Author Topic: I Don't Want to be Your Buddy In or Out of Work  (Read 10104 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

AfleetAlex

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 433
  • Proud cat mom and Auntie
Re: I Don't Want to be Your Buddy In or Out of Work
« Reply #30 on: July 25, 2014, 03:35:21 PM »
Yarnspinner, I eagerly await the book you should write upon retirement about all the people you've worked with over the years!  ;D
I have a chronic case of foot-in-mouth disease.

Lynda_34

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1128
Re: I Don't Want to be Your Buddy In or Out of Work
« Reply #31 on: July 27, 2014, 12:02:14 AM »
Yarnspinner, I eagerly await the book you should write upon retirement about all the people you've worked with over the years!  ;D

pod

SoCalVal

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2464
Re: I Don't Want to be Your Buddy In or Out of Work
« Reply #32 on: July 27, 2014, 10:04:35 AM »
If you say something like, "Oh, I don't like to talk about that," she'll be like, "Why? Why? Why?" like a toddler. ::) Then, she'll make an outrageous statement, I guess in the hopes of provoking you into correcting her and giving her the info she wants. Like, she'll want to know how much money your house cost, and if you refuse to tell her, she'll be like, "I bet it's a lot more than you could afford and you had to go really into debt to buy it."

I once had a coworker who was like this when I didn't want to give her particular information about myself.  She then jumped to an (incorrect) assumption similar to the above, and I simply said something like, "Okay."  You could just see her sitting there glowering because I wouldn't rise to her bait (she wanted the info about me in order to make generalizations on my personality based on the info she needed -- generalizations I think are coincidental and, otherwise, a bunch of hooey so I told her I wasn't telling her because I wasn't about to let her pigeonhole me like she was doing with the other employees).



Lynn2000

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5208
Re: I Don't Want to be Your Buddy In or Out of Work
« Reply #33 on: July 27, 2014, 02:07:32 PM »
If you say something like, "Oh, I don't like to talk about that," she'll be like, "Why? Why? Why?" like a toddler. ::) Then, she'll make an outrageous statement, I guess in the hopes of provoking you into correcting her and giving her the info she wants. Like, she'll want to know how much money your house cost, and if you refuse to tell her, she'll be like, "I bet it's a lot more than you could afford and you had to go really into debt to buy it."

I once had a coworker who was like this when I didn't want to give her particular information about myself.  She then jumped to an (incorrect) assumption similar to the above, and I simply said something like, "Okay."  You could just see her sitting there glowering because I wouldn't rise to her bait (she wanted the info about me in order to make generalizations on my personality based on the info she needed -- generalizations I think are coincidental and, otherwise, a bunch of hooey so I told her I wasn't telling her because I wasn't about to let her pigeonhole me like she was doing with the other employees).

The thing with my co-worker Grace (described above) is that if you say "Okay, sure," to her outrageous assumption, she'll be like, "Oh, so it's true, you did go into debt to buy your house!" and then dance off to gossip with it about everyone. ::) I will hear back from people, "Grace said you told her you went into debt to buy your house." To which I always reply, "Why would you believe anything Grace says?"

But, I've known Grace for over ten years and I know she has good points as well, and I do my best to avoid discussing anything personal with her or asking her opinion on anything. So we actually get along fairly well. She has reduced other co-workers to tears and was instrumental in at least one quitting.  >:(

I was just imagining Rowena this way--it can be hard to picture a truly persistent, rude interrogator if you've never seen one.
~Lynn2000

SoCalVal

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2464
Re: I Don't Want to be Your Buddy In or Out of Work
« Reply #34 on: July 27, 2014, 11:00:26 PM »
If you say something like, "Oh, I don't like to talk about that," she'll be like, "Why? Why? Why?" like a toddler. ::) Then, she'll make an outrageous statement, I guess in the hopes of provoking you into correcting her and giving her the info she wants. Like, she'll want to know how much money your house cost, and if you refuse to tell her, she'll be like, "I bet it's a lot more than you could afford and you had to go really into debt to buy it."

I once had a coworker who was like this when I didn't want to give her particular information about myself.  She then jumped to an (incorrect) assumption similar to the above, and I simply said something like, "Okay."  You could just see her sitting there glowering because I wouldn't rise to her bait (she wanted the info about me in order to make generalizations on my personality based on the info she needed -- generalizations I think are coincidental and, otherwise, a bunch of hooey so I told her I wasn't telling her because I wasn't about to let her pigeonhole me like she was doing with the other employees).

The thing with my co-worker Grace (described above) is that if you say "Okay, sure," to her outrageous assumption, she'll be like, "Oh, so it's true, you did go into debt to buy your house!" and then dance off to gossip with it about everyone. ::) I will hear back from people, "Grace said you told her you went into debt to buy your house." To which I always reply, "Why would you believe anything Grace says?"

Oh, when I replied, "Okay," she narrowed her eyes and looked at me and said, "Yeah, you're such-and-such incorrect generalization."  I again said, "Okay" in an obvious, offhand, I-couldn't-care-less manner and kept working on whatever it was I was working on.  Coworker was still peeved because her baiting wasn't working on me (thinking about it makes me laugh inside still).  All I could think is, "I'm not about to tell you what you want to know because it's far more important to me to not give you ammo."



LifeOnPluto

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6551
    • Blog
Re: I Don't Want to be Your Buddy In or Out of Work
« Reply #35 on: July 27, 2014, 11:50:44 PM »
Wow. My first thought was that perhaps Rowena fancies you?

I agree with posters who say definitely stop hanging out with her. I suspect that Rowena will probably ask you why you're no longer spending time with her. I'd be honest and say "Rowena, I have nothing against you as a co-worker, but I don't feel we've got much in common. And after you tried to kiss me on previous occasions, I don't feel comfortable hanging out with you outside of work."

She may try to defend herself, or convince you to change your mind. In which case, I'd say "Rowena, the decision's been made. Please don't keep bringing this up."

JeanFromBNA

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2274
Re: I Don't Want to be Your Buddy In or Out of Work
« Reply #36 on: July 29, 2014, 03:05:12 PM »
If she asked me if I was a serial killer, I'd just kind of smile to myself . . .



Yarnspinner, do you have a blog?  Because if you don't, you need one.

Yarnspinner

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3911
Re: I Don't Want to be Your Buddy In or Out of Work
« Reply #37 on: July 29, 2014, 10:54:08 PM »
Jean, if I had a blog, I would have been found out by now and fired, I think.  Not that it stops me from wanting to start one.  How does Miss Information get away with her blog which is often scathing, I wonder. 

Happy news:  Rowena leaves for an extended vacation this week to her home planet, I mean, country of origin.

I don't have to worry about emails or phone calls for at least three weeks.  By then, I will be too busy with the new position (I have been transferred to a branch and have a whole new bunch of fun projects to work on, yay!) to have time to do anything but go home and sleep.  (Yeah, I don't believe that one, either, but after conferring with my new supervisor, it sounds like I will finally lose the weight I have been trying to drop.).

I have to be fair to Rowena:  I made a mistake about the clothing issues.  She was warned about her clothing a couple of times, but was sent home because her dress was white and she was wearing all black underwear beneath it.  When she came BACK she was wearing a short skirted dress with a low and back that had some sort of built in support in the front...but from the back she still looked half dressed.  So they insisted she wear a sweater. 

I don't know that she fancies me in particular.  We went out with another co worker once before and she kissed both of us (that was the first time). 

As for her "manipulating things" as I called it, I don't mean she is working some Machiavellian plot by pretending not to speak English well...I meant she is trying to manipulate us to feel bad because we are picking on poor pitiful her and she just doesn't understand our customs, y9ou know?  And why wouldn't anyone want to hire her full time?  She has such a good resume?  Lather, rinse, repeat.

We've had a big shake up at work (which is why I am being moved) and I think she is hoping she is going to be moved to the position I occupied. 

I wish her much luck with that.

daen

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 715
Re: I Don't Want to be Your Buddy In or Out of Work
« Reply #38 on: July 30, 2014, 01:25:45 PM »
Jean, if I had a blog, I would have been found out by now and fired, I think.  Not that it stops me from wanting to start one.  How does Miss Information get away with her blog which is often scathing, I wonder. 

<snip>


Another blog for my must-read list! I thank you, even if my to-do list doesn't.

bopper

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12337
Re: I Don't Want to be Your Buddy In or Out of Work
« Reply #39 on: July 31, 2014, 10:25:57 AM »
Yarnspinner:  "The Gift of Fear".  Your library must have it. :-)  Read it to learn how to deal with persistent, inappropriate people.

wyliefool

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1876
Re: I Don't Want to be Your Buddy In or Out of Work
« Reply #40 on: August 05, 2014, 12:43:08 PM »
You're right, I am a g@y, mentally ill serial killer......Does anyone know where you are tonight? ...... Do they know who you're with?.......

 >:D

Venus193

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 15893
  • Backstage passes are wonderful things!
Re: I Don't Want to be Your Buddy In or Out of Work
« Reply #41 on: August 06, 2014, 05:56:15 AM »
What first mystifies me about Rowena is how does she maintain employment in a library when her English is allegedly deficient?

Having said that, the rest of her behavior is so inappropriate I am surprised she is employed at all.

Lucky you that after your transfer you will not have to deal with her.  My recommendation would have been to not engage her about anything unrelated to work.

daen

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 715
Re: I Don't Want to be Your Buddy In or Out of Work
« Reply #42 on: August 06, 2014, 12:23:28 PM »
What first mystifies me about Rowena is how does she maintain employment in a library when her English is allegedly deficient?

Having said that, the rest of her behavior is so inappropriate I am surprised she is employed at all.

Lucky you that after your transfer you will not have to deal with her.  My recommendation would have been to not engage her about anything unrelated to work.

Agreed. We have one employee whose English is limited, and thus duties are similarly limited - mostly shelving, with a bit of basic circulation and finding another staff member to assist the patron in anything more complicated than "where are the children's books?"

Softly Spoken

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 614
  • "I am a hawk on a cliff..."
Re: I Don't Want to be Your Buddy In or Out of Work
« Reply #43 on: August 09, 2014, 04:04:55 PM »
You know, reading your description, I am really surprised that she isn't an oversharer as well as a nosy parker. She has such a high opinion of herself, her ambition and paranoia that personal info = career death must be the only thing stopping her. Based on how you describe her personality, I have devised the following theory...

I might suggest returning her questions onto her. No one should ask something they aren't prepared to answer themselves. It is also considered polite, no you could even say it is expected to return some probing personal questions if you are trying to get to know a person ;). The trick is to ask in a very friendly and excited manner, like you can't wait to hear about her own marital status, or her children or whatever it is she is bugging you about. I realize you don't want to actually talk to her, but since she has indicated she doesn't want to share personal info you would actually be doing a little reverse psychology on her. Like when the rabbit begs the fox not to throw him in the deep dark burrow hole.  >:D You could drive her away with your redirects.

She asks about your love life? - "Oh you know me perpetually single - but enough about me what about you any good prospects lately? *big smile*"
She asks about kids - "Nope no kids yet - are you planning on having any?" *big smile*
She asks about retirement - "Eh not yet. Are you looking forward to it?"*big smile*

You see, you can come across as operating on the assumption that she is bringing these things up because she has a personal interest in them, and you are politely giving her the opportunity to talk about it. Because you are so sweet kind etc. etc. >:D And if she says no no she wants to hear about you - "Oh well there's not much to hear on that front when it comes to me. *puzzled look* I thought you wanted to talk about it because you were interested in getting married/having kids/retiring/etc. Huh. Oh well! Guess if neither of us cares then we can get back to work!"  ;)

Basically, with enough false cheer and feigned polite interest, you might be able to reflect her nosiness back on her and send her scurrying before she has to give up any valuable personal info.

That's my idea anyway.  :)

~*~*~*~*~*~*
As to the dinner invites, PPs have given you good advice and basically told you what you probably already know: spit-polish that darn spine and politely decline! ;)
"... for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."
-William Shakespeare

"We find comfort among those who agree with us - growth among those who don't."  ~Frank A. Clark

KarenK

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2031
Re: I Don't Want to be Your Buddy In or Out of Work
« Reply #44 on: August 14, 2014, 08:20:02 AM »
I happen to be Polish (and live in Poland) and my mother and one of closest friends are actually librarians, so I can definitely say that:
1 - no, the attire described is NOT how they dress to work;
2 - we don't habitually kiss friends on the lips;
3 - and really we do not behave that way, although
4 - small talk is largely unknown in Poland in the form you practice in the UK and US, so for instance, if you ask someone "How are you", by Jove, better be prepared to hear in detail how they really are, including bowel movements and marital problem. This one is, indeed, cultural.
LoL so my US-born father, whose parents moved from Poland to the US after WWII, somehow managed to pass this gene on to him? and the gene thankfully skipped me? now it's all becoming very clear why he doesn't get it that I *do not* want to hear about his constipation ::)

So apparently my father is Polish too.

Mine, too. Who knew?