Author Topic: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16  (Read 9060 times)

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Psychopoesie

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #30 on: June 07, 2014, 09:20:53 PM »
Being photographed makes me feel uncomfortable. So this would have really bugged me. Even when I say yes, it doesn't mean I want the photo posted all over the Internet. Some people don't get it, even when they're told.

A guy I was going out with took my pic (with permission) but I'd told him I didn't want any pics on social media. And why. He seemed to get it.

I probably would have missed him posting it on his twitter account because the message seemed to have nothing to do with the pic. However, I went to look for a photo he'd posted earlier and was really startled to see myself there. To his credit, he did take the pic down. Didn't apologise or explain though. It left me feeling like I couldn't really trust him.

Possum

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #31 on: June 07, 2014, 09:53:54 PM »
I don't know if it was bullying in this case, but usually it's people just wanting what they've been asked not to take.  They think they're being clever if they can sneak you in the shot.  Extra points if they can manage to get it online and tag you in it!  Never mind you have reasons for not wanting that to happen, reasons you do not owe them to explain.

I do have one friend I need to figure something out with, though.  He simply has forgotten my aversion, and after every convention, I wind up tagged in a photo.  He's a gentleman in every way, I KNOW he's not doing it on purpose, but I feel so awkward asking him to leave me out of the pictures. 

greencat

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #32 on: June 08, 2014, 12:10:34 AM »
If you can see the photo on Facebook, you have the option to "Report" the picture, and one of the options you can give as a reason for reporting is that the photo is of you and you didn't give permission to be photographed/have the photo posted/just don't like the photo.

Venus193

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #33 on: June 08, 2014, 05:32:22 AM »
I don't know if it was bullying in this case, but usually it's people just wanting what they've been asked not to take.  They think they're being clever if they can sneak you in the shot.  Extra points if they can manage to get it online and tag you in it! Never mind you have reasons for not wanting that to happen, reasons you do not owe them to explain.

I do have one friend I need to figure something out with, though.  He simply has forgotten my aversion, and after every convention, I wind up tagged in a photo.  He's a gentleman in every way, I KNOW he's not doing it on purpose, but I feel so awkward asking him to leave me out of the pictures.

Which fits the definition.

Remind your friend the next time you see him.  It is not gentlemanly behavior to repeatedly ignore your wishes about this.


TurtleDove

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #34 on: June 08, 2014, 07:27:45 AM »
I think "bullying" is overused. I think a lot of people don't grasp the aversion to being photographed. I am one of them. I read that people don't want to be photographed, but to my knowledge no one I would ever take a photo of feels this way. I would honor their wishes to not be photographed if they asked me....but I wouldn't "get it." To me, being photographed is a sign that person or memory is important to me.  I would assume the guy in the OP feels the same way. If the OP asked him not to take her photo he should have respected that. But I suspect he in no way intended to "bully" her.

Venus193

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #35 on: June 08, 2014, 07:54:46 AM »
A person may not like the way s/he looks or may make a poor photography subject no matter what they look like.  Others may not like the idea of photos of themselves being in the possession of others or in the view of strangers.

Or maybe they're in the Witness Protection Program.

No matter the reason, nobody should have to justify it.  A simple "no photos, please" should be enough.

TurtleDove

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #36 on: June 08, 2014, 08:02:19 AM »
"No matter the reason, nobody should have to justify it.  A simple "no photos, please" should be enough."

I agree - if asked to not be photographed that should be respected. But at least some people will find the request odd or not understand. To me it is counterintuitive because I see photographs as important and signs of affection or importance to the photographer.

green.and.blue

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #37 on: June 08, 2014, 10:08:22 AM »
Or maybe the guy just wasn't feeling particularity picture happy at the wedding, and figured one brides maid, one grooms man (himself) and two of the happy couple, was all he really needed. That is all the pictures my husband would consider necessary from someone else's wedding.

I can easily see the thought process.
"I/Wife/mom/whoever needs some pics, hmm here is me (because I am awesome) oh there is the couple, oh look I'm talking to a brides maid, there is another. Good enough, now where's the beer"

Thanks, Angel, for arriving at a not-jerk explanation that maybe I can believe. I was trying not to think anything bad about this guy who is obviously close to my friends.


To me it is counterintuitive because I see photographs as important and signs of affection or importance to the photographer.

But this is why it made me feel uncomfortable - this is how I view photographs as well. I would not have minded if the bridesmaids (who I had come to know with the shower and such) had taken an individual shot of me. Or if the best man had taken a general group photo that I was in, or a pic of me and someone he was close to - but he and I have no standing with each other, so there should be no affection/importance.

I'm going for clueless, because it makes me more comfortable to believe.

Venus193

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #38 on: June 08, 2014, 11:12:19 AM »
"No matter the reason, nobody should have to justify it.  A simple "no photos, please" should be enough."

I agree - if asked to not be photographed that should be respected. But at least some people will find the request odd or not understand. To me it is counterintuitive because I see photographs as important and signs of affection or importance to the photographer.

In which case, why have they not said so?  If asked I will give my answer and I expect it to be respected.

lollylegs

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #39 on: June 08, 2014, 08:10:22 PM »
A person may not like the way s/he looks or may make a poor photography subject no matter what they look like.  Others may not like the idea of photos of themselves being in the possession of others or in the view of strangers.

Or maybe they're in the Witness Protection Program.

No matter the reason, nobody should have to justify it.  A simple "no photos, please" should be enough.

But it doesn't sound like the OP said, 'No photos please.'

Like Turtle Dove, I don't 'get' that some people don't want to be photographed. In fact, until I joined Ehell it never even occurred to me to ask before taking someone's photograph. If they had asked me to stop or delete the photo I would have complied - if they'd accused me of bullying I would have thought they were being ridiculous. I just didn't know.

You're absolutely right. 'No photos please' is all someone needs to say. But if that someone doesn't say that, it's unfair to accuse the photo taker of shady motives.

Promise

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #40 on: June 08, 2014, 09:34:02 PM »
Maybe he liked you? Maybe he's a little shy and he wanted a pic of only you which he would not get with the group photos. It's my guess. Granted, it's unusual, but think about how many pictures you are in that you aren't aware of from the guests.

LeveeWoman

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #41 on: June 08, 2014, 09:49:11 PM »
Maybe he liked you? Maybe he's a little shy and he wanted a pic of only you which he would not get with the group photos. It's my guess. Granted, it's unusual, but think about how many pictures you are in that you aren't aware of from the guests.

I hope not because they're both married.

artk2002

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #42 on: June 09, 2014, 10:12:39 AM »
Maybe he liked you? Maybe he's a little shy and he wanted a pic of only you which he would not get with the group photos. It's my guess. Granted, it's unusual, but think about how many pictures you are in that you aren't aware of from the guests.

Having a "sweet" motivation doesn't make the act any less creepy or inappropriate. Not doing something intentionally doesn't mean he's not a "jerk."
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

Psychopoesie

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #43 on: June 09, 2014, 10:25:14 AM »
Maybe he liked you? Maybe he's a little shy and he wanted a pic of only you which he would not get with the group photos. It's my guess. Granted, it's unusual, but think about how many pictures you are in that you aren't aware of from the guests.

Having a "sweet" motivation doesn't make the act any less creepy or inappropriate. Not doing something intentionally doesn't mean he's not a "jerk."

POD.

bloo

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #44 on: June 09, 2014, 11:56:47 AM »
"No matter the reason, nobody should have to justify it.  A simple "no photos, please" should be enough."

I agree - if asked to not be photographed that should be respected. But at least some people will find the request odd or not understand. To me it is counterintuitive because I see photographs as important and signs of affection or importance to the photographer.

I understand what you're saying but I can live with someone thinking I'm odd. If someone doesn't understand and wants to understand - depending on time/level of closeness - I might try to explain but if not, people need to respect that 'no' is a complete sentence and they don't always get to have what they want simply because they can't understand something.

A person may not like the way s/he looks or may make a poor photography subject no matter what they look like.  Others may not like the idea of photos of themselves being in the possession of others or in the view of strangers.

Or maybe they're in the Witness Protection Program.

No matter the reason, nobody should have to justify it.  A simple "no photos, please" should be enough.
-snip -

You're absolutely right. 'No photos please' is all someone needs to say. But if that someone doesn't say that, it's unfair to accuse the photo taker of shady motives.

I would agree in theory except that since I believe one should *ask permission before taking photos * that it's not incumbent to say the words 'no photos, please' first.

But if multiple persons are involved then in certain situations one may have to say the words 'no photos, please' or step out of the way of the photographer as that may be the only way to avoid being in a picture.