Author Topic: Wow! That's Expensive!!  (Read 7494 times)

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TurtleDove

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Re: Wow! That's Expensive!!
« Reply #60 on: July 23, 2014, 02:38:19 PM »
The opposite happens too.  I'm hypothyroid and even with treatment, eating right, and exercise, I have trouble losing weight.  In a way you were lucky, not to be hypothyroid.  In a way, a person with money to spend may have been lucky to be born into a society where they could get a good job and accumulate wealth, and haven't experienced any staggering financial losses.  But the commentary is rude.  So I think the best response is just to smile and agree that you are lucky, and it is nice to buy nice things.

I am also hypothyroid - makes things all that much more difficult for sure.  But yes, commentary about "luck" is best to ignore and assume people are coming from a good place.  I try to never make assumptions about how hard someone has (or has not) worked to get whatever it is they have.  Some people have trust funds; other people worked two jobs while going to school full time.  Life isn't fair, but it can come across as dismissive to label someone as "lucky" for x, y or z.

lilfox

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Re: Wow! That's Expensive!!
« Reply #61 on: July 23, 2014, 02:46:32 PM »
I have a feeling that if Jane is telling Jon that OP was rubbing her spending habits in Jane's face, any response OP makes to Jane's (or Jon's) money comments isn't going to be taken well.  "I saved up for this" = implying Jane can't manage her own money well.  "It's good construction and will last years" = implying Jane buys only cheaply made things.  Even an "Okay..." or shrug could be read as dismissive if one is inclined to be insulted about someone else's spending habits.  I mean, she's already reading OP's ability to spend $45 as a somewhat personal affront.

I think it's a no-win situation all around.  I would probably respond with something like "Oh yeah, I noticed the price.  I'll have to think about it."  The hidden meaning, much like saying you have "other plans" when those other plans are sitting around watching TV, is you're thinking about whether you want the skirt itself, not worrying about the price.

I'd also guess that their complaint about the drinks isn't that it's a margarita for $7 and not $2, but that you'd buy a $7 cocktail instead of a $2 happy hour special or soda simply because it is cheaper.

I hope Jane (at least) has other non-money-related good traits that make her a worthwhile friend, but I would avoid situations with her that involve spending money.

rose red

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Re: Wow! That's Expensive!!
« Reply #62 on: July 23, 2014, 02:48:05 PM »
I bought a new car last fall.  I know there were a few people with the 'must be nice' line around.

But then, I don't smoke, I don't drink much, I don't go out for dinner or get take out more than twice a month, I don't buy convenience food and I don't take a tropical vacation every winter.  So yeah, I can afford to buy a new car rather than a used beater.

It annoys me no end when coworkers moan about having no money and yet have no problem spending $15-$20 a day on cigarettes, coffee and take out for lunch.  That's around $5000 a year right there! (5 days a week X 50 weeks)

Oh yeah. There are those who can't see the big picture and don't think the pennies add up. I have coworkers who eat breakfast and lunch from restaurants or from the company cafeteria every single day. That's at least $50 a week. Yet they can't believe I spent over $100 for a purse when purses can be brought for $20-30. Well, I admit $100 is a lot of money but the purse will last me years and years (if I use it for even one year, that's less than one penny a day). I have no problem with them eating out. It's their money and it makes them happy. But I have to secretly roll my eyes at how they can't see they are actually spending more than I do. It just seems less when it's only $5 here and $7 there.

lowspark

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Re: Wow! That's Expensive!!
« Reply #63 on: July 23, 2014, 03:02:59 PM »
I mean, she's already reading OP's ability to spend $45 as a somewhat personal affront.

This is exactly it! She sees OP's purchases as a personal affront! That's ridiculous! What I spend on something has absolutely no affect on you. And vice versa.

And maybe that's the answer. When she says something you are buying is expensive, I might be tempted to say, "How does that affect you?" Well, I probably wouldn't. I'd probably still just say "Is it? hmmm." or something like that. But if it got to the point where I was really fed up and wanted to say something to really make her stop, this might be the way to go.

Allyson

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Re: Wow! That's Expensive!!
« Reply #64 on: July 23, 2014, 03:10:41 PM »

I am also hypothyroid - makes things all that much more difficult for sure.  But yes, commentary about "luck" is best to ignore and assume people are coming from a good place.  I try to never make assumptions about how hard someone has (or has not) worked to get whatever it is they have.  Some people have trust funds; other people worked two jobs while going to school full time.  Life isn't fair, but it can come across as dismissive to label someone as "lucky" for x, y or z.

I agree with this totally. First, the assumptions might be wrong. And second, ok, so someone has a trust fund/good metabolism/friends in high places. Making passive-aggressive digs about their luck is not fair or nice; what are they supposed to do? Sure, it's one thing if that person is being really oblivious to other people's struggles (the sort of person who just doesn't understand why people can't find a job/lose weight/find a good partner). But just because one has an advantage in one area of life doesn't mean it's open season for others to make snarky comments that only seem designed to make them feel badly about it.

siamesecat2965

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Re: Wow! That's Expensive!!
« Reply #65 on: July 23, 2014, 03:20:13 PM »

Oh yeah. There are those who can't see the big picture and don't think the pennies add up. I have coworkers who eat breakfast and lunch from restaurants or from the company cafeteria every single day. That's at least $50 a week. Yet they can't believe I spent over $100 for a purse when purses can be brought for $20-30. Well, I admit $100 is a lot of money but the purse will last me years and years (if I use it for even one year, that's less than one penny a day). I have no problem with them eating out. It's their money and it makes them happy. But I have to secretly roll my eyes at how they can't see they are actually spending more than I do. It just seems less when it's only $5 here and $7 there.

Slightly OT but kind of related. Several years back, in an attempt to get my finances under control, for several months I wrote down every penny I spent. Whether on lunch out, or a cup of coffee, or a roll of paper towels at the store.

Wow, what an eye opener. I used to hit the Panera next to my second job, when I was working 3 nights a week, for dinner beforehand. That alone was close to $30. Then there was lunch. Again, even $5 a day adds up fast.

At the end of each month, i'd break it out, and sort into categories, eating out (which included coffee, etc.), groceries, gas, and misc. Even stopping the dinners out altogether, and allowing myself one lunch out a week, and I don't really buy coffee out much at all, I was still spending quite a bit.

 I stopped a while back, but really should go back to doing it. It really does help to see exactly what you spend what on.

But I agree on certain things; I'm going to buy what I want, regardless of what anyone else thinks about the cost.

DavidH

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Re: Wow! That's Expensive!!
« Reply #66 on: July 23, 2014, 03:48:39 PM »
I definitely see how it gets annoying.  I would typically say something like, "Yes, but I think it's worth it", if I did or if I didn't say, "Yes, and it wasn't really that great after all."  As perpetua mentioned, there is an element of sensitivity required.  If you are heading off for a lavish shopping spree, then it may be better not to invite your friend who is having trouble paying their bills, since it can set up an awkward situation.  There is the element of tone too.  If you're looking at a menu and your friend remarks that the lobster seems expensive, it is fine to say either yes, but I really want a treat, or now that you mention it, it does seem kind of overpriced. 

pickles50

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Re: Wow! That's Expensive!!
« Reply #67 on: July 23, 2014, 08:24:40 PM »
From a completely different perspective:

I do this to a friend of mine, comment how expensive things are that she bought.

This is the tactic I use on her because she constantly complains about how she has no money...because she spends it on a bunch of smalls things. Where as I spend mine on big things and forgo the small things.

I'm sure it annoys her but not as much as it annoys me to hear her whine about how she can barely pay all her bills on time.

lakey

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Re: Wow! That's Expensive!!
« Reply #68 on: July 23, 2014, 09:29:29 PM »
I think sometimes the best response is to not say anything at all. If you don't answer they might realize that they shouldn't have brought it up.

JolieFille

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Re: Wow! That's Expensive!!
« Reply #69 on: July 23, 2014, 10:05:15 PM »
I have a feeling that if Jane is telling Jon that OP was rubbing her spending habits in Jane's face, any response OP makes to Jane's (or Jon's) money comments isn't going to be taken well.  "I saved up for this" = implying Jane can't manage her own money well.  "It's good construction and will last years" = implying Jane buys only cheaply made things.  Even an "Okay..." or shrug could be read as dismissive if one is inclined to be insulted about someone else's spending habits.  I mean, she's already reading OP's ability to spend $45 as a somewhat personal affront.

I think it's a no-win situation all around.  I would probably respond with something like "Oh yeah, I noticed the price.  I'll have to think about it."  The hidden meaning, much like saying you have "other plans" when those other plans are sitting around watching TV, is you're thinking about whether you want the skirt itself, not worrying about the price.

I'd also guess that their complaint about the drinks isn't that it's a margarita for $7 and not $2, but that you'd buy a $7 cocktail instead of a $2 happy hour special or soda simply because it is cheaper.

I hope Jane (at least) has other non-money-related good traits that make her a worthwhile friend, but I would avoid situations with her that involve spending money.

Yes Jane is a pretty awesome friend. We've been friends since 6th grade. When we go on outings just the two of us she doesn't say anything and we have a great time. Jon seems to like to point things out that she otherwise wouldn't notice or care about.

I have a small update! I talked to her about this today actually, because it was bugging me. Apparently Jon is bitter due to not having a lot of money as a kid and seeing me spend money freely triggers resentment, I guess because his mom wasn't responsible? O.o Okaay. I think part of the problem is they all know how much money I make  :-[ I apparently become a blabber mouth when given pain medication and mentioned it in the midst of one of my surgeries earlier this year. Ooops.  :-[ :-[

She also said he says the same things about her parents, he just doesn't say them out loud in front of them. Can he please apply that to me? I knew my gut instinct of not inviting him along on most of our outings was correct. I have an Urban Decay addiction, and I seriously do not want to hear comments on that.

Edited because I hit post too soon >_< : She promised to talk to him and tell him that he needs to 'keep his mouth shut' her words. So I hope next time we're out I can enjoy my 7$ margarita and not get the stink eye.
« Last Edit: July 23, 2014, 10:10:55 PM by JolieFille »

Peppergirl

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Re: Wow! That's Expensive!!
« Reply #70 on: July 24, 2014, 12:24:49 AM »
Hmmm, so in other words, she's commenting because he is being judgmental of you?   >:(

I actually think I'd be even more annoyed by that than before. It's bad enough when a friend makes those comments, but to be making them because her BF thinks it or is badmouthing your spending habits to her?  That's pretty shady.   

Aluminum

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Re: Wow! That's Expensive!!
« Reply #71 on: July 24, 2014, 02:23:23 AM »
I have an Urban Decay addiction, and I seriously do not want to hear comments on that.


I think others have given you good suggestions regarding how to nurture your friendship with Jane.  I just want to provide affirmation:

Urban Decay is brilliant, and don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise.  I'd have considered selling my firstborn (had I had one) for the Motherlode Collection. 




siamesecat2965

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Re: Wow! That's Expensive!!
« Reply #72 on: July 24, 2014, 06:47:20 AM »
I have an Urban Decay addiction, and I seriously do not want to hear comments on that.


I think others have given you good suggestions regarding how to nurture your friendship with Jane.  I just want to provide affirmation:

Urban Decay is brilliant, and don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise.  I'd have considered selling my firstborn (had I had one) for the Motherlode Collection. 

Just have to add I'm partial to UD as well.

rose red

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Re: Wow! That's Expensive!!
« Reply #73 on: July 24, 2014, 09:42:37 AM »
If it were me, I would simply stop shopping with these people. I may (a big "may") still eat out with them, but there's no reason to shop together, especially if they ruin the joy of it. She says Jon has the problem, but she's the one making comments.

pierrotlunaire0

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Re: Wow! That's Expensive!!
« Reply #74 on: July 24, 2014, 10:01:30 AM »
That's along the lines of someone whose mother was an alcoholic, and makes snarky comments whenever they see you take a drink.

But I'm not your mom.  My behavior has no impact on your life.  Keep it to yourself.

I am also now wondering if Jane only said in passing to Jon that the price tag on the skirt was $45,  and Jon upped it to "rubbing Jane's face in it" because he was trying to get OP's BF to clamp down on her.
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