News:

  • April 22, 2018, 07:34:05 AM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: Leant someone my bike and now all they do is badmouth the bike  (Read 7925 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

BuffaloFang

  • Member
  • Posts: 1340
A few years ago I purchased my first road bike for roughly $700.  MSRP places the bike at about $1100 but I got an amazing deal.  It's a kid's bike, but I am about kid sized and the geometry is the same as an XS women's bike, and it came with better components for the same price than you could get in a woman's bike.

A few years later I upgraded to a nicer road bike.  I kept the old bike out of nostalgia mostly with the idea that I could swap out the pedals and perhaps use it as a commuter bike.  In the meantime I made some friends whose wives are my height.  They expressed some interest in cycling, and I knew from my own experience that the barrier to entry (price of a bike) was a huge gamble on whether or not you'd even like the sport, so I offered to let them use my bike to see if they even enjoyed it.

The first wife who tried it forgot to lock the brakes, and then came back and said the bike was terrible, she felt out of control, and then admitted her mistake.  Then went on to buy her own bike roughly comparable to mine.

The second wife decided she hated road cycling (being pitched forward all the time) and decided to look for a cruiser bike.

All fine, except the first wife keeps telling me my bike is terrible, how it's a stupid kid's bike, and how it's cheap and horrible.  It's the same geometry, and it's her own dang fault for forgetting to lock the brakes down.  She's also asked if she could borrow my "junk" bike to practice changing flats.  I told her no. 

Recently I found out both of them spend considerable time deriding the bike with each other behind my back.  It's a nice bike! It's not my fault they're idiots/not cyclists.  I'm not sure how to respond to the first wife if she brings it up again.  I'm debating just laying it out that I just loaned it to her to be nice so she'd know whether or not she wanted to drop a thousand dollars on a bike before actually doing it, but next time forget it.  I kind of want to text my friend and say it unprovoked, but I probably wasn't supposed to hear about the badmouthing behind my back. What would you do?  Admittedly, i'm kind of hurt even though I know my value isn't tied up to my old bike, so I'm not sure I'm even thinking clearly.

Raintree

  • Member
  • Posts: 6870
Re: Leant someone my bike and now all they do is badmouth the bike
« Reply #1 on: July 22, 2014, 12:29:57 AM »
Next time either of them says anything about your horrible bike, say, "I'm sorry my loaning it to you caused you so much distress. I had thought I was doing you a favour. Rest assured I've learned my lesson and it won't happen again."

(Or something along those lines; I am sure the e-hellions here will come up with a variety of great ways to convey the point).

And then, really do not lend them anything ever again or offer to extend any kind of favour.

cicero

  • Member
  • Posts: 19677
Re: Leant someone my bike and now all they do is badmouth the bike
« Reply #2 on: July 22, 2014, 01:41:28 AM »


Recently I found out both of them spend considerable time deriding the bike with each other behind my back.  It's a nice bike! It's not my fault they're idiots/not cyclists.  I'm not sure how to respond to the first wife if she brings it up again.  I'm debating just laying it out that I just loaned it to her to be nice so she'd know whether or not she wanted to drop a thousand dollars on a bike before actually doing it, but next time forget it.  I kind of want to text my friend and say it unprovoked, but I probably wasn't supposed to hear about the badmouthing behind my back. What would you do?  Admittedly, i'm kind of hurt even though I know my value isn't tied up to my old bike, so I'm not sure I'm even thinking clearly.
So two (assumedly ) grown women are badmouthing an inanimate object that you kindly loaned to them? this is entirely on them and if it's true that they are spending "considerable" time on this, then they both need to get a life. the only way i would ever respond to this if it came up is to raise an eyebrow and say "seriously? are we still flogging that old donkey?" and change the subject. and I would probably find other people to hange around with.
It really doesn't matter whose "fault" it was that they had an unpleasant experience - you certainly didn't do this on purpose, and if they forgot or didn't know then it doesn't matter anyway.

            Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools

Oh Joy

  • Member
  • Posts: 2068
Re: Leant someone my bike and now all they do is badmouth the bike
« Reply #3 on: July 22, 2014, 03:19:29 AM »
If they are unkind people, back off the intimacy with them.  Do not text or talk with or about them, except for social courtesies when attending an event together.  No need to join schoolyard gossip or snark.

Steer necessary conversations toward a more neutral topic.  If they bring up your bicycle with a negative tone, make a gentle inquiry of, "What are you trying to say?" or "Why are you telling me that?"

Yet don't forget that a dislike of something you happen to own is not an insult to you or your generosity in itself.

Best wishes.

Kiwichick

  • Member
  • Posts: 1769
  • Is anyone else hungry now?
Re: Leant someone my bike and now all they do is badmouth the bike
« Reply #4 on: July 22, 2014, 05:34:13 AM »
I'd just go with a bland 'So you've said' if anything is said directly to you.  I'd ignore the rest and never lend either of them anything again.

Ceallach

  • Member
  • Posts: 4493
    • This Is It
Re: Leant someone my bike and now all they do is badmouth the bike
« Reply #5 on: July 22, 2014, 06:58:07 AM »
Next time either of them says anything about your horrible bike, say, "I'm sorry my loaning it to you caused you so much distress. I had thought I was doing you a favour. Rest assured I've learned my lesson and it won't happen again."

(Or something along those lines; I am sure the e-hellions here will come up with a variety of great ways to convey the point).

And then, really do not lend them anything ever again or offer to extend any kind of favour.

I like this!  If said politely and calmly it's a great way to make your point and get them to stop the bad mouthing at least.  If they have any kind of conscience it would probably also have them backtracking and apologizing!
"Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something"


Lynn2000

  • Member
  • Posts: 8322
Re: Leant someone my bike and now all they do is badmouth the bike
« Reply #6 on: July 22, 2014, 07:41:33 AM »
They sound very immature, to be so fixated on this! I would probably try to step back emotionally and think something like, "How sad and small their lives must be, to still be talking about this." I wouldn't say that out loud, of course, but I find that sometimes this lets me distance myself from the irritation I feel and helps me get them out of my head.

I like all the various suggestions for wording, should it ever come up again. Another one might be, "Oh? It worked perfectly well for me," or "I always liked it fine," with a shrug. It has to be very casual, though, and not defensive or they might start expounding on their reasons. You could also try kind of a half-smile and say, "Are you guys still trashing my bike? After all this time?" in a tone like, "Oh, you silly knuckleheads!"

I do think people sometimes get caught up in a negative experience and they almost forget who they're talking to, or that they don't agree. Like the time when I was kid and was going on and on about how overdone my baked potato was, and my mom finally snapped, "Okay, I don't really like hearing over and over how bad my cooking is, thanks!"  :-[ You want to avoid getting to the "snapping" moment, so whether that's by distancing yourself from the irritation, or more gently reminding them that it's your bike and you never had trouble with it, is up to you.
~Lynn2000

esposita

  • Member
  • Posts: 514
  • If you have the power to make someone happy, do it
Re: Leant someone my bike and now all they do is badmouth the bike
« Reply #7 on: July 22, 2014, 07:49:54 AM »
Once upon a time two people were going through a small selection of my books. One kept saying to the other "This one is dumb." "Haha! This one is SO lame!" "Can you believe this?!" I finally spoke up and said in a jovial tone while smiling "You do realize that this is my collection of books, that I've paid for and brought into my house, on purpose, right?" It shut him up. Maybe something like that would work here?

Yvaine

  • Member
  • Posts: 10050
Re: Leant someone my bike and now all they do is badmouth the bike
« Reply #8 on: July 22, 2014, 08:05:27 AM »
Once upon a time two people were going through a small selection of my books. One kept saying to the other "This one is dumb." "Haha! This one is SO lame!" "Can you believe this?!" I finally spoke up and said in a jovial tone while smiling "You do realize that this is my collection of books, that I've paid for and brought into my house, on purpose, right?" It shut him up. Maybe something like that would work here?

Oh, I hate that. I had an acquaintance who stopped getting invited to my house because he kept picking up my books, sneering, and reading off the titles like they were jokes. (We had a major difference in spiritual beliefs and he thought mine were a crock, basically.)

peaches

  • Member
  • Posts: 1073
Re: Leant someone my bike and now all they do is badmouth the bike
« Reply #9 on: July 22, 2014, 08:09:42 AM »
This goes into the "No good deed goes unpunished" category. Very frustrating.

I would say:
"I understand that you donít like my older bike. But why do you keep bringing it up?"

And I would find it very easy to say no to future requests.

Outdoor Girl

  • Member
  • Posts: 16737
Re: Leant someone my bike and now all they do is badmouth the bike
« Reply #10 on: July 22, 2014, 08:10:45 AM »
Next time either of them says anything about your horrible bike, say, "I'm sorry my loaning it to you caused you so much distress. I had thought I was doing you a favour. Rest assured I've learned my lesson and it won't happen again."

(Or something along those lines; I am sure the e-hellions here will come up with a variety of great ways to convey the point).

And then, really do not lend them anything ever again or offer to extend any kind of favour.

This is perfect.  And I agree; never lend them anything again.
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

MindsEye

  • Member
  • Posts: 1008
Re: Leant someone my bike and now all they do is badmouth the bike
« Reply #11 on: July 22, 2014, 08:14:50 AM »
Once upon a time two people were going through a small selection of my books. One kept saying to the other "This one is dumb." "Haha! This one is SO lame!" "Can you believe this?!" I finally spoke up and said in a jovial tone while smiling "You do realize that this is my collection of books, that I've paid for and brought into my house, on purpose, right?" It shut him up. Maybe something like that would work here?

Ahhh literature snobs...   ::)  I had an acquaintance do sometime similar with my books... until they came to the one that they wanted to read... "Oooo I have heard so much about this one, everyone says it is great, can I borrow it?"  My response "Are you kidding?  After what you just said about the rest of my books?  <Expletive> no."

The person was actually flabbergasted that I wasn't going to lend them my book....

Winterlight

  • On the internet, no one can tell you're a dog- arf.
  • Member
  • Posts: 10223
Re: Leant someone my bike and now all they do is badmouth the bike
« Reply #12 on: July 22, 2014, 08:15:25 AM »
Next time either of them says anything about your horrible bike, say, "I'm sorry my loaning it to you caused you so much distress. I had thought I was doing you a favour. Rest assured I've learned my lesson and it won't happen again."

(Or something along those lines; I am sure the e-hellions here will come up with a variety of great ways to convey the point).

And then, really do not lend them anything ever again or offer to extend any kind of favour.

This. What are they, twelve?
If wisdomís ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

mime

  • Member
  • Posts: 1908
Re: Leant someone my bike and now all they do is badmouth the bike
« Reply #13 on: July 22, 2014, 09:05:25 AM »
I'd respond with something like "Wow, this really bothers you, doesn't it? You still bring it up so often!"

I'd also want to add something to the effect of "maybe with a little more practice you could have handled the brakes better / gained comfort with the posture / etc."

OP, I love your comment:
It's a nice bike! It's not my fault they're idiots/not cyclists. 
Too bad there's just not a nice way to say this to those women!

Deetee

  • Member
  • Posts: 6104
Re: Leant someone my bike and now all they do is badmouth the bike
« Reply #14 on: July 22, 2014, 09:14:54 AM »
I would go with a more positive spin to any talk of the bike. Something like "Oh my little bike? I loved that bike. It is the perfect size for me and was such a good deal. I must have ridden it thousands of kilometers. It is so responsive and the perfect weight as well. Etc.. Etc.. I'm sorry you didn't enjoy your ride but I love that bike. Don't worry I won't make you ride it again! It's too precious."

By being positive about the bike instead of chastising of your friends, you get across that they are insulting something that you you love and you do not agree with the assessment. It's a bit like the approach used when someone is being mildly racist or sexist.

And what is "locking the brakes"?