Etiquette School is in session! > "I'm afraid that won't be possible."

DH finally used this on his M

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First time posting.

We are going on a vacation in a week and driving up to the city where we lived until three years ago (10 hours drive). Our main goal is to visit our two eldest children.  Their work schedules are weird, so we will be seeing one during the day, and one at night.  We have planned our visit to be for three days.  That way, we have a few days for husband to relax before he goes back to his 80 hour work week.

I will give you some background.  My husbands family has always treated him as the red-headed-step-child.  Everything for his mother revolves around his sister.  For years, husband would not get a spine and tell his mother no.  We wrapped our, and our children's schedules around what was convenient for SIL. DH also swore that for this trip, we would not be driving out to his sisters house.  If she wanted to see us she could come to us. (Her home is a hour or more drive away from where we will be staying)

Every year, SIL takes a 10 day trip to our state, brings MIL with her to baby sit.  They have never made any effort to get together with us on one of these trips.  Or to come to our area of the state, which is a resort area.  They usually don't even tell us they are here.

MIL in law kindly offered to let us stay with her.  She at first told husband that she would not make plans for us, as she knew we wanted to spend time with our children.  We also let her know how long we were staying, why, and that our visit was going to revolve around our children's schedules.  She said this was fine, she understood.

Night before last the phone rings.  It is MIL, and she is rather upset, says that the only time SIL can see us is Monday night.  Seems that even though she does not work, the kids have very busy schedules.  Football and everything. Turns out it is SIL's birthday on Monday (this tells you how close DH and Sis are).

We gave a maybe, saying we were sorry, but one of our children has started a new job and won't have a schedule till later this week.  Our plans were to visit with them (and hopefully meet her boyfriends family).  We would get back to them as soon as we knew her schedule.  Now, I want to add, why can't SIL call her brother directly?  But who knows.

Last night, MIL calls, all upset.  Seems that she now expects us to stay for an extra two days, so that we can go to SIL's house on Friday, because that is the only time SIL's schedule will allow.  My husband told her a definite no, reminds his mother we had already told her we planned on leaving on Wednesday, Thursday at the latest.  She starts putting a guilt trip on DH about staying over two extra days.  Husband suggests that perhaps we could get together with SIL on Monday afternoon.  Even though this would probably take out of the time we had hoped to spend with our own daughter.  We have not heard back yet. 

I am now going to price hotels.

Any suggestions from anyone on how to better handle this situation?

Curly Wurly Doggie Breath:
Hello Welcome Hi and G'day.

(((((((((((((welcoming arm pat and maybe a hug))))))))))))))

I'll leave the advice to the others.

My first thought is to stick to your original plans


--- Quote from: swamptribe on July 01, 2014, 08:21:03 AM ---I am now going to price hotels.

Any suggestions from anyone on how to better handle this situation?

--- End quote ---

The bolded is a great idea.

"We're not available on Monday. Sorry."

Be strong.  Expect lots of drama this time. 

I think you guys went astray with the "Maybe".  Don't change one little thing about your plans, and DON'T drive out to SIL's house.  Maybe print out your first post, and read it before/while talking to MIL to stiffen your spine. 

The way I read it your DH said "hmm. maybe we can see SIL on monday at [time reserved for doing something with one of your own children]"

What he should have said was "That won't be possible." or stuck with "No."

Because really, who cares if he sees her on this trip? She makes no effort to see you.


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