Author Topic: My Spot In E-Hell  (Read 4494 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

StoutGirl

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 99
My Spot In E-Hell
« on: June 25, 2014, 12:15:40 PM »
Hi Everyone, no question or advice, but I would love to share a story about wedding attire.

Unfortunately, the person in the wrong was me, and I am certain that there is a nice toasty spot in E-Hell for me.

About 9 years ago, a cousin of mine was getting married.  I was very excited, but as a teenager (I was 14 at the time), I did not know any better about a lot of things.  At this time, I had a few years of sewing under my belt and had made a dress that I had worn for homecoming.  It was dark purple, strapless, and had an open back.  I also had not learned how to keep my bragging in check when it came to my talent.

I think I was a little disappointed that my cousin (who was about 20) did not ask me to be a bridesmaid.  Part of it was that I thought that we were closer than what we actually were (nowadays, we are not close at all because we have nothing in common other than shared blood), and the other part was that she had a cousin on her other side of the family that was a year older than me that was asked.  Despite my slight disappointment, I did not say anything and pretty much got over it.

I ended up finding out that her bridesmaids' dress color was a dark wine color.  I thought, "perfect!  I have a dress (the one mentioned above) and I will practically match!"  I wasn't trying to be a bridesmaid wannabe, but I also did not know that it wasn't appropriate to try to match the color theme.

And it gets worse.  The wedding was in January in Wisconsin, and my dress had an open back.  I loved the open back.  I refused to wear a cardigan, even after my Mom bought one and asked me to wear it.  So I probably looked a little sleazy.  Miraculously, I was not cold.

And finally, I would not stop bragging about me making that dress to my relatives that had not seen it.

I really cringe at my behavior back then and I can assure all of you that I have grown up since then.  I outgrew the dress and when my sister tried it on once, she could not get it off, and it broke my heart a little to cut it off.  The fabric was saved and has since been used in a few craft projects.  I hardly ever mention my talent when I am wearing an item that I made.  Even though no one in my family ever mentioned my deplorable behavior, E-Hell has taught me a lot in the last few years and I can only hope for forgiveness.  Fell free to laugh and condemn away!

Lynn2000

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5550
Re: My Spot In E-Hell
« Reply #1 on: June 25, 2014, 01:07:03 PM »
Believe me, I look back on stuff I did when I was 14 and cringe! Sometimes I wonder why my mom didn't try to stop me. She might have known that saying something would only make my attitude worse. Or maybe she was hoping that seeing the consequences of my actions would teach me the lesson better. However, sometimes it was stuff where I didn't see the consequences right away, and it was only years later, looking back, that I realized how hurtful or ridiculous I had been.  :P
~Lynn2000

Runningstar

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 311
Re: My Spot In E-Hell
« Reply #2 on: June 26, 2014, 06:37:32 AM »
StoutGirl, that might become a funny story to you someday - 14 is so young.  I think that being disappointed over not being in the wedding is a natural emotion and at 14 you handled it in your own way. 

gellchom

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2332
Re: My Spot In E-Hell
« Reply #3 on: July 09, 2014, 01:57:17 PM »
I don't think you were so bad.  Te absolvo!

Good that you've learned not to brag, but I also don't see anything wrong with telling Grandpa and Aunt Sally, "Thanks!  I made it myself!  Yes, really!"

Well, of course 14-year-old you were disappointed that you weren't a bridesmaid, when another cousin was.  But you didn't make a stink about it, right?  That's all that matters; you are entitled to your feelings.

As for wearing a dress similar in color to the attendants' dresses, while it would be obnoxious to go out and buy (or sew) one with that intention, I don't think there's a thing wrong with showing up in a dress that's a similar color, and certainly no imperative to go out and buy a different one if the one you have is otherwise appropriate.  It wasn't even the same color anyway -- purple is not wine.  Usually I have no idea what the wedding colors are, and I have ended up in the same color of as the attendants.  I see it a lot -- a color that is popular that year for attendants is usually a popular color for party dresses, too.  So what?  There is no extension of not wearing white like the bride to not wearing _____ like the attendants.

If that's the most cringeworthy memory you have, I envy you!
« Last Edit: July 09, 2014, 02:25:22 PM by gellchom »

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 31345
Re: My Spot In E-Hell
« Reply #4 on: July 09, 2014, 01:59:27 PM »
Believe me, I look back on stuff I did when I was 14 and cringe!

I think that's part of what being 14 is for, actually.

magicdomino

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4799
Re: My Spot In E-Hell
« Reply #5 on: July 09, 2014, 02:07:31 PM »
I can think of a few incidents when I was a teenager.  :-[   As a person who is living in a pretty big greenhouse, I will throw no stones.  I suppose it is better to be bothered by such incidents years later, than to breeze through life not caring.  This way you at least remember what not to do. 

Lula

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 50
Re: My Spot In E-Hell
« Reply #6 on: August 12, 2014, 04:48:28 PM »
It's not rude to brag if you're telling the truth!

ladyknight1

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8079
  • Operating the logic hammer since 1987.
Re: My Spot In E-Hell
« Reply #7 on: August 12, 2014, 06:31:47 PM »
We attended a wedding a few weeks ago and I ended up matching the bridesmaids and maid of honor, but we had no way of knowing the colors before we arrived.

Sirius

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 9990
  • Stars in my eyes!
Re: My Spot In E-Hell
« Reply #8 on: September 11, 2014, 01:12:31 PM »
I look back on when I was 14, and I wonder how I made it to 55. 

Chipmunky

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 62
Re: My Spot In E-Hell
« Reply #9 on: October 21, 2014, 04:02:56 PM »
Responding from the other side (after a fashion)....

My brother got married a year ago last May. They chose not to have a bridal party other than the three nieces between them as flower girls. Fine, completely their perogative.

The invitations and what not were all on white paper with dark purple and bright orange lettering. I took this to be an indicator of their decorating colors (I was right, lots of white with pops of purple and orange in the flowers). As  such, when getting my dress for this swanky Chicago wedding, I deliberately did not choose anything purple or orange in color. In fact, my dress was light blue.  My mother (brother's stepmom), chose a black, white, and pink skirt suit (very understated, and she did not want to make MOG feel like my mom was trying to step in), DH (then DF) wore a blue suit with a green tie, and Dad wore a tan suit.  This all becomes important in a moment...

See, when we got to the venue early for pictures, we found that SIL's sister was wearing a bright orange cocktail dress that looked great on her, and was an exact match for the orange flowers. SIL's brother wore a black suit, much like brother and SIL's dad, while SIL's SIL (brother's wife and mother of a flower girl) wore a deep plum dress with an amethyst necklace.  The MOB was wearing a lilac colored suit dress.

What made it painful was the fact that MOB ALSO wore a lilac colored dress (she and MOB coordinated) and my half sister (Brother's full sis), wore a dark purple summerweight dress with the matching chiffon shrug. When I complimented sis on her attire, she stated this was her only "special occasion" dress, which nieces insisted she "wear for date nights" and apparently the wedding.   Bottom line was, in all the family photos, my parents and I looked like total outsiders. If it weren't for the fact that brother, Dad, and I look exactly alike (it looks like Dad spit us both out), you'd think we were crashing the wedding.

I don't blame brother, as he doesn't pay attention to color coordination. I don't blame SIL, as she doesn't know the full background of the bad blood between Dad, ex-wife, and sis, and how they drag my mom and I into it at times. However, I did feel like I didn't belong, and I was hurt again earlier this year when sis showed up to my very nice (if not swanky Chicago evening wedding) wearing the casual black sundress and green cardigan she wore to brother's semi casual rehersal lunch the previous May. Guess that purple special occasion dress was only for specific special occasions.

(Please note, ehellions, I've never said a word about this to my siblings or nieces or parents. DH is the only one who knows how much it hurt me to be treated this way by my sibs).

yokozbornak

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1226
Re: My Spot In E-Hell
« Reply #10 on: October 22, 2014, 08:48:33 AM »
Responding from the other side (after a fashion)....

My brother got married a year ago last May. They chose not to have a bridal party other than the three nieces between them as flower girls. Fine, completely their perogative.

The invitations and what not were all on white paper with dark purple and bright orange lettering. I took this to be an indicator of their decorating colors (I was right, lots of white with pops of purple and orange in the flowers). As  such, when getting my dress for this swanky Chicago wedding, I deliberately did not choose anything purple or orange in color. In fact, my dress was light blue.  My mother (brother's stepmom), chose a black, white, and pink skirt suit (very understated, and she did not want to make MOG feel like my mom was trying to step in), DH (then DF) wore a blue suit with a green tie, and Dad wore a tan suit.  This all becomes important in a moment...

See, when we got to the venue early for pictures, we found that SIL's sister was wearing a bright orange cocktail dress that looked great on her, and was an exact match for the orange flowers. SIL's brother wore a black suit, much like brother and SIL's dad, while SIL's SIL (brother's wife and mother of a flower girl) wore a deep plum dress with an amethyst necklace.  The MOB was wearing a lilac colored suit dress.

What made it painful was the fact that MOB ALSO wore a lilac colored dress (she and MOB coordinated) and my half sister (Brother's full sis), wore a dark purple summerweight dress with the matching chiffon shrug. When I complimented sis on her attire, she stated this was her only "special occasion" dress, which nieces insisted she "wear for date nights" and apparently the wedding.   Bottom line was, in all the family photos, my parents and I looked like total outsiders. If it weren't for the fact that brother, Dad, and I look exactly alike (it looks like Dad spit us both out), you'd think we were crashing the wedding.

I don't blame brother, as he doesn't pay attention to color coordination. I don't blame SIL, as she doesn't know the full background of the bad blood between Dad, ex-wife, and sis, and how they drag my mom and I into it at times. However, I did feel like I didn't belong, and I was hurt again earlier this year when sis showed up to my very nice (if not swanky Chicago evening wedding) wearing the casual black sundress and green cardigan she wore to brother's semi casual rehersal lunch the previous May. Guess that purple special occasion dress was only for specific special occasions.

(Please note, ehellions, I've never said a word about this to my siblings or nieces or parents. DH is the only one who knows how much it hurt me to be treated this way by my sibs).

I guess I am not understanding why you are upset.  It sounds like they chose to coordinate with the wedding colors and you didn't.  I am not seeing how that is a slight on their part.

LtPowers

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 368
Re: My Spot In E-Hell
« Reply #11 on: October 22, 2014, 11:28:33 AM »
(Please note, ehellions, I've never said a word about this to my siblings or nieces or parents. DH is the only one who knows how much it hurt me to be treated this way by my sibs).

Your siblings?  You mean your sister, right?  You explicitly absolved your brother of blame. Though I hardly see how it's her fault either.

Also, you used "MOB" twice to refer two different lilac-attired people, very confusing.


Powers  &8^]

Chipmunky

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 62
Re: My Spot In E-Hell
« Reply #12 on: October 22, 2014, 11:33:13 AM »
snipped.

I guess I am not understanding why you are upset.  It sounds like they chose to coordinate with the wedding colors and you didn't.  I am not seeing how that is a slight on their part.

I was upset about the situation because it made Dad (FOG), my mom (SMOG) and I (Groom's younger sister) look like complete interlopers at this wedding with no sense of coordination. Knowing my sister and her mother as I do, these are not individuals who are above deliberate coordination and behaviors to make others feel excluded. To give another example of this behavior, Sister's mother's family has been known to exclude spouses from photos at special events and holidays as "Family Only" pictures. Considering ALL of the immediate family on both sides, EXCEPT for Dad, myself, and my mom, coordinated with the wedding colors, this wasn't a random chance.

To correct following LtPowers' comment...both MOG and MOB wore the exact same shade, different styles. While I've not blamed my brother for this, my comment about not saying anything to the sibs also meant I was not about to say to him "hey, I know you don't pay attention to color coordination and whatnot, but this happened, and this hurt me as I didn't feel like you considered me (or Dad) real members of your family compared to your Mom, Sis, and your wife's family."

gellchom

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2332
Re: My Spot In E-Hell
« Reply #13 on: October 22, 2014, 02:00:45 PM »
I can understand how you feel when you look at the pictures.

I think what is confusing us is that you say
Quote
I took this to be an indicator of their decorating colors (I was right, lots of white with pops of purple and orange in the flowers). As  such, when getting my dress for this swanky Chicago wedding, I deliberately did not choose anything purple or orange in color.
If I have this straight, no one told you not to wear purple or orange, nor did you ask.  And I also don't see anything in your posts where anyone told anyone else that they should wear purple or orange.  I see why you didn't wear what you guessed were "the wedding colors"; I know you were trying to be considerate.  I still think it's a stretch to see it as a slight to you.  I think you put your own finger right on why it hurts when you mentioned that there are hurt feelings within the family.  Your only evidence that anyone was deliberately trying to make you all feel like outsiders is that "these are not individuals who are above deliberate coordination and behaviors to make others feel excluded."  But for all you know, if you had asked, your brother or the bride might have said, "Wear any color you like" or even "It would be great if you could wear orange or purple if you can find it." 

Regarding the rehearsal dinner outfit for your wedding -- same thing.  I wore a nice casual outfit to my daughter's rehearsal dinner.  If my niece gets married next year and has a casual dress code, I might very well wear that outfit, because I really like it; it wouldn't occur to me not to.  I'm curious; would it have felt better or worse to you if she wore the same dress to your wedding as she wore to your brother's?


lilfox

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1871
Re: My Spot In E-Hell
« Reply #14 on: October 23, 2014, 01:50:16 PM »
Chipmunky, I'd have been upset too:  the only people not told about immediate family wearing coordinating wedding colors were the groom's side, and then only a select few. And if your sister chose to wear something that casual to your wedding, that might have felt like a slight to you but probably gave people the impression she didn't know how to dress properly for the occasion.

Like Stoutgirl, I was on the other side - dating a groomsman who said the wedding colors probably didn't include purple, so I wore a lilac dress and ended up matching the theme (though fortunately not the bridesmaids who were wearing true purple). I was also seated right up front so really looked like I was more closely tied to the family than I was.