jerk? ...

Yeah, somehow I doubt if his wife is thinking that's an awesome photo her husband is now featuring on his phone and one of only four he took at the whole wedding!

green.and.blue

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10
« Reply #19 on: June 06, 2014, 09:36:25 PM »
Quote from: JenJay link=topic=133797.msg3162646#msg3162646 date=
Am I a jerk for assuming he's a jerk?
[/quote

Jen, you have hit the nail on the head with this. This is exactly how I'm feeling.

JenJay

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10
« Reply #20 on: June 06, 2014, 09:55:17 PM »
If it's making you uncomfortable your instincts are probably accurate. It would definitely make me uncomfortable. I'd probably ask him to remove it, either by posting a comment on the photo, or PM if that wasn't possible.

I'm trying to think of legit reasons for the whole scenario and I'm drawing blanks. It's not that I assume all guys are "dogs", it's that I know a great many who aren't and I can't picture them doing this. I mean, on the surface it's innocent enough. You're at a wedding, people are taking photos, the photos end up on Facebook. But factor in that you really didn't know him, he took your photo without asking, and he apparently didn't take (or at least didn't upload) any photos of any other guests? It's weird. I'm asking myself "Would I find it weird if the cleavage wasn't a factor?" and yes, I still would. The fact that you've been singled out makes it weird.

LifeOnPluto

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #21 on: June 07, 2014, 03:05:15 AM »
If he'd taken photos of all the wedding party, it wouldn't seem so weird. But the fact that he only took four in total makes me go  :o.

I also would like to know what his wife thinks of the photo!

aussie_chick

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #22 on: June 07, 2014, 07:49:55 AM »
I don't care how hot/attractive/lovely/nice he thought you were, taking someone's photo when you don't know them or have the kind of relationship with them where that would be ok is rude and way overstepping.
Regardless of Op's age or marital status, this behaviour is rude and disrespectful.

Aquamarine

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #23 on: June 07, 2014, 10:23:49 AM »
"Is he a jerk? Am I a jerk for assuming he's a jerk?"

If people act like jerks then it's probably safe to say people will think of them that way, after all, we are known by our actions.  You can think or judge people in whatever way you want to, it only enters into etiquette territory when it comes to how you interact with those people.  Your thoughts and feelings are your own and are no one's business unless you choose to share them.

If you think he's a jerk, then you think he's a jerk, that doesn't make you a jerk or anything else for having a certain judgement about a person based on his treatment of you.  There's nothing wrong with judging or assuming things in your own mind.
Always be polite, even to nasty people. Not because they are nice, but because you are.

JenJay

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #24 on: June 07, 2014, 02:37:31 PM »
"Is he a jerk? Am I a jerk for assuming he's a jerk?"

If people act like jerks then it's probably safe to say people will think of them that way, after all, we are known by our actions.  You can think or judge people in whatever way you want to, it only enters into etiquette territory when it comes to how you interact with those people.  Your thoughts and feelings are your own and are no one's business unless you choose to share them.

If you think he's a jerk, then you think he's a jerk, that doesn't make you a jerk or anything else for having a certain judgement about a person based on his treatment of you.  There's nothing wrong with judging or assuming things in your own mind.

I understand what you're saying, but personally I disagree. I try very hard not to make negative assumptions about people or their motives, even in my own mind. I live by the phrase "Never attribute to malice what can best be explained by ignorance", in other words don't assume someone was trying to be nasty when maybe they just didn't realize they were upsetting you. So yes, I do feel badly when my mind jumps to "What a jerk!" if there's a plausible explanation for whatever they've done, even if nobody else ever knows that's how I felt.

That said, in this situation, I can't think of any reasonable explanation for the guy taking the pic and uploading it to his FB page. That doesn't necessarily make him a jerk, but I am keeping an open mind about the possibility.  :P

AngelBarchild

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #25 on: June 07, 2014, 04:24:08 PM »
If he'd taken photos of all the wedding party, it wouldn't seem so weird. But the fact that he only took four in total makes me go  :o.

I also would like to know what his wife thinks of the photo!

Or maybe the guy just wasn't feeling particularity picture happy at the wedding, and figured one brides maid, one grooms man (himself) and two of the happy couple, was all he really needed. That is all the pictures my husband would consider necessary from someone else's wedding.

I can easily see the thought process.
"I/Wife/mom/whoever needs some pics, hmm here is me (because I am awesome) oh there is the couple, oh look I'm talking to a brides maid, there is another. Good enough, now where's the beer"



Venus193

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response
« Reply #26 on: June 07, 2014, 05:43:59 PM »
"Why did you so that?" And then if the answer was unsatisfactory, I'd ask him to delete while I was there. "I'm not comfortable with that, please delete the photo now"

I would have done this.  However, I am at a loss to recommend anything in the event of his refusal.

lollylegs

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #27 on: June 07, 2014, 05:49:36 PM »
If he'd taken photos of all the wedding party, it wouldn't seem so weird. But the fact that he only took four in total makes me go  :o.

I also would like to know what his wife thinks of the photo!

Or maybe the guy just wasn't feeling particularity picture happy at the wedding, and figured one brides maid, one grooms man (himself) and two of the happy couple, was all he really needed. That is all the pictures my husband would consider necessary from someone else's wedding.

I can easily see the thought process.
"I/Wife/mom/whoever needs some pics, hmm here is me (because I am awesome) oh there is the couple, oh look I'm talking to a brides maid, there is another. Good enough, now where's the beer"

Yes, let's not assume nefarious motivations where there might easily be none. If the OP was uncomfortable then she has a right to speak up, but I think this explanation is a lot more likely than he likes the OP, he wants to brag to his mates about chatting her up, or he's a jerk.

If my partner posted a photo if himself, a bridesmaid and the HC on his FB, it wouldn't even ping on my radar. It's very possible that his wife doesn't care.

Possum

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response
« Reply #28 on: June 07, 2014, 07:28:35 PM »
It is weird because it's incredibly ill bred to do that to a person.  If you want a picture, you ask, you don't just whip out your phone, stick it in their face and take a photo of them.
I'm part of a group of artist-types that meet weekly, and we're always bringing in new friends.  One new person, a photographer, brought his camera and decided to document the evening with photos.  I asked him to please not take my picture, he consented... And then tried to do it anyway. 

I asked him again and told him it was making me very uncomfortable, and the person who brought him backed me up, but he kept doing it anyway.  The room we were in was small so I'd positioned myself where he could get max pictures without having to dodge me, and yet he kept trying to frame things so I was in it.  I kept putting things in front of me, or moving, or something, to deter him.  I tried to be subtle and not make it a game, as to not encourage him.  (I also gave him a few dark looks.)

I was far from the youngest or most attractive person in the room, so it's not as though he was hot for me.  I can only conclude that he did what many people do: they take "please don't do that" as a challenge.

I made a polite excuse and left early.

The next time he announced he was coming, I did not attend.  (Few people attend every week.)

I was not disappointed when he never returned to the group.

I loathe this mindset that's crept into our culture where if someone thinks that if THEY wouldn't mind having their picture taken, no one else should mind having THEIR picture, either (and to heck with them if they do).

Venus193

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #29 on: June 07, 2014, 09:19:33 PM »
I suspect that this is another expression of bullying.  He was doing that specifically because you asked him not to take your picture.

This happened to me at a company Christmas party in 2003.  Someone from the creative department insisted on taking my picture despite my repeated "no" expressed in several different ways.  Finally I allowed her to take the picture but told her that it would greatly displease me if she posted it to the company website or any other place.

She didn't, but I wonder to this day what recourse I could have had if she had.

This sort of thing didn't happen much back in the days when photography was dependent on film.