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Author Topic: Too "overweight" to attend a wedding  (Read 38600 times)

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ILoveMyCello

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Too "overweight" to attend a wedding
« on: July 13, 2014, 10:08:56 AM »
A "friend" sent me an invitation to her bridal shower but not to her wedding. She told me when I saw her that I was "too overweight" to attend. We are in a group of four friends that regularly hang out and socialize with and without our significant others. The other girls in my group were all invited-but are also all size 0.
My boyfriend told me not to go to the bridal shower as it was a way to get more gifts. Why would someone say that?!

quietgirl

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Re: Too "overweight" to attend a wedding
« Reply #1 on: July 13, 2014, 10:11:44 AM »
I'm so sorry.  That is not a friend. 

Why would someone say that?  Because that person is mean and shallow.

You didn't ask, but ((Hugs))

missmolly

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Re: Too "overweight" to attend a wedding
« Reply #2 on: July 13, 2014, 10:19:58 AM »
Cut her off. You don't need poison like that in your life.

I pity her honestly, because in five years time she's going to wonder where all her friends have gone.
"Any idiot can face a crisis, it is this day-to-day living that wears you out". Chekhov.

Promise

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Re: Too "overweight" to attend a wedding
« Reply #3 on: July 13, 2014, 10:20:42 AM »
I am so sorry you had to go through that and have someone say that to you. I've heard of people doing this to others when discussing wedding attendants but have never heard it to attend the wedding. Both are cruel and just plain hurtful. She is someone I would drop from my life until or unless there is a sincere apology admitting her behavior. I would also let her know how she hurt you. In person. This is the utmost in narcissistic behavior. You have my sympathies.

On a side note, it makes me wonder about her fiance'. It makes me wonder how she will treat her children if they are not perfect in her eyes. What if she has a girl who loves sports and getting dirty or a boy who is nerdy and technical. If she is this controlling and wanting perfection now, their future is scary.

kherbert05

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    • Trees downed in my yard by Ike and the clean up
Re: Too "overweight" to attend a wedding
« Reply #4 on: July 13, 2014, 10:22:28 AM »
PODing the advice to cut her off. I would also tell the truth to anyone that asks why you aren't at the shower or wedding.
Don't Teach Them For Your Past. Teach Them For Their Future

poundcake

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Re: Too "overweight" to attend a wedding
« Reply #5 on: July 13, 2014, 10:35:57 AM »
Give me her address, because I have a few words for her, most of them unprintable in eHell.

BarensMom

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Re: Too "overweight" to attend a wedding
« Reply #6 on: July 13, 2014, 10:39:09 AM »
PODing as well, cut the shallow **tch from your life.

We overweight people have enough to deal with from the world at large, and we certainly don't need this malarky from so-called friends.

Curly Wurly Doggie Breath

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Re: Too "overweight" to attend a wedding
« Reply #7 on: July 13, 2014, 10:40:38 AM »
from one big gall to another ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((soft Hugs))))))))))))))))))))))):'(

                          The Southern Cross Flag. Australia

shhh its me

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Re: Too "overweight" to attend a wedding
« Reply #8 on: July 13, 2014, 10:47:30 AM »
Firstly  hugs   
She was raised by wolves? no that cant be it wolves are more civil. She's not fit for human society , she may fit in with a colony of rodents.

OP she did actually utter the words right , you're not assuming/concluding? and it wasn't in the context "There is a 4 mile hike up a mountain and you have told me you can't psychically hike"?  or "we're having a small wedding , so I'm just going to invite you to the shower." (which is rude in itself but not cut direct worthy rude IMHO)

I have an etiquette question....

This is so egregious is it repeatable ? Would telling a 3rd party be gossip or a fair warning? It doesn't fall under the must warn for safety sake but can someone be so mean that telling 3rd parties is acceptable?

kudeebee

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Re: Too "overweight" to attend a wedding
« Reply #9 on: July 13, 2014, 10:52:34 AM »
I agree with your bf. Send your regrets for the shower and do not send a gift.

This person is not a friend. I would drop her and find new friends.

ILoveMyCello

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Re: Too "overweight" to attend a wedding
« Reply #10 on: July 13, 2014, 10:58:59 AM »
Thanks for all the kind words! :) I am overweight but work very hard to wear appropriate clothing and carry myself in a good way. I was shocked because I considered her a good friend and she had never said anything to me in a hurtful way before. However thinking about it-I wouldn't put it past her. It sucks it has to end this way though.

Sparkly Tiara

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Re: Too "overweight" to attend a wedding
« Reply #11 on: July 13, 2014, 11:26:29 AM »
Put her in the outbox.   :(

poundcake

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Re: Too "overweight" to attend a wedding
« Reply #12 on: July 13, 2014, 11:29:31 AM »
Quote
I have an etiquette question....

This is so egregious is it repeatable ? Would telling a 3rd party be gossip or a fair warning? It doesn't fall under the must warn for safety sake but can someone be so mean that telling 3rd parties is acceptable?

I don't think Cello should go out of her way to tell people, but if someone asks "Why aren't you going to Zero's wedding?" or "How come you didn't invite Zero out to lunch with us?" she's perfectly justified in saying, "I've decided that after she told me I was welcome at her bridal shower but was, in her exact words, 'too overweight' to attend her wedding, that I would rethink my friendship with her."

MrTango

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Re: Too "overweight" to attend a wedding
« Reply #13 on: July 13, 2014, 11:46:15 AM »
That sounds like behavior worthy of being cut off.

Twik

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Re: Too "overweight" to attend a wedding
« Reply #14 on: July 13, 2014, 11:51:26 AM »
You know, I've heard of people saying that certain friends were too heavy to be bridesmaids. That's bad enough.

But to say to a friend, "You're too heavy to even show your face at my wedding! I can't bear the thought that people would think I have friends like that. Oh, but you're quite welcome to give me presents to celebrate the wedding I won't let you come to," is beyond the beyond.

I can't even get my mind around this. I suppose people get away with it because normal rational people like the OP just go "What? Does not compute. That can't really have happened, did it?" instead of "you are a despicable person, and the chance of me bringing you a shower gift are about as good as a three-toed sloth winning the Kentucky Derby."
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."