Author Topic: "No offence, but..."  (Read 6758 times)

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Miss March

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Re: "No offence, but..."
« Reply #60 on: June 18, 2014, 06:01:03 PM »
Slightly off topic, but in the same vein (rather than being told that you look like someone unattractive, you are told that you look nothing like someone who is attractive).

There was once this woman who worked for MTV. Her name was Kennedy. She was interviewing Steve Buscemi. She said "I met your brother earlier. He is so gorgeous! You'd never know he was related to you." And she just blitzed right on talking, apparently clueless to how horrendously rude she had just been. I recall from the fleeting expression on Mr. Buscemi's face that he had picked up on the insult, though he was gracious and simply moved on with the interview. My jaw was on the floor when I saw that aired. It was decades ago, and I have never forgotten how cringe worthy that was.
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ChinaShepherdess

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Re: "No offence, but..."
« Reply #61 on: June 18, 2014, 10:09:06 PM »
"Do you know who you look like?"
"Heidi Klum! I know! It's uncanny!"

Mister E

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Re: "No offence, but..."
« Reply #62 on: June 18, 2014, 11:24:35 PM »
I'll just have agree to disagree then. I'm just not seeing that it's a big deal or that it's in any way rude for someone to tell you that you look like a certain celebrity. As for whether a celebrity is "ugly", it's rather suggestive I think. I mean I'm sure there are a few that everyone would agree are unattractive but I think most of them people would be split about 50-50 on. As for me and the disagreement that I look like Fred Savage, I'm a little older than him, (about 5 years or so) and it's not that I think the guy's ugly because I don't. I just don't think there's any resemblance between the two of us, that's all.

Ed. ETA: I just don't understand people being offended by remarks/comments like that.
« Last Edit: June 18, 2014, 11:34:12 PM by Mister E »

etiquettenut

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Re: "No offence, but..."
« Reply #63 on: June 19, 2014, 07:16:39 AM »
I'll just have agree to disagree then. I'm just not seeing that it's a big deal or that it's in any way rude for someone to tell you that you look like a certain celebrity. As for whether a celebrity is "ugly", it's rather suggestive I think. I mean I'm sure there are a few that everyone would agree are unattractive but I think most of them people would be split about 50-50 on. As for me and the disagreement that I look like Fred Savage, I'm a little older than him, (about 5 years or so) and it's not that I think the guy's ugly because I don't. I just don't think there's any resemblance between the two of us, that's all.

Ed. ETA: I just don't understand people being offended by remarks/comments like that.

Then I 'll simplify it:
You look like  Actor A + Actor A is known for being unattractive = you just called me unattractive. Many people get offended when they are called unattractive.

Now, I get that it might not be the person's intention and they are just making a clueless comment. They may even think it's a compliment. (The whole take it how it's intended thing.) That doesn't mean it still can't be hurtful, and I think you can let the person know that. And I think saying people should just get over it or not worry about other people's opinions is flippant and unrealistic for most.

I don't see anyone advocating being rude, mean, or aggressive in response. However, I also don't see a problem with letting someone know that their comment on your personal appearance was not appreciated.

It just seems like one of those things that, because you don't know how it will go, you should avoid saying it at all. Kind of like wishing happy mother's day to every woman you see  ;)

SamiHami

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Re: "No offence, but..."
« Reply #64 on: June 19, 2014, 03:46:24 PM »
I would be thrilled if someone told me I looked like Charlize Theron.  Until they told me I looked like her from that movie where she played the serial killer.  :P

I do think telling someone they look like someone else, unless that person is universally thought of as the epitome of beauty or handsomeness, is fraught with the danger of them not appreciating it, even if you meant it as a compliment.

My nephew gets told he looks like Prince Harry all the time.  He's more bemused than anything but I don't think he takes it as a particular compliment.

I still remember one woman asking if my best friend and I were twins.  No?  Then surely we must be sisters.  Lady, whatever drugs you're smoking, I want some.  (I didn't say that.)  Because we look nothing alike.  I'm fat, she's skinny; she's a redhead, I'm blonde; her hair is straight, mine's curly; she's at least an inch or two taller than me; she has an aquiline nose, mine's kind of snubbed; she's flat chested, I'm decidedly not.  Seriously, we look absolutely nothing alike.  But for some reason, this woman was convinced we were twins.  We laughed about it over a glass of wine or three later but at the time?  It was so weird.

Funny. The same thing happened to me and my former BFF. Twins? Uh, no. Sisters? Not even close. I am 5'9". She's 5'2". I'm blonde. She's a redhead. She's extremely busty, I'm average. Her eyes are green, mine are blue. But someone insisted we were twins. I have a southern accent, she's from the Bronx.

Oooookay.....

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Onyx_TKD

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Re: "No offence, but..."
« Reply #65 on: June 19, 2014, 04:01:47 PM »
I would be thrilled if someone told me I looked like Charlize Theron.  Until they told me I looked like her from that movie where she played the serial killer.  :P

I do think telling someone they look like someone else, unless that person is universally thought of as the epitome of beauty or handsomeness, is fraught with the danger of them not appreciating it, even if you meant it as a compliment.

My nephew gets told he looks like Prince Harry all the time.  He's more bemused than anything but I don't think he takes it as a particular compliment.

I still remember one woman asking if my best friend and I were twins.  No?  Then surely we must be sisters.  Lady, whatever drugs you're smoking, I want some.  (I didn't say that.)  Because we look nothing alike. I'm fat, she's skinny; she's a redhead, I'm blonde; her hair is straight, mine's curly; she's at least an inch or two taller than me; she has an aquiline nose, mine's kind of snubbed; she's flat chested, I'm decidedly not.  Seriously, we look absolutely nothing alike.  But for some reason, this woman was convinced we were twins.  We laughed about it over a glass of wine or three later but at the time?  It was so weird.

Funny. The same thing happened to me and my former BFF. Twins? Uh, no. Sisters? Not even close. I am 5'9". She's 5'2". I'm blonde. She's a redhead. She's extremely busty, I'm average. Her eyes are green, mine are blue. But someone insisted we were twins. I have a southern accent, she's from the Bronx.

Oooookay.....

Well, not all siblings look much alike...which can lead to entirely different weird and awkward assumptions. My brother and I attended the same university at the same time (undergrad for me, grad school for him). Once he was mistaken for my date: friends saw me at a festival "with a guy!" and wanted me to tell them all about it--their excitement deflated substantially when I clarified "Uh...That was my brother." On another more memorable occasion, a stranger somehow concluded that we were an engaged couple.  :o It wasn't a question, either--we realized when he referred to my brother as "your fiance."  :P We never really figured out how he came to that conclusion, considering we were all just standing around chatting, but we both found it rather disturbing.

Morticia

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Re: "No offence, but..."
« Reply #66 on: June 19, 2014, 04:56:03 PM »
Speaking of no resemblance, it occurs to me that the celebrities don't resemble each other, either.
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Dazi

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Re: "No offence, but..."
« Reply #67 on: June 19, 2014, 06:06:14 PM »
I would be thrilled if someone told me I looked like Charlize Theron.  Until they told me I looked like her from that movie where she played the serial killer.  :P

I do think telling someone they look like someone else, unless that person is universally thought of as the epitome of beauty or handsomeness, is fraught with the danger of them not appreciating it, even if you meant it as a compliment.

My nephew gets told he looks like Prince Harry all the time.  He's more bemused than anything but I don't think he takes it as a particular compliment.

I still remember one woman asking if my best friend and I were twins.  No?  Then surely we must be sisters.  Lady, whatever drugs you're smoking, I want some.  (I didn't say that.)  Because we look nothing alike. I'm fat, she's skinny; she's a redhead, I'm blonde; her hair is straight, mine's curly; she's at least an inch or two taller than me; she has an aquiline nose, mine's kind of snubbed; she's flat chested, I'm decidedly not.  Seriously, we look absolutely nothing alike.  But for some reason, this woman was convinced we were twins.  We laughed about it over a glass of wine or three later but at the time?  It was so weird.

Funny. The same thing happened to me and my former BFF. Twins? Uh, no. Sisters? Not even close. I am 5'9". She's 5'2". I'm blonde. She's a redhead. She's extremely busty, I'm average. Her eyes are green, mine are blue. But someone insisted we were twins. I have a southern accent, she's from the Bronx.

Oooookay.....

Well, not all siblings look much alike...which can lead to entirely different weird and awkward assumptions. My brother and I attended the same university at the same time (undergrad for me, grad school for him). Once he was mistaken for my date: friends saw me at a festival "with a guy!" and wanted me to tell them all about it--their excitement deflated substantially when I clarified "Uh...That was my brother." On another more memorable occasion, a stranger somehow concluded that we were an engaged couple.  :o It wasn't a question, either--we realized when he referred to my brother as "your fiance."  :P We never really figured out how he came to that conclusion, considering we were all just standing around chatting, but we both found it rather disturbing.

Onyx,  I get that All. The. Time. with my brother too.   I've had people call my DH to tell him they saw me "out with some guy",  so I must be cheating.

Most of my life I've been told I bear a remarkable resemblance to Soleil Moon Frye.  I don't particularly see it,  but I guess there are worse people I could be compared to.  ;)
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Emmy

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Re: "No offence, but..."
« Reply #68 on: June 20, 2014, 08:34:06 AM »
I realized that people's opinions of who resembles whom can be very variable at my wedding, then again after having both my DD's who are still very young.

Several friends and co-workers saw my family for the first time.  I've heard "you and your sister look so much alike" and 'wow, you and your sister look nothing alike'.  I also heard different opinions on whether I look more like my mom or dad.

Most people say DD1 looks just like me and DD2 just like DH, however some people will say DD2 is my dead ringer and DD1 looks more like him.

If I thought somebody looked like a celebrity, I'd keep it to myself unless I was nearly 100% sure it would be a compliment to them. 

Yvaine

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Re: "No offence, but..."
« Reply #69 on: June 20, 2014, 09:08:43 AM »
I realized that people's opinions of who resembles whom can be very variable at my wedding, then again after having both my DD's who are still very young.

Several friends and co-workers saw my family for the first time.  I've heard "you and your sister look so much alike" and 'wow, you and your sister look nothing alike'.  I also heard different opinions on whether I look more like my mom or dad.

Most people say DD1 looks just like me and DD2 just like DH, however some people will say DD2 is my dead ringer and DD1 looks more like him.

If I thought somebody looked like a celebrity, I'd keep it to myself unless I was nearly 100% sure it would be a compliment to them.

I was watching a gymnastics event once that included three of my sisters, and I kid you not, during the same event, I got asked:

"Is Emily adopted? Sara and Natalie look just alike, but Emily doesn't look anything like them."
"Is Natalie adopted? Sara and Emily look just alike, but Natalie doesn't look anything like them."

And I can kind of see what both of them were talking about! Sara and Emily have similar facial structure while Sara and Natalie have similar coloring. And if I go anywhere with one female friend of mine, people always think we're sisters because we're both blonde and wear glasses--we literally look nothing alike beyond that.

wyliefool

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Re: "No offence, but..."
« Reply #70 on: June 20, 2014, 09:24:08 AM »
"Do you know who you look like?"

--Yes :walks away:
--Mom/Dad/me
--Oh, no thanks.
--Do I know you?
--Yes but it's a secret

"Lord Voldemort!"

--Wow.
--Nice.
--Huh, you too. That's weird. (Bonus points if they're a different gender than you)
--I think the cat's on fire, gotta go.

menley

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Re: "No offence, but..."
« Reply #71 on: June 20, 2014, 09:32:34 AM »
There was a period of time that people kept telling me that I looked like Mary Louise Parker. That *would* be a compliment, except that they always followed that up with "You know, when she was dying of AIDS in Boys on the Side?"

I had at least 8 different people tell me that, and finally I started saying, "So you think I look like I'm dying of a devastating illness? Wow. Thanks." Cue the person stammering about how they didn't mean it like that.

Twik

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Re: "No offence, but..."
« Reply #72 on: June 20, 2014, 09:46:43 AM »
Slightly off topic, but in the same vein (rather than being told that you look like someone unattractive, you are told that you look nothing like someone who is attractive).

There was once this woman who worked for MTV. Her name was Kennedy. She was interviewing Steve Buscemi. She said "I met your brother earlier. He is so gorgeous! You'd never know he was related to you." And she just blitzed right on talking, apparently clueless to how horrendously rude she had just been. I recall from the fleeting expression on Mr. Buscemi's face that he had picked up on the insult, though he was gracious and simply moved on with the interview. My jaw was on the floor when I saw that aired. It was decades ago, and I have never forgotten how cringe worthy that was.

Oh dear. That's dreadful. Kudos to Mr. Buscemi for being a gentleman about it.
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Shea

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Re: "No offence, but..."
« Reply #73 on: June 20, 2014, 06:07:35 PM »
I would be thrilled if someone told me I looked like Charlize Theron.  Until they told me I looked like her from that movie where she played the serial killer.  :P

I do think telling someone they look like someone else, unless that person is universally thought of as the epitome of beauty or handsomeness, is fraught with the danger of them not appreciating it, even if you meant it as a compliment.

My nephew gets told he looks like Prince Harry all the time.  He's more bemused than anything but I don't think he takes it as a particular compliment.

I still remember one woman asking if my best friend and I were twins.  No?  Then surely we must be sisters.  Lady, whatever drugs you're smoking, I want some.  (I didn't say that.)  Because we look nothing alike. I'm fat, she's skinny; she's a redhead, I'm blonde; her hair is straight, mine's curly; she's at least an inch or two taller than me; she has an aquiline nose, mine's kind of snubbed; she's flat chested, I'm decidedly not.  Seriously, we look absolutely nothing alike.  But for some reason, this woman was convinced we were twins.  We laughed about it over a glass of wine or three later but at the time?  It was so weird.

Funny. The same thing happened to me and my former BFF. Twins? Uh, no. Sisters? Not even close. I am 5'9". She's 5'2". I'm blonde. She's a redhead. She's extremely busty, I'm average. Her eyes are green, mine are blue. But someone insisted we were twins. I have a southern accent, she's from the Bronx.

Oooookay.....

Well, not all siblings look much alike...which can lead to entirely different weird and awkward assumptions. My brother and I attended the same university at the same time (undergrad for me, grad school for him). Once he was mistaken for my date: friends saw me at a festival "with a guy!" and wanted me to tell them all about it--their excitement deflated substantially when I clarified "Uh...That was my brother." On another more memorable occasion, a stranger somehow concluded that we were an engaged couple.  :o It wasn't a question, either--we realized when he referred to my brother as "your fiance."  :P We never really figured out how he came to that conclusion, considering we were all just standing around chatting, but we both found it rather disturbing.

Onyx,  I get that All. The. Time. with my brother too.   I've had people call my DH to tell him they saw me "out with some guy",  so I must be cheating.

Most of my life I've been told I bear a remarkable resemblance to Soleil Moon Frye.  I don't particularly see it,  but I guess there are worse people I could be compared to.  ;)

An ex-BF and I used to get the opposite, people were always assuming we were brother and sister. Other than having more or less the same color hair (his dead straight, mine wildly curly), blue eyes and glasses, we looked nothing alike.

Our response to "Are you two brother and sister?" would be: "Sure hope not!" followed by laughter. Too bad this was before Game of Thrones became a pop culture thing, we could have made some excellent Lannister jokes.


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omjulie

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Re: "No offence, but..."
« Reply #74 on: June 20, 2014, 08:14:53 PM »
I would be thrilled if someone told me I looked like Charlize Theron.  Until they told me I looked like her from that movie where she played the serial killer.  :P

I do think telling someone they look like someone else, unless that person is universally thought of as the epitome of beauty or handsomeness, is fraught with the danger of them not appreciating it, even if you meant it as a compliment.

My nephew gets told he looks like Prince Harry all the time.  He's more bemused than anything but I don't think he takes it as a particular compliment.

I still remember one woman asking if my best friend and I were twins.  No?  Then surely we must be sisters.  Lady, whatever drugs you're smoking, I want some.  (I didn't say that.)  Because we look nothing alike. I'm fat, she's skinny; she's a redhead, I'm blonde; her hair is straight, mine's curly; she's at least an inch or two taller than me; she has an aquiline nose, mine's kind of snubbed; she's flat chested, I'm decidedly not.  Seriously, we look absolutely nothing alike.  But for some reason, this woman was convinced we were twins.  We laughed about it over a glass of wine or three later but at the time?  It was so weird.

Funny. The same thing happened to me and my former BFF. Twins? Uh, no. Sisters? Not even close. I am 5'9". She's 5'2". I'm blonde. She's a redhead. She's extremely busty, I'm average. Her eyes are green, mine are blue. But someone insisted we were twins. I have a southern accent, she's from the Bronx.

Oooookay.....

Well, not all siblings look much alike...which can lead to entirely different weird and awkward assumptions. My brother and I attended the same university at the same time (undergrad for me, grad school for him). Once he was mistaken for my date: friends saw me at a festival "with a guy!" and wanted me to tell them all about it--their excitement deflated substantially when I clarified "Uh...That was my brother." On another more memorable occasion, a stranger somehow concluded that we were an engaged couple.  :o It wasn't a question, either--we realized when he referred to my brother as "your fiance."  :P We never really figured out how he came to that conclusion, considering we were all just standing around chatting, but we both found it rather disturbing.

Onyx,  I get that All. The. Time. with my brother too.   I've had people call my DH to tell him they saw me "out with some guy",  so I must be cheating.

Most of my life I've been told I bear a remarkable resemblance to Soleil Moon Frye.  I don't particularly see it,  but I guess there are worse people I could be compared to.  ;)

An ex-BF and I used to get the opposite, people were always assuming we were brother and sister. Other than having more or less the same color hair (his dead straight, mine wildly curly), blue eyes and glasses, we looked nothing alike.

Our response to "Are you two brother and sister?" would be: "Sure hope not!" followed by laughter. Too bad this was before Game of Thrones became a pop culture thing, we could have made some excellent Lannister jokes.

My brother and I were once asked if we were newlyweds. We're not a physically affectionate family. It was weird. More often, I'd be heading around town with him and run into some of his female classmates (most of whom had fairly obvious crushes on him). These girls would be incredibly cold to me right up until my brother referred to me as his sister - at which point, of course, they suddenly decided to be my best friend. I wanted to tell them I knew exactly what they were doing, but it was easier to just roll my eyes and let it go.

My other sister and older brother used to get asked all the time if they were dating, too (and they're even less physically expressive than my little brother and I) - and now people often assume my sister's husband is her brother, because he looks more like her than the rest of my siblings. It's very strange coming from a family where you don't look much like each other.

My sister and I also hear that we either look exactly alike or nothing alike. I'm thinking some of it has to do with the setting they meet us in, because we get along really well but have very different personalities about some things. My guess is that if you see us doing something we're "similar" about, our mannerisms make us look very alike, but if you see us in a setting where we tend to have opposite reactions to things, we seem like complete strangers.

On that vein (and getting back in the direction of the thread topic), when I get compared to a celebrity, I find it's more often because I'm doing something that reminds them of the celebrity than because I physically look like them. Most often, I resemble the celebrity in question only superficially (like we have the same hair color and general age range), but I'm emphasizing words the way they do or telling the kind of jokes the celebrity usually tells. The physical similarity is scant, but just enough to support a general comparison. Does the celebrity you're compared to have some kind of noticeable mannerism, habit, or setting in which they're frequently seen? It might help if you can reframe it as a personality comparison.