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Author Topic: Thank you letters - what do you like to receive?  (Read 9618 times)

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paintpots

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Thank you letters - what do you like to receive?
« on: July 23, 2014, 03:37:36 AM »
DH and I got married a couple of weeks ago, and after a couple of weeks stuffing ourselves with cheese in the south of France, it's back to reality and time to make a start on all our thank you letters. 

Thank you letters to my family are kind of easy, I've been sending them for years so know what sort of thing they'll like to read about, but for the others I'm not so sure what to write about (DH and I have ordered nice notepaper to write on so they're going to be letters rather than cards).

What kind of details do you like to get in thank you letters, and are there any that are particularly memorable for good reasons? How long is long enough to be acceptable?

lkdrymom

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Re: Thank you letters - what do you like to receive?
« Reply #1 on: July 23, 2014, 06:53:36 AM »
The one thing I really like in a Thank You note is a picture from the wedding.

HannahGrace

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Re: Thank you letters - what do you like to receive?
« Reply #2 on: July 23, 2014, 09:15:41 AM »
The one thing I really like in a Thank You note is a picture from the wedding.

The problem with this is that it often takes months after the wedding to get photos back from the photographer, from what I understand, so if you want to be a good bride/groom and get your notes out promptly, including photos throws a wrench into the works.

OP, congrats on the wedding/marriage!  What I like to read in notes, and what I plan to write in mine in a couple of months, is any specific plans the recipient has for the gift (i.e. we can't wait to be able to use (item) when we have you over for dinner!) and in the case of a wedding, presuming they atttended, mentioning how glad you were that they shared the day with you.  I think a few sentences is more than fine, unless it is to a best friend or close family member and you naturally have more to say.

Lynn2000

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Re: Thank you letters - what do you like to receive?
« Reply #3 on: July 23, 2014, 09:32:38 AM »
I am totally happy if I get the following things:
--my name mentioned specifically
--"thank you" or similar
--the specific item I gave mentioned
--signed with their names

Note that I am totally cool if the entire thing is typed, even the signature, because I know handwriting is hard for some people. What I want is personalization. You don't have to write a haiku about my gift, but show that you know what I gave and you're not just making a mass "Hey you, thanks for the stuff! Return address is us" mailing.

I really don't have very high standards for thank you notes, so if you met the above, I would be happy. If you exceeded it I would be thrilled, but let's not get carried away... :)
~Lynn2000

peaches

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Re: Thank you letters - what do you like to receive?
« Reply #4 on: July 23, 2014, 09:37:21 AM »
Just some random ideas:

*Mention the giver by name, and the specific gift
 
*If the gift was money and you know how you will spend it, mention that. If the gift is an item (dishes, mixer, whatever) mention how much use youíll get out of it/them.

*Say how much you enjoyed having them at the wedding to share your special day.

*3-5 sentences is usual. Of course, if you want to say more, that's fine!

*If they are sent within a month of your return, youíre doing great! Thatís not a deadline, though.

*A wedding picture would be great but I wouldn't delay thank you notes waiting on prints. If you have a candid photo from the honeymoon, that would be nice. (I have to say I've never received a photo with a thank you note, so it's not expected. It would be a bonus.)
 


Outdoor Girl

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Re: Thank you letters - what do you like to receive?
« Reply #5 on: July 23, 2014, 10:25:48 AM »
I am totally happy if I get the following things:
--my name mentioned specifically
--"thank you" or similar
--the specific item I gave mentioned
--signed with their names

Note that I am totally cool if the entire thing is typed, even the signature, because I know handwriting is hard for some people. What I want is personalization. You don't have to write a haiku about my gift, but show that you know what I gave and you're not just making a mass "Hey you, thanks for the stuff! Return address is us" mailing.

I really don't have very high standards for thank you notes, so if you met the above, I would be happy. If you exceeded it I would be thrilled, but let's not get carried away... :)

I agree.  Frankly, I'm happy to get any kind of thank you note, since so many people don't do them at all.
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

Team HoundMom

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Re: Thank you letters - what do you like to receive?
« Reply #6 on: July 24, 2014, 10:12:45 AM »
The problem with this is that it often takes months after the wedding to get photos back from the photographer, from what I understand, so if you want to be a good bride/groom and get your notes out promptly, including photos throws a wrench into the works.

I wanted to enclose a professional wedding photo with my thank-you notes as well and yes, it took a couple of months before I got the photos and got the thank-yous written and sent.  In each one I apologized for the late thank-you and said I was waiting for the photos.

HannahGrace

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Re: Thank you letters - what do you like to receive?
« Reply #7 on: July 24, 2014, 11:52:52 AM »
The problem with this is that it often takes months after the wedding to get photos back from the photographer, from what I understand, so if you want to be a good bride/groom and get your notes out promptly, including photos throws a wrench into the works.

I wanted to enclose a professional wedding photo with my thank-you notes as well and yes, it took a couple of months before I got the photos and got the thank-yous written and sent.  In each one I apologized for the late thank-you and said I was waiting for the photos.

We haven't started receiving gifts yet, but my understanding was that we should send out thank-yous as we receive the gifts.  If you got gifts before the wedding day, that would mean it was quite a few months before you acknowledged receiving gifts, correct?  I would just not be comfortable with that, regardless of me wanting to enclose a photo (not sure what anyone else would want to do with a photo of my wedding anyway, except my mother).

LtPowers

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Re: Thank you letters - what do you like to receive?
« Reply #8 on: July 24, 2014, 11:55:06 AM »
I wanted to enclose a professional wedding photo with my thank-you notes as well and yes, it took a couple of months before I got the photos and got the thank-yous written and sent.  In each one I apologized for the late thank-you and said I was waiting for the photos.

It's good that you apologized, but it rings a bit hollow given that the delay was intentional.


Powers  &8^]

#borecore

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Re: Thank you letters - what do you like to receive?
« Reply #9 on: July 24, 2014, 01:04:19 PM »
I wanted to enclose a professional wedding photo with my thank-you notes as well and yes, it took a couple of months before I got the photos and got the thank-yous written and sent.  In each one I apologized for the late thank-you and said I was waiting for the photos.

It's good that you apologized, but it rings a bit hollow given that the delay was intentional.


Powers  &8^]

I strongly disagree that an apology is hollow or no good if it comes because of something you did -- many apologies are either for something we did intentionally that might not have been the perfect thing to do, or for something we did intentionally that we think was wise but we understand that someone else might perceive as less than perfect (aside from the whole category of apologies for accidents).

First, you don't need to apologize for sending a thank you note a couple of months after the event; that's fine. Second, you were delaying for something that benefited both sides; that is great.

I like a thank you note that seems sincere and non-generic. I like a photo but do not expect one.

kareng57

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Re: Thank you letters - what do you like to receive?
« Reply #10 on: July 25, 2014, 12:19:24 AM »
I like a sincere note that indicates that they know who we are :), that they know what gift we gave, and  that indicates how happy they are to use it.  That's all.

I've noticed a trend on this site during the last year or so to sneer at TY notes that don't seem to be written by a Pulitzer Prize candidate.  I think that this is terrible, but if it's indeed a real-life trend then I can't say much.

I'll park my vote at the Sooner, the Better.  Sorry, but I'm not impressed by anyone waiting to get photos before sending out the notes.  Yes, 34 years ago we were stuck with our photographer's package that included tiny photos with pre-printed TY notes.  We didn't use them, and enclosed the photos with our Christmas cards later that year.  I'd be very, very surprised if anyone kept them. :)

paintpots

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Re: Thank you letters - what do you like to receive?
« Reply #11 on: July 25, 2014, 08:14:59 AM »
How long is so long that it's rude though?

We got back from honeymoon last weekend and are planning on sending out photos (of people who attended, family pics or us as appropriate) with our thank yous. The photos (digital - we're getting the license) should arrive Monday at the latest (totally guessing here) but there will be some time needed to get the right ones printed for the right people, not to mention handwriting about 50+ letters, so it might be two weeks before they all go out, so up to 6 weeks post wedding. Is that too late?

Team HoundMom

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Re: Thank you letters - what do you like to receive?
« Reply #12 on: July 25, 2014, 10:12:56 AM »
.....there will be some time needed to get the right ones printed for the right people, not to mention handwriting about 50+ letters, so it might be two weeks before they all go out, so up to 6 weeks post wedding. Is that too late?

Just my humble opinion, but I think there's no such thing as "too late" for thank you notes.  I don't care WHEN someone shows me gratitude for a gift, just that they eventually did. 

But I've learned here that my opinions and what etiquette apparently dictates can differ greatly.

kareng57

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Re: Thank you letters - what do you like to receive?
« Reply #13 on: July 25, 2014, 09:40:52 PM »
How long is so long that it's rude though?

We got back from honeymoon last weekend and are planning on sending out photos (of people who attended, family pics or us as appropriate) with our thank yous. The photos (digital - we're getting the license) should arrive Monday at the latest (totally guessing here) but there will be some time needed to get the right ones printed for the right people, not to mention handwriting about 50+ letters, so it might be two weeks before they all go out, so up to 6 weeks post wedding. Is that too late?


I think 6 to 8 weeks after the wedding is perfectly fine.  I really don't expect anyone to write TY notes during her honeymoon... :)

If it's possible for HCs to include photos within this time frame I think that's fine; I don't think it's fine to delay the notes for severall months because of "waiting for photos".

Lynn2000

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Re: Thank you letters - what do you like to receive?
« Reply #14 on: July 27, 2014, 01:23:22 PM »
I also wouldn't expect anyone to be writing thank you notes during their honeymoon (unless perhaps they had a very long honeymoon, like a two month cruise), or if they had other immediate post-wedding plans like moving house. It's hard for me to put a deadline on it, because there's always someone who has a good reason for exceeding it--like someone was in the hospital or gave birth early or something. I do think the thank you notes should be given top priority in your normal, day-to-day life. So if you are back to the point of going to work every day and following your normal routine, I think the thank you notes should be getting done, at least a few every day. Hopefully this would mean the latest would be sent out no more than two months after the wedding.

To save time later I would probably also send thank you notes before the wedding, as gifts arrived early. Some people feel like this is not correct--like they don't acknowledge the gift or possibly even open it until after the event it's for. I don't think there's a rule either way. If you know it would help you to send them early, and thus have less to do later, I would go ahead and do that. At least you could write them early, even if you didn't mail them until later.

I like the idea of including wedding photos in a later correspondence, at least if obtaining them will take longer than a couple months. Christmas cards perhaps, or "Wedding photos came! Just wanted to thank you again for attending/giving us X."
~Lynn2000