Author Topic: Is the kid technically the invitee?  (Read 2366 times)

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Mental Magpie

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Is the kid technically the invitee?
« on: October 04, 2014, 02:47:27 PM »
Sharon issue a Facebook invitation to DH for her daughter's birthday party.  Although DD knows the daughter, they are not class mates nor have dance together.  It is more of an "invite those with children" mentality she has (I know this from past parties).  I sincerely do not think it is a gift grab, despite what else I think about the woman, more of a "more kids, more fun for the birthday girl" idea.   

DH is not in town, thus it would fall on me to take DD to the party by myself.

This got me to wondering: is the child technically the invitee so it doesn't matter who takes her?

DH wouldn't go without me if he was in town, or vice versa, so that makes me think that the invitation is to the family unit, more specifically the child who is then accompanied by the adult/s.  I just wondered what everyone else thought, mostly about invitations for children's parties and the technicalities therein.
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Mergatroyd

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Re: Is the kid technically the invitee?
« Reply #1 on: October 04, 2014, 03:10:20 PM »
Depends on age. Starting in grade 1, most parents around here take their child to the party, re-affirm time of pickup and that their child is comfortable (found a kid to play with) and then they leave. By grade 2, parents are not expected nor included in the invite, let alone the whole family. Kindergarten is YMMV, depending on if the kid knows the other kids well or just from school.


Daydream

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Re: Is the kid technically the invitee?
« Reply #2 on: October 04, 2014, 03:23:40 PM »
Is your daughter old enough to be dropped off at the party without her parents?  If so, then I think the invitation is for her alone. 

I had birthday parties from about the ages of six to nine-years-old, and I don't think any of my friends' parents stayed.  (this is based more on the photos I’ve seen than my vague memories)   

You post seems to hint that Sharon is someone your husband knows better than you do.  But if the invitation is for your daughter, I don't think that matters much if she’d like to attend the party and you are okay with her going.

m2kbug

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Re: Is the kid technically the invitee?
« Reply #3 on: October 04, 2014, 04:32:55 PM »
I would think that if it's typical of Sharon to have a combined gathering for both kids and their parents, even though it's the child's BDay party, that's probably her intent this time as well, especially if your kids don't really get together at all outside of these gatherings.  It doesn't sound like you really want to go or even send DD, so you may as well just RSVP no.   

Now if this is something where the girls do enjoy time together, and DD wants to go and you think it would be fun for her, I would call and clarify what the expectation is.  If it were me, and I didn't have a problem dropping DD off, I would call and claim that I already have another obligation, but if this is a party where I can drop DD off and pick her up, that would work really well.  I would assume that at a certain age, dropping off and picking up would be expected, in which case you would be clarifying what time the party is expected to be over so you can pick up DD. 

It really doesn't matter who takes her.  If Sharon and DH are closer friends, that would explain why he got the invite.  I'm not sure if that means Sharon expects him (and you) to stick around, though.  It doesn't make a difference who drops her off/picks up/stays, since the invitation is for DD more than anyone.  The invitation only went to one of you, but I would guess it included all of you.

LifeOnPluto

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Re: Is the kid technically the invitee?
« Reply #4 on: October 05, 2014, 01:27:18 AM »
I think it's fine for you (or your DH) to clarify what sort of a party is it? Ie is it a typical 6 yo birthday party where (in my experience) the parents drop the kids off? Or is it more of an open house type party for adults with kids, and the kids just go off into another room and play?

It it's the former, you might also want to consider whether your DD wants to go at all, considering she isn't close to the birthday girl.

Mental Magpie

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Re: Is the kid technically the invitee?
« Reply #5 on: October 05, 2014, 01:32:20 AM »
The birthday girl is turning 5 and I know the kids invited range from 1-7.  I do not believe it is a drop off party, just from the way parties have been done in the past in our circle.

Regardless, I'm not asking specifically about my case.  I was just curious in general how people felt about such invitations.  For example, DD brought home an invitation from school.  It was addressed specifically to her.  However, the invitation Sharon issued to DH wasn't.  In that case, is it the family unit or just the child?  Is it primarily the child with the parents secondarily?
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CakeEater

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Re: Is the kid technically the invitee?
« Reply #6 on: October 05, 2014, 02:25:08 AM »

Regardless, I'm not asking specifically about my case.  I was just curious in general how people felt about such invitations.  For example, DD brought home an invitation from school.  It was addressed specifically to her.  However, the invitation Sharon issued to DH wasn't.  In that case, is it the family unit or just the child?  Is it primarily the child with the parents secondarily?

I think it depends who is friends with who. So if the kids barely know each other, but their parents are friends, I would assume the invitation was for the whole family, with activities being geared towards the kids, but food and conversation for the adults.

If the kids are more friends, but the adults know each other as well, then I'd assume the invitation was more for the child, and wouldn't go if your child wasn't available.

If you and DH are equally friends with the parents of the birthday girl, I don't see why either of you shouldn't go without the other if you/he/DD wanted to.

Lynn2000

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Re: Is the kid technically the invitee?
« Reply #7 on: October 06, 2014, 05:48:39 PM »
I think I get what you're asking. If it's a party where the adults are expected to stay, how do you know if the host is planning on just one adult per child or both, and if only one, which one is the host asking for?

I'm honestly not sure how to determine how many adults are expected from the household... If it's at someone's home, which is spacious, it might be that both adults are fine, whereas if you have a space-limited venue just one adult might be more convenient. Probably when I RSVP'd I would be careful to say exactly who all was coming ("Me, Bob, and Billy," instead of just "us") so the host could prepare.

However, I kind of feel like it doesn't matter much which adult goes, if you suspect only one is expected, or only one is available. At least, I don't like the idea of the host saying, "Bob, you and Billy are invited to my child's birthday party. However, your wife Betty can't come. So if you're out of town, just forget the whole thing." You know? That seems pretty rude to me (barring something extreme of course). So I would say that even though Sharon addressed the invitation specifically to DH, if he's not available you're free to attend with your child instead.

Now if DH and your child were out of town, it might be weird to attend the party on your own, or it might not, depending on your relationship with the host and the birthday child. In this particular case it sounds like it might be weird, but I could see an aunt attending her nephew's birthday party, even if her own kids were away at camp or something.
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LifeOnPluto

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Re: Is the kid technically the invitee?
« Reply #8 on: October 06, 2014, 11:00:46 PM »
For a child's birthday party where adults are expected to stay, I don't think there's any polite way of saying that one parent is invited, but the other parent is not. Unless the party is specifically a "mums only" or "dads only" thing.

Winterlight

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Re: Is the kid technically the invitee?
« Reply #9 on: October 07, 2014, 10:12:12 AM »
I don't think it matters as long as an adult shows up with the child.
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Girly

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Re: Is the kid technically the invitee?
« Reply #10 on: October 07, 2014, 11:56:50 AM »
For step-parents that are recently married (as in MM's case), I could see someone sending the invitation to the father of the child, instead of the 'family unit', especially if they had been friends from before they started dating.

For a child's birthday, it might be a chance for the parents to get together and catch up, while the kids go play together - hence the invite for your SD. Or, it may be that they want a ton of kids at their kids party. Or, it may be they plan on throwing a big bash, and want a bunch of kids to have fun, who knows? I don't think there are certain rules you must follow when inviting kids to a birthday party.

For this case, if you aren't that good of friends with the party-thrower, and your SD doesn't really want to go, I'd just decline. However, if your SD wants to go, I'd go. Have you asked her what she wanted to do? She's six, almost seven, right? She should know if she wants to go to someone's party or not at that age.

Dragonflymom

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Re: Is the kid technically the invitee?
« Reply #11 on: October 07, 2014, 12:04:00 PM »
Since the invitation is to your stepdaughter rather than your DH, I think you are in the clear to bring her if she wants to go, since parents attending with children seems to be the norm for your social circle.

You may want to clarify with the hostess first though and see if adults are welcome at the party.  As I recall from my daughter attending parties at this age, this was about the time when the transition happened between parents attending parties with the kids and parties being for the kids only.
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Mental Magpie

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Re: Is the kid technically the invitee?
« Reply #12 on: October 07, 2014, 12:26:41 PM »
I think I get what you're asking. If it's a party where the adults are expected to stay, how do you know if the host is planning on just one adult per child or both, and if only one, which one is the host asking for?

I'm honestly not sure how to determine how many adults are expected from the household... If it's at someone's home, which is spacious, it might be that both adults are fine, whereas if you have a space-limited venue just one adult might be more convenient. Probably when I RSVP'd I would be careful to say exactly who all was coming ("Me, Bob, and Billy," instead of just "us") so the host could prepare.

However, I kind of feel like it doesn't matter much which adult goes, if you suspect only one is expected, or only one is available. At least, I don't like the idea of the host saying, "Bob, you and Billy are invited to my child's birthday party. However, your wife Betty can't come. So if you're out of town, just forget the whole thing." You know? That seems pretty rude to me (barring something extreme of course). So I would say that even though Sharon addressed the invitation specifically to DH, if he's not available you're free to attend with your child instead.

Now if DH and your child were out of town, it might be weird to attend the party on your own, or it might not, depending on your relationship with the host and the birthday child. In this particular case it sounds like it might be weird, but I could see an aunt attending her nephew's birthday party, even if her own kids were away at camp or something.

Yes, this is what I was asking; you've explained it much better.

I also agree with your view on it.
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