Wedding Bliss and Blues > Gifts, Registries and Money

DH's friend getting married, how much money to give

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Scott, a former good friend of my DH is getting married tomorrow.  DH and Scott were best friends in high school, Scott was one of DH's groomsmen.  In the 4 years since DH and I were married, Scott and DH's friendship has change significantly, to the point that they haven't spoken in over a year.  It was not malice, just a general fading away of a friendship.

4 years ago Scott was seeing a different girl then he is getting married to, that combined with the change in friendship and our finances, I don't feel it is necessary to reciprocate with the same amount of money as a wedding gift. 

What does anyne else think?  Are you obligated to give the same amount of money that someone else gave you?

Tea Drinker:
I don't think it needs to be the same amount--it's reasonable to base the gift both on how close you are to the people getting married, and your own budget. (Conversely, if you had all been broke students four years ago and you and your husband now had well-paying jobs, you might give a close friend a larger gift than they'd given you.)

I take into account our relationship, and try to match the same level of generosity. If a millionaire gave me $100 for my wedding it wouldn't be as generous as if a starving student had.

There was a poll/thread in the coffee break folder a little while ago (maybe started by LadyL?) which might give you some more data to review.

shhh its me:
 Has the friendship faded in a way that can not be revived ?  that would effect my answer a little.

My general rule is $100 if I don't wantto give you that amount I don't attend.   Note WANT not can , there have been times I was out of work etc that I had to give less but I wanted to give more, does that make sense?

I don't think it has to be you gave me $500 so I have to give you $500 but I probably would let how generous a person was with me sway me a little.  ie if someone gave me $200 I wouldn't feel weird about giving $100 but I might feel funny if they gave me $500 and I only wanted to give them $50.

Outdoor Girl:
Are you even invited to the wedding?  I would find it strange if someone you haven't spoken to in a year invited you to his wedding.

If that's the case, you don't need to send a gift at all.  Regardless, you don't need to reciprocate with the same amount.  Give what you feel comfortable giving and call it good.


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