Author Topic: Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude  (Read 6391 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

sammycat

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6147
Re: Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude
« Reply #15 on: July 23, 2014, 02:59:33 AM »
But to be pushed off for three days and then get a snippy response? I'd be annoyed no matter what the previous relationship or interactions had been. 

Yes, I agree. She initially promised to return the items on Sunday, so really she had no leg to stand on when the owner quite rightly  enquired about their whereabouts a few days after that.

cicero

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 17928
Re: Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude
« Reply #16 on: July 23, 2014, 03:11:33 AM »
wow.

certainly, don't lend her anything else, ever.

and don't respond to her email.

The fact is that if this was someone who was a friend (or friendly acquaintance) with no past toxic-ish history, and she had what sounds like a bad day, i would give her a pass - even though "her emergencies shouldn't become mine". But it sounds a bit like The Boy Who Cried Wolf - while *this* may deserve a pass if it were on its own, the fact that she's done similar things before (made it all about *her*) means that this is more about who she is and less about the ad hoc emergency /stress she was going through.

but still, i would let this one go because responding won't do anything.


            Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools

Outdoor Girl

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 14259
Re: Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude
« Reply #17 on: July 23, 2014, 08:50:22 AM »
I'd let this incident go completely - no response at all.  And the next time she asks to borrow something, the answer is 'No'.
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
Ontario

SamiHami

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3329
  • No! Iz mai catnip! You no can haz! YOU NO CAN HAZ!
Re: Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude
« Reply #18 on: July 23, 2014, 10:16:41 AM »
I would be tempted to reply with, "Oh, I wish you had returned them on Sunday as we had originally agreed so you wouldn't have to worry about this today. Anyway, sorry you're having a rough day and we'll be expecting them back by X time."

But it would probably be rude (and pointless) to have sent this. So I will agree with everyone else. Say nothing but don't do her any further favors. She clearly doesn't appreciate it. And while it is a terrible shame that she's dealing with an illness in her family, that doesn't excuse her from being a decent human being or honoring her commitments.

What have you got? Is it food? Is it for me? I want it whatever it is!

Aquamarine

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1941
Re: Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude
« Reply #19 on: July 23, 2014, 10:38:18 AM »
Don't reply, it will serve no purpose to do so.  This woman has revealed to you who she really is and you should believe what she has shown you; she's a user, not a friend, a martyr, thoughtless, self centered, rude and doesn't keep promises.

Never loan her anything or do her any favors, she's shown you how she shows her "appreciation".  You don't really need this person or this aggravation in your life.  I'm now wondering if anything she returns will be damaged.
Always be polite, even to nasty people. Not because they are nice, but because you are.

MrTango

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2439
Re: Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude
« Reply #20 on: July 23, 2014, 10:49:28 AM »
I think that the bottom line in this incident is that you have your property back.  I wouldn't respond to her email or any comment she makes about this incident.

If you feel like you must respond to something she says (for example, if ignoring the comment would cause extreme awkwardness around others), I'd say something like, "I'm sorry that you had such difficulties returning the table and chairs within the agreed-upon timeframe.  I won't impose such difficulties on you again."

mime

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 807
Re: Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude
« Reply #21 on: July 23, 2014, 10:54:19 AM »
I find myself thinking 'what do you want to happen if you respond?'

1- If you want her to feel bad or realize that her behaivor combined with attitude was out of line: I think she will either realize that on her own because she was clearly in the wrong, or she's just the type of person who won't get it. I think there's too great a risk of escalating drama.

2- If you want to smooth things over and make her feel better: I think you'd be playing into a bad relationship dynamic.

3- If you want to blow off some steam and "shoot back" at her in an ehell approved way: I understand, but she probably is under stress right now, and I you probably won't regret extending a little grace to her by staying quiet, even though she may not deserve it.

4- If you want to blow off some steam and "shoot back" at her in a non ehell approved way: I still understand, but you just entertain that thought in your head and leave it there :)

I'm sure you're #1 or #3. In any case, I think letting this instance go is the best response. That said, she has demonstrated irresponsibility and earned herself a place on your mental "do not do favors" list. That's perfectly fair and reasonable.



lowspark

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4127
Re: Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude
« Reply #22 on: July 23, 2014, 11:04:20 AM »
You've already decided what to do and I agree it's definitely the right way to go. Just adding my own comment.  :D

If this person were a friend whom you really cared about, it might just be a case of chalking it up to her having a bad day or having had extra stress due to her mother's illness, etc. And of course, it would be forgivable. And a good friend might even realize that her remarks were a bit rude and apologize.

But this is someone you already don't like very much, for whom you did a favor, and apparently, that favor was not appreciated. Now, it might still be a case of having a bad day or stress, but because it's not someone you have affinity for, it's better to just ignore it and move on.

To me, this kind of thing is only worth addressing if the friendship is one which I want to maintain. If it's someone I don't care to be friends with, there's no point in causing myself any further irritation over it.

And yeah, lesson learned. Don't lend her anything else.

MyFamily

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4604
Re: Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude
« Reply #23 on: July 23, 2014, 11:31:38 AM »
I think that was rude of her even though it does sound as though she had a trying day. More appropriate: "I'm so sorry.....I had a long day with my mother with her doctor in City an hour away. Steven is about to load up the car and he will be over shortly."

Slight change of wording, all the difference in the world.

Even though it was days later than she'd originally said she'd return the items, you are right - if she'd responded that way, it would have made a huge difference, and I wouldn't be as upset.

To answer why I want to keep up appearances - it isn't for her sake, but for our mutual friends' sakes. Basically, being cordial and polite so that they don't have to feel they can't invite both of us to the same event type of thing.  Also, her daughters are close enough in age with my daughters that they share mutual friends and I believe our girls like each other, and while I don't like her, I have no problems with our daughters playing together at school or at someone else's house (I wouldn't arrange for a play date with our girls at her house, and she has too many rules about what her kids can and cannot eat, that I'm not comfortable having them at my house).  I honestly thought lending her the tables and chairs would be no big deal - I gave her more credit than I should have, I guess. 

Thanks for the feedback letting me know I was okay to not respond.  I've deleted the email and am moving on!


"The test of good manners is to be patient with bad ones" - Solomon ibn Gabirol

kudeebee

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2227
Re: Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude
« Reply #24 on: July 23, 2014, 01:29:59 PM »


To answer why I want to keep up appearances - it isn't for her sake, but for our mutual friends' sakes. Basically, being cordial and polite so that they don't have to feel they can't invite both of us to the same event type of thing.  Also, her daughters are close enough in age with my daughters that they share mutual friends and I believe our girls like each other, and while I don't like her, I have no problems with our daughters playing together at school or at someone else's house (I wouldn't arrange for a play date with our girls at her house, and she has too many rules about what her kids can and cannot eat, that I'm not comfortable having them at my house).  I honestly thought lending her the tables and chairs would be no big deal - I gave her more credit than I should have, I guess. 

Thanks for the feedback letting me know I was okay to not respond.  I've deleted the email and am moving on!

You can be cordial and polite without doing them favors or loaning them items of yours.  Cordial and polite means you speak and interact at parties, don't say anything bad about them to anyone, etc.

PastryGoddess

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5071
    • My Image Portfolio and Store
Re: Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude
« Reply #25 on: July 23, 2014, 01:57:09 PM »


To answer why I want to keep up appearances - it isn't for her sake, but for our mutual friends' sakes. Basically, being cordial and polite so that they don't have to feel they can't invite both of us to the same event type of thing.  Also, her daughters are close enough in age with my daughters that they share mutual friends and I believe our girls like each other, and while I don't like her, I have no problems with our daughters playing together at school or at someone else's house (I wouldn't arrange for a play date with our girls at her house, and she has too many rules about what her kids can and cannot eat, that I'm not comfortable having them at my house).  I honestly thought lending her the tables and chairs would be no big deal - I gave her more credit than I should have, I guess. 

Thanks for the feedback letting me know I was okay to not respond.  I've deleted the email and am moving on!

You can be cordial and polite without doing them favors or loaning them items of yours.  Cordial and polite means you speak and interact at parties, don't say anything bad about them to anyone, etc.

Yes exactly. 

whatsanenigma

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2032
Re: Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude
« Reply #26 on: July 23, 2014, 02:24:50 PM »


To answer why I want to keep up appearances - it isn't for her sake, but for our mutual friends' sakes. Basically, being cordial and polite so that they don't have to feel they can't invite both of us to the same event type of thing.  Also, her daughters are close enough in age with my daughters that they share mutual friends and I believe our girls like each other, and while I don't like her, I have no problems with our daughters playing together at school or at someone else's house (I wouldn't arrange for a play date with our girls at her house, and she has too many rules about what her kids can and cannot eat, that I'm not comfortable having them at my house).  I honestly thought lending her the tables and chairs would be no big deal - I gave her more credit than I should have, I guess. 

Thanks for the feedback letting me know I was okay to not respond.  I've deleted the email and am moving on!

You can be cordial and polite without doing them favors or loaning them items of yours.  Cordial and polite means you speak and interact at parties, don't say anything bad about them to anyone, etc.

Yes exactly.

And also, if for some reason it does happen that you both can't be invited to the same event based on the fact that you don't let her borrow anything else, then it will all be on her head and based on her actions, not yours.   Just decline her requests politely and be "cordial and polite" when you are around her. 

Spring Water on Sundays

  • We will never rest, fighting the battle of who could care less.
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2186
Re: Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude
« Reply #27 on: July 23, 2014, 03:28:27 PM »
She was trying to take the focus off of her less than stellar behavior by trying to make you feel like you were being petty for worrying about your chairs.

eltf177

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 173
Re: Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude
« Reply #28 on: July 23, 2014, 03:43:35 PM »
But to be pushed off for three days and then get a snippy response? I'd be annoyed no matter what the previous relationship or interactions had been. 

Yes, I agree. She initially promised to return the items on Sunday, so really she had no leg to stand on when the owner quite rightly  enquired about their whereabouts a few days after that.

I have to go with this. She promised to return them Sunday, then didn't. So regardless of any personal problems she does _not_ have the right to complain when you're now up against a deadline, need your property back and have to lean on her to have this happen.

No more loans, period...

gramma dishes

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8271
Re: Requesting Return of Lent Items and getting attitude
« Reply #29 on: July 23, 2014, 03:48:56 PM »
Is anyone else wondering if just maybe it's possible that her husband has something to do with this?  Like maybe he knew the tables were supposed to be returned on Sunday and he just refused to do it Sunday? ... and Monday? ... and today? ...

« Last Edit: July 23, 2014, 03:50:28 PM by gramma dishes »