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Author Topic: How personal is personal hygiene?  (Read 4949 times)

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Re: How personal is personal hygiene?
« Reply #15 on: June 25, 2014, 02:18:55 PM »
I think Lucy's well within reason.  Heck, I just went 36 hours (at least) without showering while moving.  I got a lot of drive-through food ;)

That said, I think this is more a relationship issue than an etiquette one, and Ricky might consider seeking professional help.


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Re: How personal is personal hygiene?
« Reply #16 on: June 25, 2014, 02:55:33 PM »
Ricky need professional help and I am not saying that to be snarky, he needs to learn better ways of coping that what he knows right now.  His current attitude and behavior is going to seriously impact his marriage in a very negative way and will absolutely kill any romance between them.  From just what the OP described I would have already told this man to pack his bags.

The wife's hygiene sounds perfectly normal and reasonable to me.  Showering once a day, brushing the teeth and using unscented products sounds like a very reasonable and fair accommodation.

If I showered twice a day there would be dry skin flakes absolutely everywhere, those hot showers are awfully hard on the skin and the older you get the worse the problem will get.
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Re: How personal is personal hygiene?
« Reply #17 on: June 25, 2014, 03:11:10 PM »
I agree that this is primarily a relationship issue.  Whether it's just Ricky being really picky, a mental heath issue, or a physical heath issue*, I think the resolution needs to come from within the relationship and etiquette can't tell Ricky or Lucy how much they have to put up with from the other.

Ricky might decide that Lucy's hygene is a deal-breaker, or Lucy might decide that Ricky's hygene requests are a deal-breaker, and I don't think either decision would be rude.  (How the decisions are communicated and acted upon could certainly be rude).

*Some people are "super-tasters" where their sense of taste is very strong.  I'm guessing the same is probably true for other senses, including smell (which is already very closely related to taste).


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Re: How personal is personal hygiene?
« Reply #18 on: June 25, 2014, 04:35:10 PM »
Ricky doesn't have the right to dictate when Lucy takes showers. On the flip side, Lucy doesn't have the right to dictate when Ricky will "be close" with her and when he's willing to share a bed. I think Lucy should continue to follow the hygiene practices that work for her, and Ricky should adjust his own behavior to accommodate his eccentricities. As PPs have said, Ricky is the one outside of societal norms and Lucy has already made accommodations for him, so it's his turn to be flexible.

So, Lucy can go 36 hours between showers if she likes, while Ricky can set up his own separate bed to sleep in it on those occasions. If Lucy wants to share a bed with Ricky or otherwise "be close", she should make the effort to shower beforehand so he's comfortable with it. If Ricky wants to share a bed/be close with Lucy, he should either put up with her current state of cleanliness or ask her if she would take an extra shower as a favor to him. If either of them is unhappy with sleeping apart or not being close but is unwilling to be the one to compromise, then it may be time to rethink the relationship.

IMO, Ricky should also be the one responsible for the extra work involved in accommodating his hygiene preferences, e.g., the frequent changing and laundering of the sheets (and probably his towels, and his clothes, etc., since he showers so often), since he's the one who's pickier about it. Or they could share the work for a set sheet-laundering schedule they both find appropriate, and Ricky could handle all extra laundry beyond that resulting from his pickiness.


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Re: How personal is personal hygiene?
« Reply #19 on: June 25, 2014, 04:51:49 PM »
I don't see this as normal behaviour on Ricky's part. His controlling of her is going to seriously impact their relationship if it hasn't already.


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Re: How personal is personal hygiene?
« Reply #20 on: June 25, 2014, 06:05:04 PM »
I have to agree that this is not an etiquette issue, but a very personal one between this couple. Another vote for professional help and good luck.
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