Etiquette School is in session! > "I'm afraid that won't be possible."

DH exercised his shiny spine today.

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DH can at times be a pushover, and he can be conflict avoider.  However - this was a really good example of his spine. 

We are visiting a vacation area in the south this summer - and its a 12 - 14 hour drive.  Since we haven't seen my parents since T-Day ( they are reluctant to travel up our way - for a whole lot of nonsensical reasons ) we decided to take a few days off our trip and drive to see them.  The trip to their house from our vacation area is 4 hours and then we have a 10 hour drive home from their house.  ( Its sort of a U shaped driving trip ).

my Mom called to confirm the dates and was very insistent that they were firm, which seemed odd. They really don't travel in the summer - because of their garden ( don't ask ) .  She then proceeded to tell me that she wanted to see if she could get a family reunion lined up with her siblings - etc and wanted us to attend.  Now I haven't seen those folks in a long time - DH and the boys have never met them. I asked Mom where this reunion would be and she named a state park. I said to her - anyway we could have it at your house ? - we will have been driving a lot and are only here for 3 days and hate to spend another day driving ( we used to do this all the time growing up and I of course would help set up etc. ) . She said Oh no - this park is very close drive , nothing to worry about.  So based on that I agreed. DH and the boys were not thrilled with meeting a bunch of long lost relatives - although I would like to see them.

Well - its close to a 3 hour drive to this park- one way. Seriously.  ( FYI - Mom lives within a 90 radius of everyone - but some of the family members like to go and camp at this park ). 

DH and I called her the next day and said, it isn't going to work for us to drive 4 hours - out of our way from vacation - to turn around and make a 6 hour round trip in one day and then leave the next day for a 10 hour trip home.  She kept saying that my niece ( 13  )really wanted to have this reunion and meet all these relatives.  We explained to her that yes, we'd like to see them too - but there are parks and other places that are within an hours drive away.

She also expressed great sadness that some of her siblings had never met the boys, I also reminded her that when we would come to visit - no one would come visit us ( well my favorite aunt and uncle always did  but they passed on the last 2 years ).

DH was very firm, told my mother it would not be possible. She then said  well we are going to go anyway ( thinking that she would force us into it once we were there ).  DH calmly said - OK - good to know  - we will spend extra days at vacation area and not stop by for a long weekend - since there is no point if you won't be there.

My mother pulls this stuff quite a bit - when she wants something its all about her.  I was proud of DH ( I asked him to hanlde it so I wouldn't get angry with my mother ).

My Dad did call us later and said he thought the whole reunion thing was not a great idea - but she could not be persuaded. he said he wasn't going  - so he'd spend the day with DH and the boys fishing and I could go out with some old friends.

We did JADE a bit - but sometimes you need this with family. Also I know we initially agreed - but it was based on Mom telling a lie about the driving time

Good for you!  That was bait and switch at its finest, and you didn't succumb!  Good job...

Wow, good work on both of your parts!

I'm really sorry your mom did this. I'd be pretty upset if I hadn't seen my parents in 6+ months and when I made plans to go visit them, one of them turned around and made other plans to be gone. I bet she thinks once you're there and see her loading up the car you'll feel bad and "make" your DH go. She's in for a long, lonely, disappointing trip!  :-\

How nice to see when a couple aligns themselves with each other to defend their immediate family's best interests!

You say your mom does this kind of thing quite a bit. Well, consider this the first lesson in training her to behave!  >:D


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