Author Topic: Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude  (Read 6445 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

MyFamily

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4610
Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude
« on: July 22, 2014, 10:07:26 PM »
Janet is friends with my friends, but I don't consider her to be a friend.  Also, her mother was just diagnosed with cancer.  Truth is, I actually don't really like her due to some past history, so this may be coloring my feelings, but some feedback and suggestions on an appropriate response would be appreciated.

Last week, Janet asked if she could borrow some tables and chairs from us for a party she was having for her children on Saturday (my children were invited), and she said she'd return them to us on Sunday, which is good because my husband needs the tables by tomorrow (Wednesday).  Very long story shortened, basically she pushed us off till tonight - after dinner, but then didn't tell me when after dinner (that is a fairly large window) - so earlier this evening I emailed her and said:
"Just checking in to find out when you will be here."
Her response to me sent 45 minutes later (and I'm cutting and pasting but editing out identifying info):
"You know, I'm trying my best. I had a long day with my mother with her doctor in City an Hour Away, the main place for her treatments.
Steven is about to load up the car and he will be over shortly."

So, when her husband arrived, my husband was not home and it was the middle of getting my kids ready for bed (we get into pj's 30 minutes before bedtime and then everyone reads for that half-hour - so not critical bedtime schedule but not ideal either).

I don't know how to respond.  As I said we have history (they kept calling me and my DH for favors when I was in labor with my middle child and they'd been told I was in labor by my mother who was watching our oldest).  I don't think my request was so horrible - I was just looking to find out when he was going to be at my door.  A part of me thinks it is best to just ignore and remember this in the future; a part of me wants to write back that I needed to know because I'd also had a long day at work, was trying to get my kids ready to go to bed and my DH wasn't home so I needed to know to plan my own life.  The really angry part of me wants to say that well, her best involved treating me like crap and I'll remember that when she needs something in the future but that isn't an option I'm actually considering, obviously.


"The test of good manners is to be patient with bad ones" - Solomon ibn Gabirol

Girly

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 912
Re: Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude
« Reply #1 on: July 22, 2014, 10:14:07 PM »
I think next time she asks to borrow something, I'd flat out just tell her no.

Kaypeep

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2329
Re: Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude
« Reply #2 on: July 22, 2014, 10:16:46 PM »
I think it's best to just ignore and remember for the future.  It seems she had a bad day and was also inferring something negative in your very simple and honest question.  No use in trying to explain yourself that your question was innocuous .  I'd just text her back now and say "Thanks to your hubby for dropping the table and chairs off.  Sorry to hear you had a bad day.  Hope things are better for you and your mom the rest of the week. "  Then, go back to keeping things casual and practice saying no in the future if she asks for other favors. 

sammycat

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6215
Re: Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude
« Reply #3 on: July 22, 2014, 10:49:38 PM »
Stop loaning her things and doing her favours.  I'm not sure why you're doing these things for someone you don't like.

If I don't like someone I'm not going to loan them my stuff!

gemma156

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 179
Re: Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude
« Reply #4 on: July 22, 2014, 10:50:50 PM »
Well when the next time comes up you now know what to say.  "No that won't be possible" and change the subject. 

My grandma had saying for these occasions, "Fool me once, shame on you, Fool me twice shame on me".  Don't let there be a second time, they had their chance to be decent to you, for doing them a favour of lending out the equipment for their event.

JenJay

  • I'm a nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of nonconformity.
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6543
Re: Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude
« Reply #5 on: July 22, 2014, 10:58:47 PM »
I would have replied "It's fine for you to drop by anytime before 9pm (or whatever), I just need to know so I can make sure I'm home."

And yeah, I wouldn't loan her anything again. I'm curious why did she keep calling while you were in labor? Just to chat or did she want something?

CaffeineKatie

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 375
Re: Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude
« Reply #6 on: July 22, 2014, 11:15:20 PM »
I wouldn't say anything along the lines of "well, I had a rough day, too, etc."; you don't need to get into that kind of battle.  But they'd be holding the IceCapades down below  >:D before I'd loan her anything again.

gramma dishes

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8318
Re: Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude
« Reply #7 on: July 22, 2014, 11:20:18 PM »

...   "You know, I'm trying my best. I had a long day with my mother with her doctor in City an Hour Away, the main place for her treatments.
Steven is about to load up the car and he will be over shortly."


I think she probably really had had a trying and long and exasperating day.  Given that, I don't think what she said was all that horrible.  She was just letting you know that really she was doing the best she could to get your table returned to you.  It happened to be at an inconvenient time for both of you apparently.

I suspect that the past history you mentioned comes into play here more strongly than you think in determining your reaction.  But you've got your stuff back and now I'd just forget it.  But I wouldn't loan them any more things in the future.

I must confess I also wonder about what kinds of favors she was asking of you while you were in labor!  :o

Minmom3

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2463
Re: Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude
« Reply #8 on: July 22, 2014, 11:20:32 PM »
Snicker....
Mother to children and fuzz butts....

MyFamily

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4610
Re: Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude
« Reply #9 on: July 22, 2014, 11:23:35 PM »
And yeah, I wouldn't loan her anything again. I'm curious why did she keep calling while you were in labor? Just to chat or did she want something?

They were moving into an apartment near us that shares the same landlord that very day - so the first time, they wanted us to help them find the landlord because they were early and the landlord wasn't there with the key; the second time was about borrowing a hammer; after that my DH refused to answer the phone unless it was my mom's cell phone calling us.  My poor mom was trying to be nice to them because she thought they were our friends.

And to answer why I lent the items - because while I don't like her, I try to keep up appearances, and lending them wasn't a major hardship, if she'd kept up her side of the agreement.  I don't think I've ever really lent her anything before, but now I know. 

I don't think I'll be replying to her - really not worth the drama, and since others here agree with that, I'm comfortable doing that and that it isn't rude.  I certainly won't ever be lending her anything again. 


"The test of good manners is to be patient with bad ones" - Solomon ibn Gabirol

kherbert05

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 10532
    • Trees downed in my yard by Ike and the clean up
Re: Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude
« Reply #10 on: July 22, 2014, 11:34:33 PM »
Do NOT respond back especially in an e-mail or Text. If she is feeling vindictive it will be all over social media.

In the future - Sorry that isn't possible is a suitable response.
Don't Teach Them For Your Past. Teach Them For Their Future

Curly Wurly Doggie Breath

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3420
  • Aussie's Rule
Re: Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude
« Reply #11 on: July 22, 2014, 11:35:39 PM »
Yes, no more lending.

She does sound like she had a really rough day. So I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt here.

But the info about what she/he has done before.... really took away any compassion you may have had.

                          The Southern Cross Flag. Australia

PastryGoddess

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5213
    • My Image Portfolio and Store
Re: Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude
« Reply #12 on: July 23, 2014, 12:04:01 AM »
Who are you keeping up appearances for?  Cordial does not equal BFF.  There is no need to loan out things to someone you don't really like.  All it's going to do is stress you out because you don't really want to do it in the first place. 

Raintree

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6088
Re: Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude
« Reply #13 on: July 23, 2014, 12:30:34 AM »
so earlier this evening I emailed her and said:
"Just checking in to find out when you will be here."
Her response to me sent 45 minutes later (and I'm cutting and pasting but editing out identifying info):
"You know, I'm trying my best. I had a long day with my mother with her doctor in City an Hour Away, the main place for her treatments.
Steven is about to load up the car and he will be over shortly."

I think that was rude of her even though it does sound as though she had a trying day. More appropriate: "I'm so sorry.....I had a long day with my mother with her doctor in City an hour away. Steven is about to load up the car and he will be over shortly."

Slight change of wording, all the difference in the world.

GSNW

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 561
Re: Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude
« Reply #14 on: July 23, 2014, 02:42:56 AM »

...   "You know, I'm trying my best. I had a long day with my mother with her doctor in City an Hour Away, the main place for her treatments.
Steven is about to load up the car and he will be over shortly."


I think she probably really had had a trying and long and exasperating day.  Given that, I don't think what she said was all that horrible.  She was just letting you know that really she was doing the best she could to get your table returned to you.  It happened to be at an inconvenient time for both of you apparently.

I suspect that the past history you mentioned comes into play here more strongly than you think in determining your reaction.  But you've got your stuff back and now I'd just forget it.  But I wouldn't loan them any more things in the future.

I must confess I also wonder about what kinds of favors she was asking of you while you were in labor!  :o

I might agree with you here if tonight had been the agreed upon return time or if this conversation had happened Sunday night.  But to be pushed off for three days and then get a snippy response? I'd be annoyed no matter what the previous relationship or interactions had been. 

Also, I agree that letting it go/no more favors is best.