Author Topic: Everything I learned about life ... I learned from E-Hell  (Read 2127 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

heartmug

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2383
Re: Everything I learned about life ... I learned from E-Hell
« Reply #15 on: June 04, 2014, 01:36:54 PM »
"No is a complete sentence" has been a lifesaver for me.

Nosey Nellie at my work just has to know everything about everyone.  Think Gossip Queen.  So I will get questions like "I noticed you left one hour early yesterday.  Why?"  I will reply something like "It's personal, but my boss approved it."  I used to feel like not giving her an answer she is looking for was rude.  I am free from that!
One option in a tug of war with someone is just to drop the rope.

Shalamar

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1327
Re: Everything I learned about life ... I learned from E-Hell
« Reply #16 on: June 04, 2014, 01:46:24 PM »
Re "I have plans" is a complete sentence - I used this one on my MIL once, long before I'd even heard of EHell.  Backstory:  this was on Christmas Day, and she'd announced that she'd be hosting Boxing Day at her house.  The expectation was that we'd all come.  Thing is, my husband and I got very weary of spending Christmas Day AND Boxing Day with his family - it just seemed a bit much. 

So, I said "Sorry, we won't be able to make it - we have plans."  She glared at me and barked "WHAT plans?"  I thought "You want to dance?  Let's dance."  So, with a gleam in my eye, I said "Getting to the mall early to find the good sales, coming home, changing into pyjamas and ordering Chinese food."

You could've heard a pin drop.  It was ... glorious.

magicdomino

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4861
Re: Everything I learned about life ... I learned from E-Hell
« Reply #17 on: June 04, 2014, 01:48:57 PM »
I learned to say Crud Monkeys and bacon-fed knave.    :D

Amara

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2409
Re: Everything I learned about life ... I learned from E-Hell
« Reply #18 on: June 04, 2014, 01:58:49 PM »
This is a fantastic thread. I have learned so much here! Not just how to say "no" as a complete sentence, nor just how to avoid JADEing" with anyone, or not just even how to establish firm but polite boundaries. I think I have learned a whole new way of living!

That's not to say I don't fail now and again. On Monday my co-irker (or thorn-in-my-side nasty PA co-worker) sent me into a fit of rage that stayed within. Unfortunately, I was still seething later a couple of hours later when I went home, but at least I didn't go to bed angry that night. I was able to let it go and to find something to help me out in the future--as this is surely not the last time she will get on my nerves.

So, thank you not just Jeanne but to everyone here for phrases, words, understandings, polite procedures and processes, and most of all, new perspectives and expanded ways of thinking. 

AfleetAlex

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 529
  • Proud cat mom and Auntie
Re: Everything I learned about life ... I learned from E-Hell
« Reply #19 on: June 04, 2014, 02:06:07 PM »
I have often wished I had had E-Hell 25 years ago when I was more often dealing with difficult people, but I still always keep in mind the things I've learned here. 'Don't JADE' is one of the ones I've had to really focus on because I over-explain. (Age has also helped. I find I put up less with silliness than I used to, and E-Hell helps me keep a firm spine AND a polite mouth!)

One really nice thing about this site is how often I've said to myself, "Oh, I'm so glad somebody else thinks like that/has that habit/sees things that way...it's not just me!" and then I don't feel alone!

I also have to keep myself from using 'POD!' on other websites.  ;D
I have a chronic case of foot-in-mouth disease.

Hurricane Marathon

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1627
Re: Everything I learned about life ... I learned from E-Hell
« Reply #20 on: June 04, 2014, 02:41:18 PM »
"Don't engage the crazy" is probably the one I've used the most.

I've also learned not to get all bent outta shape about perceived "rudeness" - I read some of the posts on here and think "Really? You're upset about THAT?"  I take MUCH more in stride than I used to. Some instances are just not worth giving brain time to.

siamesecat2965

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8954
Re: Everything I learned about life ... I learned from E-Hell
« Reply #21 on: June 04, 2014, 03:13:28 PM »
the only downside to learning to not to JADE is that i work with, and know many people who DO do it, and it really irks me when I hear them doing it! It drives me batty to have to listen to a CW on the phone, explaining why she can't do this or that, time, money, anything else. My one boss is the biggest offender. i just want to yell at all of them "no one cares! just say you can't do it, and be done with it!" but i don't.

jayhawk

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1185
    • my organizing website
Re: Everything I learned about life ... I learned from E-Hell
« Reply #22 on: June 04, 2014, 05:47:35 PM »
All of the above and most recently that there are no magic words and if someone is upset, it's not always my job to make it right. "She can get over it or die mad." I explained that to my 15 yo DD a couple of weeks ago when she was talking about some school drama. I could almost see the light bulb turn on over her head.

Editeer

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 306
Re: Everything I learned about life ... I learned from E-Hell
« Reply #23 on: June 04, 2014, 06:38:34 PM »
There are lots of individual things I've learned. But the main idea that covers them all is that no matter what happens in my life and I have no clue about what to do to resolve it, there is more than one person here who has not only lived in the problem but has found a way to overcome and to come out ahead of it a better person. And is willing to explain and discuss options.

Yes!

Also: it is not rude to say "no". It is not rude to refuse someone something that they want. It is not rude to avoid getting dragged into someone's drama. Being "nice" is not the same as being polite--you can be perfectly polite and pleasant while saying "no." If they are unhappy (because you said no), you don't have to fix it.

"I'm afraid that won't be possible." (This saved me at work when I was being badgered to death with impossible demands.)

And Crud Monkeys, of course!

PastryGoddess

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5221
    • My Image Portfolio and Store
Re: Everything I learned about life ... I learned from E-Hell
« Reply #24 on: June 04, 2014, 08:38:51 PM »
For me it's get over it or die mad and "I'm afraid that won't be possible".

veronaz

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2225
Re: Everything I learned about life ... I learned from E-Hell
« Reply #25 on: June 04, 2014, 08:51:22 PM »
I canít say that ďEverything I learned from life I learned from ehellĒÖ..thatís taking things way too far.  (The site has only existed for about 8 yrs +/-)  There are many life lessons one learns from books, movies, other people, school, observation, and just living life itself for decades.

I do like the term JADEing.  And Iíve picked up some cool household tips.

It's always good to get other opinions and perspectives.

One thing that has been reinforced is that people often donít really want a solution.  They want to be told they are right, even when they know what they did was okay they need to come here for validation and when they donít get it, they often donít take it well.  They often refuse to face that they are the problem or at least contributing to it.  Or they modify the advice/feedback to suit their needs.

Another thing that has been reinforced is that many people live in fear that someone will get mad at them, that someone wonít like them if they complain or mildly confront or face a problem head on.  Or theyíre actually afraid of someone.  So they dodge the issue, smile, and just put up with mistreatment.  Or, they continue to JADE.  Thatís sad.

But to counter that, Iíve seen some stories where people put on their grown up pants, learn to say ďnoĒ, walk away, and develop a spine.  And thatís a good thing.

Redneck Gravy

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2779
Re: Everything I learned about life ... I learned from E-Hell
« Reply #26 on: June 05, 2014, 09:24:16 AM »
For me it's get over it or die mad and "I'm afraid that won't be possible".

Yes, to the get over it or die mad...

green.and.blue

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 90
Re: Everything I learned about life ... I learned from E-Hell
« Reply #27 on: June 05, 2014, 11:36:36 AM »
there are no magic words

Still very much working on this, but I'm noticing that most of the things I want to post here come down to this. Making me reevaluate what it is that I'm hoping with happen with the elusive 'magic words' I'm asking for and why.

123sandy

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 548
Re: Everything I learned about life ... I learned from E-Hell
« Reply #28 on: June 05, 2014, 12:18:10 PM »
I've learned I'll probably never have a shiny spine...

Just when you thought you'd heard it all, someone will post a story that will make your head spin...

Some people will always jump to the worst possible conclusion.

siamesecat2965

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8954
Re: Everything I learned about life ... I learned from E-Hell
« Reply #29 on: June 05, 2014, 01:26:49 PM »
Re "I have plans" is a complete sentence - 

 

This is my standard pharse. I use it mainly for my second job. last year, they "mistakenly" or so they said, didn't schedule me for Black Friday. I figured something was up, but didn't say anything. They knew I was available, so maybe just maybe they didnt need me. Nope. 2 weeks before they said oh sorry, we messed up, and need you to work. I then pulled out the I'm sorry I have plans phrase.  They werne't happy but hey, I work two jobs, have very little free time, and as I've explained to them over and over, when the schedule comes out, my free time is then scheduled.

they weren't too happy but couldn't do a thing about it.