Author Topic: Insincere offers  (Read 3116 times)

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missmolly

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Insincere offers
« on: June 05, 2014, 01:03:15 AM »
I was having coffee with a relative, Julie. We were discussing her brother Dan's issues. Dan is bipolar and an alcoholic. On his good days he's a generous, kind person, but on his bad days, he's horrid. Apparently two of his neighbours have a restraining order against him after he drunkenly yelled at them. Julie told me that he had lost his job and was going to sell his house. Julie, Dan and their other siblings jointly own their mother's house up in the country, where their sister Allison still lives. Theoretically, Dan could move up there. However, Dan wants to stay around Ourcity where friends live. So Julie told him that they could build a granny flat on her property and live there.

Me: Uhhhhhhhh, would your husband and kids be ok with that? I mean, he wouldn't be an easy person to live near.
Julie: Oh, I didn't really mean that. He's not going to say yes, he's too proud.

I held my tongue, but should I have said "Well why offer if you don't mean to go through with it"? And he may very well take her up, if his situation gets any more desperate.
« Last Edit: June 05, 2014, 01:41:43 AM by missmolly »
"Any idiot can face a crisis, it is this day-to-day living that wears you out". Chekhov.

shhh its me

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Re: Insincere offers
« Reply #1 on: June 05, 2014, 01:34:43 AM »
Gads.  Nothing like being homeless and finding out your sister had no intention of actually letting you move in.

sweetonsno

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Re: Insincere offers
« Reply #2 on: June 05, 2014, 01:48:45 AM »

I held my tongue, but should I have said "Well why offer if you don't mean to go through with it"? And he may very well take her up, if his situation gets any more desperate.


Of course, everything depends upon your relationship with Julie, but I probably wouldn't have said the bolded. Instead, I would have phrased your last sentence as a question: "What will you do if he gets desperate and wants to take you up on your offer?"

Aquamarine

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Re: Insincere offers
« Reply #3 on: June 05, 2014, 09:48:08 AM »
So the sister wants to get faux goody points for offering to be kind to her brother with no intention of actually going through with the offer?  The sister is not a nice person and I would marginalize her in my life, no one needs "friends" that treat people this way.  Good people don't make offers they are not willing to honor, a bait and switch of kindness if you will.

Nice, kind, good, moral people do not treat others this way.  It's like throwing someone a lifeline and then saying "oops, my bad" and pulling it back out of reach.  This is honestly one of the cruelest, most manipulative things I have heard of in a long, long time.

I would rather have no people in my life than people like this.

Edited to Add:  Is it wrong for me to hope the brother eagerly accepts his sister's "offer"  just to have her be put in a very awkward position of her own creation?  I would like to see her really be put on the spot for this, but not for the brother to discover just how shallow and insincere his sister truly is.
« Last Edit: June 05, 2014, 10:28:56 AM by Rosewater »
Always be polite, even to nasty people. Not because they are nice, but because you are.

bloo

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Re: Insincere offers
« Reply #4 on: June 05, 2014, 09:53:31 AM »
Obviously you can't really do anything about the train wreck that may occur should Dan decide he's not too proud to take Julie up on her 'offer', but now you have an interesting insight into Julie's character. Tread a little carefully now that you now she can be this insincere.

veronaz

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Re: Insincere offers
« Reply #5 on: June 05, 2014, 10:01:01 AM »
Quote
should I have said "Well why offer if you don't mean to go through with it"?

Yes.

And POD what Rosewater said.

quietgirl

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Re: Insincere offers
« Reply #6 on: June 05, 2014, 10:05:16 AM »
There's a big difference between, "We should have lunch some time" and "You should move in".  Eeks! 


Sophia

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Re: Insincere offers
« Reply #7 on: June 05, 2014, 10:22:41 AM »
Even the "We should have lunch some time" annoys me. 
How is someone supposed to know when it is sincere and when it is a brush-off? 

I don't make insincere offers, and I don't ask questions unless I want to know the answer. 

rose red

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Re: Insincere offers
« Reply #8 on: June 05, 2014, 11:11:28 AM »
I can smell an insincere offer a mile away and usually play the game. But if I'm desperate enough (like being homeless), I will take you up on it even knowing you really don't want me!

Celany

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Re: Insincere offers
« Reply #9 on: June 05, 2014, 11:48:20 AM »
I would rather have no people in my life than people like this.

POD.

Also, I would make a mental note to *never* ask Julie for anything, and if she ever offers to help me with something, not take her up on it.

That said, in my life, when people offer to help me with something, I take it at face value and accept the help, if I need it. Whenever I've found myself dealing with one of those people (with the exception of my mom, who is a special case), I take that as a sign to slowly fade out the friendship. Life is too short to spend my time figuring out if an offer is genuine and/or play some weird song & dance involving offering things without really meaning to go through with them.

As a side note, my mom does this. Because "it's polite to offer to help, but people should know that it isn't really meant, it's just the ritual of offering & turning down that's important"  >:(
I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. ~ Hippolyte Taine

shhh its me

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Re: Insincere offers
« Reply #10 on: June 05, 2014, 01:44:47 PM »
Even the "We should have lunch some time" annoys me. 
How is someone supposed to know when it is sincere and when it is a brush-off? 

I don't make insincere offers, and I don't ask questions unless I want to know the answer.

I don't like it but I think its forgivable ...Sometime is vague and even if 110% sincere requires "availability to be confirmed."