How or Even If I Should Respond?

[sammycat]

Thanks everyone!  Her phone number has been blocked.  Especially because when we got back after having lunch with our youngest, Caller ID showed two hang-up calls from that number.

She doesn't know which timeshare we own, as it isn't the same one our friends own.  The city in Mexico is a large city with many timeshares, so it would be difficult for them to even find us by calling various resorts.

And if through some magic they did show up, the unit we rent for the four of us is a one bedroom, two bathroom unit with a maximum occupation limit of four.  We as owners are the ones who list the names of the people staying with us and no one else is even allowed into the resort unless they are on that particular list. 

I assume she does this sort of thing because it was worked for them in the past.  It just isn't going to work this time.  I actually feel for our friends, as they are going to have to deal with constant requests to stay with them in 2016.

Oh, and it appears that they attempted to invite themselves along on our friends trip to Seattle for a christening.  I did not know this and my friend says that she was relentless about asking even though this was a family reunion type event with them not knowing a single person there other than our friends. 

 

You've whet my appetite now and I'm very curious as to how she managed to pull this off in this past.  

I'm surprised someone this rude actually has any friends to invite themselves to stay with.  Then again, they're not friends with OP, and yet they still invited themselves to stay with her, so....

[zyrs]

I think what shocks me the most, is we don't really even know these people.  I doubt if I could pick either of them out in a crowd.

Would it be rude to block her phone number?  We have the type of set-up that allows unlimited blocking of phone numbers.  All someone gets if they call our number (after being blocked) is a message that this line is no longer in service.

I think blocking her number would be a great idea and save you messages in the future

[GSNW]

WOW.  I'm almost embarrassed for them.  I honestly don't think it would be ride of you or your friends to say, "I want you to understand very clearly that we have not invited you, we will not invite you, your request cannot be accommodated."  This in case she manages to circumvent the block and get ahold of you.

[Roses]

WOW.  I'm almost embarrassed for them.  I honestly don't think it would be ride of you or your friends to say, "I want you to understand very clearly that we have not invited you, we will not invite you, your request cannot be accommodated."  This in case she manages to circumvent the block and get ahold of you.

This.  Someone with this much nerve is not going to go away easily.  I'd add to the above and request that they stop contacting you.

[Margo]

Wow.

My sister had a similar experience - she and her husband own a holiday flat in Turkey. In her case, it was someone she knew slightly through work, but not socially. She sent an e-mail to their wok email  saying "Just thought you ought to know that a scam artist seems to be trying to use your name - we had a phone message from someone pretending to be you, trying to invite themselves onto a holiday with us,. We assume it was some sort scam - don't now whether they were trying to get details of when our house will be empty, or when the flat will be, we were immediately  suspicious because we knew you would never be so rude as to invite yourself to our flat,  but we thought you'd want to know that someone is using your name - you may want to let your friends and amil know, in case someone has hacked our address book or something."

(I can't speak to the exact wording, but it was along those lines. It worked)
 If they try to contact you again, and if you or your friends have an e-mail address for them, then something like this might be worth trying!

[Figgie]

I think the worst that will happen is the possibility of her sending us a letter in the mail.  She doesn't have access to our email addresses and she only tried once more to call and was blocked (my spouse can check that online) and got the message that the phone number was no longer in service.

I wish I could tell everyone more about her, but I really don't know either of them very well and have only rarely heard my friend talk about them.

I did get an email from my friend apologizing profusely for what her friend had done.  She wrote:

"It took us forever to convince them that they weren't coming to Seattle, and after that, she wrote back to invite themselves to Mexico in February again….Now I get to tell her it’s our year with you and there’s no room….sigh! 

You need to tell me how to deal with this….My husbands saying I just need to insult her enough so she’ll go away!  I don’t want to do that but have no idea how to proceed."

I will gratefully pass along any ideas people here would care to share.  I do know that my friend has an absolutely terrible time telling people no.

 

[Lorelei_Evil]

Well, with my Dad, I had to be very blunt.  The best thing I did was cut him off from the information flow.  He didn't know when I would be using it anymore.  That was between me and the resort only.  I also kept in mind that it is rude to talk about a vacation trip in front of people who aren't invited.  So I clammed up.  I made my plans, beandipped when asked, and did my thing. 

He still tried to shanghai my reservation for his friends to use ONCE and I went a bit ballistic on him.  After that, complete silence and a raised eyebrow whenever it came up.  Every once in a while he tries to guilt trip me about it, though. 

First thing I would do to shut her down is cut direct her for a while.  Be a useless target for manipulation.  Forget she exists.  Do not engage.  Hopefully she'll start looking for someone new to leech off of.

[TootsNYC]

.Now I get to tell her it’s our year with you and there’s no room….sigh! 

I would suggest that your friend not do this--because it implies that if only there were room, they'd be willing to share their hard-won vacation space with them.

She should say, "I'm sorry--we reserve our vacation condo for our family and close friends. Please don't ask again."

The underlying message is, "you're not a close friend."

[Lorelei_Evil]

POD to Toots.  She should stop giving so much information.  She's JADEing and just giving Ms Battering Ram a spot on the door to hit.

[Mergatroyd]

.Now I get to tell her it’s our year with you and there’s no room….sigh! 

I would suggest that your friend not do this--because it implies that if only there were room, they'd be willing to share their hard-won vacation space with them.

She should say, "I'm sorry--we reserve our vacation condo for our family and close friends. Please don't ask again."

The underlying message is, "you're not a close friend."

Pod this.

My DH would probably say, "Are you serious? why would I want to take you on MY vacation? I barely even know you! Don't ask again."

I wouldn't be surprised if you saw them there though. They tracked down your phone number, who knows what else they can track down.

[Figgie]

I am fairly sure (knowing my friend) that the way she talks about her vacation is posting pictures to Facebook when we/they are in Mexico.  Plus I admit to being confused.    I know better than to talk about parties/weddings in front of people who aren't invited.  But vacations seem to fall into a different category for me.

Most people (normal people I would like to think)    are well aware that they aren't going to be invited on other people's vacations.  Parties and weddings are the kind of thing that someone could conceivably be invited to, because the level of closeness to someone you would invite to a party or wedding would most likely be different than inviting someone to go on a vacation.

Most people I know talk about their vacations before they go on them (and often get helpful information from people who have been or gone to that particular place before) and they share pictures after.  I just never considered talking about vacations to fall under the same etiquette rule as talking about parties or weddings.    I will have to think more about this.

[Figgie]

I will also share with my friend the JADE acronym and what it stands for.  I don't know, but I think it will be a difficult habit for her to break, but so necessary when dealing with her friend.

[Lorelei_Evil]

They do in my family, because they're a bunch of boundary stompers.  Even a casual mention became "yay, WE're going to XYZ!"  Your mileage may vary quite a bit.

I could fill thread after thread with tale after tale.

[TootsNYC]

I will also share with my friend the JADE acronym and what it stands for.  I don't know, but I think it will be a difficult habit for her to break, but so necessary when dealing with her friend.

We've all been trained to give excuses--it's a deniability thing. We don't want to say "we don't like you that much," because it's hurtful.

With most people that's a good thing.

But when you run into pushy people like this, you just have to do it.

And note that my phrasing doesn't say "we *don't* like you." It just says "only this group," and it uses a group that denies other people entry without being rejecting.

[Figgie]

They do in my family, because they're a bunch of boundary stompers.  Even a casual mention became "yay, WE're going to XYZ!"  Your mileage may vary quite a bit.

I could fill thread after thread with tale after tale.

I would love to hear some of the stories if you would care to post them.   

I have never, ever had anyone ask (until now) to go on vacation with us.  In fact, before this woman, I had never even heard of anyone else talking about how someone had invited themselves on someone else's vacation.   Parties, yes...I have definitely heard stories of people inviting themselves to parties, but not vacations for some reason.