Author Topic: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16  (Read 9125 times)

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Venus193

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #45 on: June 09, 2014, 01:04:01 PM »
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But if multiple persons are involved then in certain situations one may have to say the words 'no photos, please' or step out of the way of the photographer as that may be the only way to avoid being in a picture.

Been there; done that.  It should not be necessary.

At the office party mentioned previously I tried this.  It didn't shake her.  She wouldn't have given me any peace had I kept on trying.

Again, I was fortunate that she didn't upload the photo to the website or even put it on the server.  I don't know what I could have done if she had.

bloo

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #46 on: June 09, 2014, 01:13:58 PM »
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But if multiple persons are involved then in certain situations one may have to say the words 'no photos, please' or step out of the way of the photographer as that may be the only way to avoid being in a picture.

Been there; done that.  It should not be necessary.

At the office party mentioned previously I tried this.  It didn't shake her.  She wouldn't have given me any peace had I kept on trying.

Again, I was fortunate that she didn't upload the photo to the website or even put it on the server.  I don't know what I could have done if she had.

And that's why I can understand PP's describing such as 'bullying behavior'. It is certainly incredibly disrespectful.

As far as what you would have done if she uploaded the photo, it would depend on the level of discomfort I would be willing to feel at a) going along with it to not make waves (upset but resigned to it) or b) not going along with it + willing to be looked at as 'odd' or a 'spoilsport' or 'not a team player' at work.

Both options sound lousy. Which is why simply respecting someone's wishes, even if we don't agree with or understand them is so important.

TurtleDove

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #47 on: June 09, 2014, 02:53:58 PM »
For many people, having a head shot on a website for their company is the norm. I grasp Venus felt bullied and her situation sounds different, but I don't think taking and posting photos is bullying in general. I often look up colleagues, opposing counsel, other work related people by finding their bio and headshot on the internet.

Sophia

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #48 on: June 09, 2014, 03:06:31 PM »
The update is weird.  I would have thought for sure that you were both young and he was interested in dating you.  That the plan had been for him to add your photo in the listing for you on his phone. 
But 35+ and both married?   Socially clueless is my next guess. 

Tea Drinker

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #49 on: June 09, 2014, 04:13:36 PM »
For many people, having a head shot on a website for their company is the norm. I grasp Venus felt bullied and her situation sounds different, but I don't think taking and posting photos is bullying in general. I often look up colleagues, opposing counsel, other work related people by finding their bio and headshot on the internet.

Sure, but if I was working at a place that did that, I'd expect them to either ask me to supply a headshot, or to come in and have one taken. Not randomly at an event where I might not feel that I was looking my best for some reason, or it turned out later there was a bit of basil in my teeth. (This is less of an issue than it used to be, with current cameras, but the one absolute necessity for a decent photo of me is that no flash be used. With a flash, I either have my eyes closed, or I am visibly uncomfortable.)

That said, there are people with reasons for not being photographed that go beyond "I don't like it" or "I never like the way I look in photos." (I know someone who has made serious efforts to make sure that her abusive family-of-origin don't know where she is; that kind of motivation is, unfortunately, not unique.) Nobody should have to explain to every coworker and random acquaintance at a party why they don't want to be photographed; I think this falls under "'No' is a complete sentence."

It also occurs to me that for many decades, photographers were perfectly happy to take the time to tell people "say cheese!" or "Now, I want everyone to sit on that side of the table": asking "May I take your picture?" doesn't take any longer.
Any advice that requires the use of a time machine may safely be ignored.

TurtleDove

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #50 on: June 09, 2014, 05:11:01 PM »
To clarify, I agree "no photos please" should be enough.  I was addressing whether taking a photo without this being asked is bullying.  I don't think it is.

bloo

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #51 on: June 09, 2014, 05:17:57 PM »
To clarify, I agree "no photos please" should be enough.  I was addressing whether taking a photo without this being asked is bullying.  I don't think it is.

Strictly speaking, I agree. Taking a photo without asking permission from your subject is, IMO, rude, but not bullying. Easily fixed with a quick apology and an offer to hit the delete button if the subject protests.

What has been described by some posters is what I call 'browbeating' or 'badgering'. Which may be bullying but is not always bullying.


shortstuff

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #52 on: June 09, 2014, 09:40:12 PM »
"No matter the reason, nobody should have to justify it.  A simple "no photos, please" should be enough."

I agree - if asked to not be photographed that should be respected. But at least some people will find the request odd or not understand. To me it is counterintuitive because I see photographs as important and signs of affection or importance to the photographer.

I understand what you're saying but I can live with someone thinking I'm odd. If someone doesn't understand and wants to understand - depending on time/level of closeness - I might try to explain but if not, people need to respect that 'no' is a complete sentence and they don't always get to have what they want simply because they can't understand something.

A person may not like the way s/he looks or may make a poor photography subject no matter what they look like.  Others may not like the idea of photos of themselves being in the possession of others or in the view of strangers.

Or maybe they're in the Witness Protection Program.

No matter the reason, nobody should have to justify it.  A simple "no photos, please" should be enough.
-snip -

You're absolutely right. 'No photos please' is all someone needs to say. But if that someone doesn't say that, it's unfair to accuse the photo taker of shady motives.

I would agree in theory except that since I believe one should *ask permission before taking photos * that it's not incumbent to say the words 'no photos, please' first.

But if multiple persons are involved then in certain situations one may have to say the words 'no photos, please' or step out of the way of the photographer as that may be the only way to avoid being in a picture.

POD!!! 

Except for the time around the introduction of digital cameras when I was in high school, and we goofed around with the novel idea of taking as many pictures as we wanted - yay!]/i] I absolutely always announced a photo, or called attention to it in order to get a good photo.  Telling someone to say cheese a) let your subject know you were going to take a picture and b) gave them the choice of posing/smiling, or declining your offer. 

And what confuses me about the OP's situation even more is that is was mid-conversation, so there's a chance the guy would have caught a very unflattering photo of her mid-speech or blurry or something.  I might give some slack if he caught her in a natural setting, like staring off in the distance or something, where asking permission would have ruined the desired shot. 

To shake things up a bit, does everyone know the photographers at amusement parks, who ask to take photos of your family in order to sell them back to you at exorbitant rates?  I don't imagine the forum would condone those employees taking candid photos of every single person before even giving them the chance to decline.  We'd think it a pushy marketing practice, invading the privacy of kids, or something. 

Venus193

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #53 on: June 09, 2014, 09:56:09 PM »
Pre-digital it wasn't affordable for most people to just take a zillion photos and discard all but the best ones.  The ease and cost-efficiency of digital photography probably lets many people think that all the rules are out the window.

As to the notion that a person who doesn't want to be photographed is "odd," I don't care who thinks so.  That is a personal matter and one's choices should be respected.

aussie_chick

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #54 on: June 09, 2014, 10:07:38 PM »
Maybe he liked you? Maybe he's a little shy and he wanted a pic of only you which he would not get with the group photos. It's my guess. Granted, it's unusual, but think about how many pictures you are in that you aren't aware of from the guests.

Having a "sweet" motivation doesn't make the act any less creepy or inappropriate. Not doing something intentionally doesn't mean he's not a "jerk."

POD.

POD here too.
Andi think it's rude to post a photo of an individual on Facebook without their prior knowledge and consent. This wasn't a photo with Op in the background or as part of a group - this was specifically of Op and clueless of weird or malicious doesnt matter. Photographer's needs and wants in this situation are irrelevant

Possum

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #55 on: June 11, 2014, 03:55:35 AM »
Maybe he liked you? Maybe he's a little shy and he wanted a pic of only you which he would not get with the group photos. It's my guess. Granted, it's unusual, but think about how many pictures you are in that you aren't aware of from the guests.
It's not an unusual guess, it's actually probably spot on.  However, the polite thing for him to do would be to say, "Is it okay if I take your picture?" 

lollylegs

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #56 on: June 11, 2014, 07:07:24 AM »
A person may not like the way s/he looks or may make a poor photography subject no matter what they look like.  Others may not like the idea of photos of themselves being in the possession of others or in the view of strangers.

Or maybe they're in the Witness Protection Program.

No matter the reason, nobody should have to justify it.  A simple "no photos, please" should be enough.
-snip -

You're absolutely right. 'No photos please' is all someone needs to say. But if that someone doesn't say that, it's unfair to accuse the photo taker of shady motives.

I would agree in theory except that since I believe one should *ask permission before taking photos * that it's not incumbent to say the words 'no photos, please' first.

But if multiple persons are involved then in certain situations one may have to say the words 'no photos, please' or step out of the way of the photographer as that may be the only way to avoid being in a picture.

And as I said, some people just honestly don't know that other people don't like having their photograph taken.

bloo

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Re: Photographed, and not sure about response, more #10, update #16
« Reply #57 on: June 11, 2014, 07:13:27 AM »
And as I said, some people just honestly don't know that other people don't like having their photograph taken.

Right, I totally get that. But through this site or through a general level of respect for another human being I would hope that it would be something people learn. It's better, IMO, to ask before snapping a pic because you never know who would mind.