For those that followed my K'nnihave saga, here's a bit of an update on nephew1.
As you may remember, DH and I tried to be there for our nephews as much as possible during their childhood and formative years. It was difficult to have a one on one relationship with our nephews because K'nnihave got in the middle of our interactions. K'nnihave always wanted us to give and do for her and, many times, she used nephews as the reason...."for the children" type way of thinking.
The last time nephew1 and I spoke, I was not very happy with him. He was drinking and getting into trouble. He basically turned his back on us and didn't want to hear what we had to say, so we didn't say a word and kept our distance.
In the two years since we pulled back, he has emailed me and DH a few times. Each time, we've offered our advice but left it up to him to make his own decisions. We've also been pretty blunt in giving advice. No kid gloves here. Basically, we told him that he had the power to change his life if he was willing to work for it. Ya know, the same thing we'd say to our kids, that's what we said to him.
A year ago, he moved to Big City and away from K'nnihave and BIL. It's been a good thing for him.
We hadn't seen nephew in two years. He visited last week and his transformation was awesome to see! He's matured and being away from his parent's toxic behavior has done wonders for him! (Though he still has to deal with their toxic phone calls but he's working on that next)
I can't even begin to describe how far he's come! Though he loves his parents, of course, he can see them for who they are and he tries to protect himself from them as much as he can.
He's smart, capable and plans to travel as much as he can afford. ( his dad doesn't like the idea and doesn't understand why he'd want to do that) Nephew1 said that he doesn't understand the mindset of his parents but that isn't going to stop him from accomplishing his goals.
As far as nephew2, well, he's about to become a teenage dad in a few months and he's living with K'nnihave. Nephew1 gives him as much advice as he can but Nephew2 is still very much in toxic-K'nnihave land. Nephew1 is working on helping nephew2 move out of hometown and away from their toxic parents.
I am so happy with how far nephew1 has come! He's had the odds stacked against him for so long but I can see he is beginning to break the chains of his childhood.
Many of you said that one day he'd thank us for everything. Well, this past weekend, he did. He said that the last two years without us in his life was like a pain in his heart. He's planning to visit again soon.