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Author Topic: How or Even If I Should Respond?  (Read 28738 times)

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How or Even If I Should Respond?
« on: June 13, 2014, 07:40:02 PM »
Background first.  Sorry for the length.  We have friends who live about 15 hours away from us.  We try to visit each other at least once a year (alternate who goes to who) and we meet in Mexico every winter for up to 2 weeks.  Both of us own timeshares, albeit at different places. 

So, one year we stay two weeks at their timeshare in Mexico and the next year they stay two weeks with us at our timeshare.  We have done this for over a dozen years and because we are very compatible, never have had an issues.

We just got home from grocery shopping to find a message on our answering machine.  The message is from the wife of friends of our friends, who we have met quite briefly a couple of times when we visited our friends.  I don't believe either of us have ever had a conversation of any length with this woman or her spouse...just met, chatted about topics like the weather and moved along.

The message from the wife (we listened to it twice because we really couldn't believe what we were hearing) was a request to stay with us (and our friends) at our timeshare in Mexico in 2015 (it is our year to be the "hosts). 

Our friends (who are in Seattle at a christening this weekend), have been called.  They are shocked and horrified.  They did not give their friend our phone number and had no idea that she would look us up on the internet and find our number. 

She apparently has been asking them (our friends) to invite her and her spouse to stay with them in Mexico for the past several years.  She has always been told no and told that we have an arrangement that works well for the four of us and that none of us plan to change that by adding another couple to the mix.

I gather she is the kind of person who doesn't believe in accepting no for an answer.

So, what do I/we do now?  Do I call her back and tell her no?  Do I ignore the message? 

My spouse says (semi-seriously) that he will call her back, tell her no and then tell her that it is rude to invite yourself on other peoples vacations.  I told him that I thought the ehellions would have much more polite responses than that and he agreed to wait and see what others have to say.  :)

I'm still in shock about this.  None of us are young.  Our friends and their friends are all retired.  I've just never had anyone try to invite themselves along on our vacation before! 


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Re: How or Even If I Should Respond?
« Reply #1 on: June 13, 2014, 07:48:31 PM »
I'd ignore her, wouldn't even respond. That's one of those "I'm too stunned to form a decent reply so let's pretend this hasn't happened" deals.

If she calls again, however, I'd let her know "I'm sorry but We all enjoy our annual tradition and nobody wants to change it." (On second thought don't even hint at an apology, she'll be on that like a dog with a bone, assuming you feel bad and she can wear you down!)


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Re: How or Even If I Should Respond?
« Reply #2 on: June 13, 2014, 07:49:31 PM »
To be honest, I'd probably just not answer.  If I did, Id say exactly what your friends did - you already have arrangements that work and you wont be inviting others on the vacation.


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Re: How or Even If I Should Respond?
« Reply #3 on: June 13, 2014, 07:57:52 PM »
I think what shocks me the most, is we don't really even know these people.  I doubt if I could pick either of them out in a crowd.

Would it be rude to block her phone number?  We have the type of set-up that allows unlimited blocking of phone numbers.  All someone gets if they call our number (after being blocked) is a message that this line is no longer in service.


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Re: How or Even If I Should Respond?
« Reply #4 on: June 13, 2014, 08:04:47 PM »
I don't think I'd answer at all. If you wanted to get the conversation out of the way if you'd be thinking about it and wondering when she'd call back, I'd definitely just say that you're happy with things as they are, and none of you want to change your plans.

What a cheek!

Oh, yes, definitely block her number if you can.


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Re: How or Even If I Should Respond?
« Reply #5 on: June 13, 2014, 08:05:05 PM »
I wouldn't respond.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls


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Re: How or Even If I Should Respond?
« Reply #6 on: June 13, 2014, 08:43:59 PM »
I also would be very annoyed that she had the nerve to invite herself on my vacation and would not bother to respond.  If she has the nerve to call (which I'm sure she does) I would respond as others have suggested.  By all means block her number if you don't want to deal with her.  Wow.


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Re: How or Even If I Should Respond?
« Reply #7 on: June 13, 2014, 08:49:17 PM »
Black hole her - and let your friend handle their now probably x-friend.

If you can block her on your phone(s) do so. If you and friend are on facebook see if you can find the woman and block her their also. If she e-mails set up a rule and either delete of file her emails unopened.

If possible your friends might want to tell their timeshare people she is not their guest in case she shows up at their timeshare this year.

Hopefully it won't be a problem next year.

What really disturbs me is - My response in my head was there is always one who is that self centered that they do things like this.
Don't Teach Them For Your Past. Teach Them For Their Future


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Re: How or Even If I Should Respond?
« Reply #8 on: June 13, 2014, 08:53:13 PM »
Oh E-hell no you crazy wacked out boundary stomping semi-stalkery person you I'm afraid that won't be possible.   >:D


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Re: How or Even If I Should Respond?
« Reply #9 on: June 13, 2014, 09:04:50 PM »
I'd say, don't call her back at all. I'd want to consult w/ my friends about what sorts of "fallout avoidance" they want.

If they want to handle it, I'd let them.

I'd be so tempted to say to this person, "We don't know you well enough to invite you to share our vacation, so no. And don't ask again." But that's sort of nuclear, even if it is the truth. So before I did that, I'd want to check w/ my friends.

I'd also block her number.


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Re: How or Even If I Should Respond?
« Reply #10 on: June 13, 2014, 09:13:05 PM »
I would forget you ever got the message, it's such an inappropriate request from a near stranger that I think it's perfectly ok to go down the whole route of "forgiving them for asking".   Basically, by pretending it never happened, you're sending the message that you're giving them the opportunity to save face.   That's the nice thing to do.   Obviously if they ask again or more directly you will need to be more direct in acknowledging their faux pas. 

And definitely ok to block their number!
"Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something"


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Re: How or Even If I Should Respond?
« Reply #11 on: June 13, 2014, 09:15:26 PM »
I wouldn't call back.  Don't answer the phone if they call.  Be prepared for something to say if you do pick up.  I would talk to my friends about what to tell them.  I think saying, "I'm sorry, but we already have plans for vacation," would be about all I would say.  Block her number or program her number into the phone with "do not answer" to pop up on caller ID where the name usually goes. 


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Re: How or Even If I Should Respond?
« Reply #12 on: June 13, 2014, 09:20:04 PM »

If you're a really good actor, phone back the number and go with confused concern - you heard the message, but you genuinely thought they dialed the wrong number, because why would someone you barely know ask to come along on your vacation?

Otherwise, I'd be inclined to go with ignoring it, and being cool but polite if you see them again.

If they try again a "We barely know you, why would we go on vacation with you. Please leave us alone" would be perfectly acceptable.


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Re: How or Even If I Should Respond?
« Reply #13 on: June 13, 2014, 10:07:41 PM »
I'm jumping on board to say ignore the call. Don't respond. And yes, block the number.

I think this woman qualifies for the ehell 'nerve of the week' award.

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Re: How or Even If I Should Respond?
« Reply #14 on: June 13, 2014, 11:03:37 PM »
   I think you can ignore her.   IF she happens to "catch you" and asked again this is a "no" is a complete sentence situation. "Why would I want to do that?" or I think you can even apply Miss manners "If you forgive me for not answering, I'll forgive you for asking."* paraphrasing the quote*   (I know thats normally for very intrusive questions but I think it works here too)