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Author Topic: My Spot In E-Hell  (Read 13392 times)

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Re: My Spot In E-Hell
« Reply #15 on: January 08, 2018, 05:45:32 PM »
Hi E-Hellions,

I know that it has been quite a few years since I started this initial thread, but I thought that I would share some interesting updates with a couple of questions.

After a few years of marriage and having two kids, my cousin and her husband divorced. She remarried a couple of months ago.

Since it was her second wedding, I wasn't sure if my family and I would be invited. One day last fall, my sibling (who still lives at home with my parents) reached out to me through social media to let me know that we got an invitation. I now live on my own, and I was still included in under my parents' address. My cousin knows that I am living independently, but I didn't think that sending the invite and including me on my parents' was a big deal - invitations are pricey to print and send.

I did not want to do I did for her first wedding (wearing something similar to the bridesmaids), so I really stressed about my outfit. My sister sent me a photo of the invitation, and it looked like the main color was going to be black. I finally narrowed my outfit down to two options: a navy blue dress or a floral skirt with a coordinating top. I finally decided on the skirt ensemble. When I got home and saw the invitation in person, I discovered that it was actually navy blue - so I was really relieved with my outfit choice. No repeating history YAY!

Since I consider myself an independent adult with a big girl job, I feel that I am responsible for purchasing and giving my own gifts. My Mom offered to include me in on their gift if I wanted to help contribute financially to it - but I was adamant to find something on my own. I have to admit that I had an incredibly difficult time finding something. My cousin (now in her 30s) had a very small registry, but there was nothing on there that I was interested in giving - nothing fun or pretty. And I have to admit that I don't know her tastes very well. It would have been helpful if she could have included an Amazon wish list or a list of colors/styles she likes. So I went rogue and gave something that she, the kids, and her new husband might enjoy: some holiday-themed items (since the wedding was fairly close to the holiday season).

So we go to the HUGE and CROWDED wedding, which honestly was a bit of a letdown. It was mostly things that were out of the bride and groom's control, such as the extremely loud atmosphere that made it very hard to talk with other people. I think that the only thing that was probably not etiquette-approved was that the bride and groom really didn't greet their guests. There was no receiving line, so I assumed that they would come around to the tables to say hello and thank you. They never did. They kind of just hung out with their friends all night. I'm not sure if they just got caught up in the day and forgot to make the rounds? Just curious if this is common? Should we have hunted them down in the really tight crowd to say hello?

Finally, the thank you note. My parents and sister came over to visit me for the holidays and said that they got the thank you note and I was included, and that my sister would scan it and send it to me. I didn't think much of it at the time since I was distracted with the holiday cheer, but a few days later, I started to feel a little...disheartened...that I didn't get my own thank you note. My sister never did scan it so my Mom just read it over the phone. She mentioned my gift in there with my name at least. My cousin most likely doesn't have my mailing address, but she could have called or reached out to my parents or me to find out. I'm not sure this is just one of those woes of being young, single, and living on my own, if I am just looking for something else to complain about with my cousin's wedding, or if what my cousin did was just...not right?

Thanks for reading through this super long update and I would love to know what your thoughts are, E-Hellions!


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Re: My Spot In E-Hell
« Reply #16 on: January 09, 2018, 01:13:02 AM »
If they don't have your postal address they could either have asked your parents for it as you say, or included a stamped envelope for you along with their thanks to your family, and asked them to write your address on the envelope and post it. But, given that your sister still lives at home, and you and your cousin aren't close, it seems to me just as likely that they hadn't grasped that you aren't still at the parental home too.

If they think you are all at the same address, of course their including you in the family invitation was 100% correct (a traditional rule: unmarried daughters living at home don't get separate invitations). And while a true stickler for etiquette who received separate gifts from people living in the same home would have written two separate thank-yous and sent them in two separate envelopes, I don't think they deserve E-hell for sending one message in which they clearly mentioned your own gift as well as the family's and thanked you for it.

Erich L-ster

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Re: My Spot In E-Hell
« Reply #17 on: January 09, 2018, 01:35:54 AM »
Well I have witnessed a wedding guest in a stained and ragged t-shirt with sweatpants that had an unfortunate and rather ugly looking (as in you can probably guess what it was made by and how it got there) stain on the rear end in the center toward the bottom so I'm sure your attire faux pas is nowhere near the bottom of the barrel.

Oh and this was a semi-formal/classy casual in a church. It wasn't backyard bbq or beach (not that there's anything wrong with that but also that outfit wouldn't be appropriate there either). I had worn a long khaki material dress with floral embroidery; husband wore a button up shirt, no tie, khaki pants and leather loafers.
« Last Edit: January 09, 2018, 01:39:06 AM by Erich L-ster »


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Re: My Spot In E-Hell
« Reply #18 on: January 12, 2018, 08:55:00 PM »
OP, I feel what you're saying. After living independently from my parents for years, I'd be slightly annoyed to not receive my own separate invitation and thank you note.

But I think the ruder behaviour by the bride and groom was not bothering to mingle with their guests during their wedding, and only hang out with their friends. Very poor form, IMO.


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Re: My Spot In E-Hell
« Reply #19 on: January 13, 2018, 08:12:19 AM »
I think a fourteen-year-old who made her own homecoming dress is forgivable if she's a little too excitable when wearing said dress at a wedding. An adult who did this would get some side eye.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls


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Re: My Spot In E-Hell
« Reply #20 on: January 13, 2018, 03:56:54 PM »
When I was three, I attended a family wedding reception; during the bride and groom's dance, I ran out onto the floor to join them, skipping in circles around the happy couple.  My dad and grandpa eventually managed to retrieve me.

I'm pretty sure that's not polite.   :D