Author Topic: Say Yes to the Dress - Bridesmaids: Sister BM who felt left out.  (Read 2365 times)

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Hollanda

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Re: Say Yes to the Dress - Bridesmaids: Sister BM who felt left out.
« Reply #15 on: September 01, 2014, 07:34:22 AM »
I think bridal consultant stuck her nose in where it wasn't wanted!
 
 
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daen

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Re: Say Yes to the Dress - Bridesmaids: Sister BM who felt left out.
« Reply #16 on: September 01, 2014, 03:59:55 PM »
We just didn't have a MOH or Best Man.  The were both just bridesmaids/groomsmen.  Why does one need a higher title?

I imagine this varies by social circle, but I have heard (at various times from various people) that the MOH is also expected to:
1. Serve as one of the witnesses to the wedding
2. Organize a shower
3. Assist in wedding dress shopping
4. Take notes at gift opening(s) of giver and gift, so the bride can more easily write thank-you notes later
5. Assist in planning any wedding or reception details (that the groom doesn't care about)
6. Help the bride with her dress when she needs to use the bathroom on The Day
7. Help with any wedding-related tasks like addressing and mailing invitations, making up favours, etc.
8. Give the bride a gift of lingerie for her honeymoon

I was unaware of any of these but item 1 when I was MOH for my older sister - I was seventeen at the time. I was quite mortified to discover that my cousin had planned a shower for my sister because Cousin thought I probably wasn't aware of item 2. The fact that this was true - I didn't know - was further mortifying.  My sister told me then that all she wanted of me was to stand up with her, be her witness, and sing a solo at the wedding, and nothing else was necessary. (I was well aware of all three of those requests when I agreed, by the way.)

When I married, we didn't want a wedding party, and I didn't want to stir up any feelings by choosing anyone as a MOH anyway. Two of my friends helped me with wedding crafts. One of those two went dress-shopping with me (because she's the only person I know who loves shopping and who can keep me trying on clothes for more than twenty minutes on any shopping occasion), did my hair and makeup, and was my witness. In our thank-you speech at the end of the reception, I believe I said that she was essentially my MOH, but didn't get forced to wear an ugly dress today.

So, to finally answer your question: higher title is earned because they have (presumably) had more responsibilities.

camlan

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Re: Say Yes to the Dress - Bridesmaids: Sister BM who felt left out.
« Reply #17 on: September 01, 2014, 04:41:14 PM »
Back in the 1980s when the majority of my friends were getting married, duties 2 through 6 were more or less considered to be part of being a bridesmaid, not just for the MOH. But no one person did all those things. The shower was a group effort. At the shower, one person would take notes on the gifts, or two people would trade off. One or two people went dress shopping with the bride.

Item 7 was handled by the family members of the bride, if necessary. But back then, the bride's parents were still usually the hosts, so the bulk of the work fell on them, with the bride making suggestions and/or approving choices.

Number 8 was a personal choice. I once attended a shower for the bride of one of my brothers, hosted by her college friends. We were all assigned a time of day and asked to bring a present sitable for that time. I found a lovely little tea set for my assigned time of 4 pm.

The bride's friends gave her lingerie, no matter what time of day they'd been assigned.

The MOH was in large part a courtesy title to a close friend or sister. The main MOH duties were wrangling the wedding gown train and taking care of the bride's flowers. The MOH might be a witness, or some other close friend or family member would be asked.
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katycoo

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Re: Say Yes to the Dress - Bridesmaids: Sister BM who felt left out.
« Reply #18 on: September 01, 2014, 08:19:26 PM »
We just didn't have a MOH or Best Man.  The were both just bridesmaids/groomsmen.  Why does one need a higher title?

I imagine this varies by social circle, but I have heard (at various times from various people) that the MOH is also expected to:
1. Serve as one of the witnesses to the wedding
2. Organize a shower
3. Assist in wedding dress shopping
4. Take notes at gift opening(s) of giver and gift, so the bride can more easily write thank-you notes later
5. Assist in planning any wedding or reception details (that the groom doesn't care about)
6. Help the bride with her dress when she needs to use the bathroom on The Day
7. Help with any wedding-related tasks like addressing and mailing invitations, making up favours, etc.
8. Give the bride a gift of lingerie for her honeymoon
...
So, to finally answer your question: higher title is earned because they have (presumably) had more responsibilities.

1. We had 2 attendants on each side.  One of each were witnesses.  Mine were my sister and a friend.
2. I didn't have a shower.  Both BM's organised my Hen's jointly.  IME this is usually a collaboration between the BMs, but then, its uncommon to have more than 4 BMs in Australia so I can see how it might be a disaster with 8 people.
3. Both BMs came dress shopping, as did my mum and MIL.
4. Someone did this but I've no idea who.  Might've been sister.  I don't even remember if friend BM was present when I opened gifts.
5. I had many friends help out who weren't in the bridal party at all as both my BMs lived interstate.  And my mum did a lot of calling around.
6. Friend BM valiently offered but was unnecessary on the day.
7.  See 5 above.  I know I had 2 friends help assemble the orders of service, and my MIL helped me with the invitations.
8. Noone gave me lingerie.  Is this a thing?  Its not a thing here.  Seems a bit creepy.

Kaymar

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Re: Say Yes to the Dress - Bridesmaids: Sister BM who felt left out.
« Reply #19 on: September 01, 2014, 09:20:20 PM »
We just didn't have a MOH or Best Man.  The were both just bridesmaids/groomsmen.  Why does one need a higher title?

I imagine this varies by social circle, but I have heard (at various times from various people) that the MOH is also expected to:
1. Serve as one of the witnesses to the wedding
2. Organize a shower
3. Assist in wedding dress shopping
4. Take notes at gift opening(s) of giver and gift, so the bride can more easily write thank-you notes later
5. Assist in planning any wedding or reception details (that the groom doesn't care about)
6. Help the bride with her dress when she needs to use the bathroom on The Day
7. Help with any wedding-related tasks like addressing and mailing invitations, making up favours, etc.
8. Give the bride a gift of lingerie for her honeymoon

I was unaware of any of these but item 1 when I was MOH for my older sister - I was seventeen at the time. I was quite mortified to discover that my cousin had planned a shower for my sister because Cousin thought I probably wasn't aware of item 2. The fact that this was true - I didn't know - was further mortifying.  My sister told me then that all she wanted of me was to stand up with her, be her witness, and sing a solo at the wedding, and nothing else was necessary. (I was well aware of all three of those requests when I agreed, by the way.)

When I married, we didn't want a wedding party, and I didn't want to stir up any feelings by choosing anyone as a MOH anyway. Two of my friends helped me with wedding crafts. One of those two went dress-shopping with me (because she's the only person I know who loves shopping and who can keep me trying on clothes for more than twenty minutes on any shopping occasion), did my hair and makeup, and was my witness. In our thank-you speech at the end of the reception, I believe I said that she was essentially my MOH, but didn't get forced to wear an ugly dress today.

So, to finally answer your question: higher title is earned because they have (presumably) had more responsibilities.

...and the above list is why I am having no "attendants" whatsoever, because as an adult, it seems insane to expect another adult to spend so much time and energy on my life event.

Peppergirl

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Re: Say Yes to the Dress - Bridesmaids: Sister BM who felt left out.
« Reply #20 on: September 03, 2014, 12:05:51 AM »
I don't understand the drama of being MOH anyway. The latest wedding I'm in, I was thrilled not to be MOH because it means I don't have to plan the bachelorette party again! (I've been MOH 4 times. ;))

This.  My oldest son is getting married in April of '16, and has asked my other son (his brother) to be a groomsman, but not the BM.  His reasoning is a practical one:  My younger son lives 800 miles away and, additionally, doesn't have much money (student). He's effectively cutting him a break, since often being a BM is quite expensive and time-consuming.

Younger son was thrilled, as he said he'd secretly hoped he wouldn't be asked to be BM due to the expense and distance.  ;D
« Last Edit: September 03, 2014, 02:36:48 AM by Peppergirl »