I don't know what's going on and I need some advice

[smarterthanu213]

Ok, I very briefly dated a guy when I was 14 and he was 18, our families pushed us together. We found out pretty quick it wasn't working out, I thought he was a little creepy, and he wasn't interested in someone who wasn't interested in the birds and the bees.

So we've seen each other a couple times at church since, he apologized once for being an a-hole, in his words. So a couple weeks ago we started talking online--you know, how have you been, what have you been up to, etc. I told him about Jeff and us planning to get married after awhile, he told me about his girlfriend that he wants to marry. We were having these nice, intellectual conversations--he wants to move to Japan and cure cancer, and so for awhile it was nice to have those conversations with him. Jeff knew that I was talking to him and didn't have a problem with it.

So for the last couple days, this guy has been calling me every day and emailing 2-3 times a day. Then today he texted me and said he wanted to call me later after his girlfriend was asleep. That reeked of creepiness to me and now I'm really confused. I thought we could just chat online and be friendly, but apparently now he wants to chat online and hang out occasionally. And I'm getting creepy vibes from him. I really can't explain it and I don't know what's going on. Can someone please tell me if I'm overreacting and/or what I should do about him? (Jeff offered to move back here and be my bodyguard, but I don't think that that's the best solution right now. )

[Shores]

If you're creeped out, stop talking to him. Delete his texts, ignore his emails, pretend you never met back up with him. That's the best solution.

[smarterthanu213]

But I don't know whether I'm being irrationally creeped out or my inner creepiness radar is going of. Sometimes I can't tell the difference.

[Sibby]

Maybe try pointing out his requests (calling you after girlfriend is asleep) are innapropriate, something like "um, yeah, actually why wait for to her to be asleep?  That seems kinda weird to me," and maybe throw in a more & more comments about Jeff "So Jeff & I were talking the other day and an interesting topic came up..." or "Jeff & I saw a great movie last weekend"

And defiantely slow down the communication, once or twice a month seems like more then enough conversations for causal friends.

[melodrama]

Yep, that would give me creepy vibes as well.  Don't respond to his request text, and if he catches you online, just tell him you're really busy and don't have time for online friendships right now.  If he doesn't get the hint and continues to persue you, then you want to think about contacting the authorities.

[Shores]

Doesnt matter. If you're creeped out, thats all that matters. WHo cares if you're overreacting? Your intuition is there to proctect YOU. What, you want to force yourself into situations in which you feel uncomfortable and/or unsafe just because someone might think you're overreacting? Do not make yourself unhappy and uncomfortable to protect someone else's feelings.

But I don't know whether I'm being irrationally creeped out or my inner creepiness radar is going of. Sometimes I can't tell the difference.

There is no difference. Creeped out = creeped out. People don't get creeped out for no reason. Unless you find yourself feeling this way about literally every person you ever encounter, then your subconcious is telling you something. Trust yourself.

[purchgdss]

Go with your gut..... You know more than you think.

[Eastsider]

PODy POD POD POD what Shores said.  I've found myself in situations that made me uncomfortable but I didn't want to overreact or be rude so I just sucked it up when I should have told the person to leave me alone.  Being on this site has really opened my eyes to the fact that I don't have to make everyone else comfortable at the expense of myself.  I can be polite and still have boundaries.  You don't have to be friends with somone you don't want to be friends with.

[WestAussieGirl]

I agree, trust yourself.  

I have always had lots of male friends (and over the years a few have wanted something else).  I've found that you can be reasonably confident that any guy that wants to talk to you multiple times every day, wants more than an innocent friendship (not to say there aren't times when you might talk more often but if it is really a friendship, it would have ebbs and flows).  I think the vibe is usually pretty clear (if you trust your instincts) but sometimes you hope you are wrong because you want to maintain the friendship.  In my case, where I have ignored the signals, it has always had an embarrassing and uncomfortable finale (when they decide to be overt about their interest).

Now, whenever a male friend gives me any kind of vibe like that, I back off from the friendship (and only socialise with him when my DH will be with me).

[Trisha]

If you're creeped out, stop talking to him. Delete his texts, ignore his emails, pretend you never met back up with him. That's the best solution.

POD, also, you might want to let your SO other know, not necessarily all the details, just that you've been talking to an old friend, and he has turned out to want more than what you were willing to give. This way he doesn't think you're communicating in secret.

[Lisbeth]

If you're getting creeped out, trust your instincts.  Your current relationship is the one that counts.

[smarterthanu213]

If you're creeped out, stop talking to him. Delete his texts, ignore his emails, pretend you never met back up with him. That's the best solution.

POD, also, you might want to let your SO other know, not necessarily all the details, just that you've been talking to an old friend, and he has turned out to want more than what you were willing to give. This way he doesn't think you're communicating in secret.

He knows everything. I let him know when I started talking to this guy again, let him know when things started getting creepy. He offered to go beat the other guy up, but I assured him it wasn't necessary.

[FoxPaws]

But I don't know whether I'm being irrationally creeped out or my inner creepiness radar is going of. Sometimes I can't tell the difference.

When it comes to stuff like this, there isn't a difference. Go with your gut.

[JoyinVirginia]

Doesnt matter. If you're creeped out, thats all that matters. WHo cares if you're overreacting? Your intuition is there to proctect YOU. What, you want to force yourself into situations in which you feel uncomfortable and/or unsafe just because someone might think you're overreacting? Do not make yourself unhappy and uncomfortable to protect someone else's feelings.

But I don't know whether I'm being irrationally creeped out or my inner creepiness radar is going of. Sometimes I can't tell the difference.

There is no difference. Creeped out = creeped out. People don't get creeped out for no reason. Unless you find yourself feeling this way about literally every person you ever encounter, then your subconcious is telling you something. Trust yourself.

I agree 100%. YOUR feelings are most important. I suggest cut off contact, tell people you are close to that you are creeped out, stay away from the guy.
Joy in virginia

[illa_nell]

My neighbor and I just had this issue with the guy who lives round the corner.  Seemed like a nice guy, maybe a little lonely.  However, it isn't worth the risk to either of us to find out.

He showed up at her house after dark a few days ago with his girls (they have girls the same age) and ingredients for making smoothies.  She was really uncomfortable but didn't want to be rude so she let him in.  Guys like that are really good at making you doubt your own radar.  This one didn't do anything (the girls were playing in the same room for goodness sakes) but he kept asking about her schedule, when her boyfriend is around, if the boyfriend's dog is ever at the house with her etc.  We talked about it and she is just going to be straight with him.

"This may sound old-fashioned to you but I simply do not spend time with other men without my boyfriend at home.  Your intentions are irrelevant - the rule is mine and applies to me alone.  Therefore, I am the one who will insist that it be respected.  I am comfortable having the odd chat - but we will not be spending time together alone."